Broke NC, it wasn't that bad

[sunrising]

I was reading a thread on here over the weekend about the cognitive dissonance NC creates for a person like me who's generally compassionate.  NC has definitely felt "off" for me as my ex has tried to contact me.  So I decided to respond to an email she sent me over the weekend asking me a question about her car.  I sent a one sentence response, answering her question.  She then asked about getting the last few of her personal belongings I have to her son.  I arranged that very day to get then to him, so that was resolved.   It was like she knew that was our last possible formal connection and since it had been resolved, she had to now either end the conversation or discuss something personal, so she decided to share with me about how her therapy is going.  I decided to (knowingly) take the bait and asked her a personal question.  I asked if she ever thought about the things we said to each other about being together forever, me becoming a full-time father figure for her son, us being a family, etc.  I think I was mostly curious if she had made any progress after a month in BPD therapy (she's diagnosed).  

Her response could have been taken out of a "how to act when you have BPD" handbook.  She said she does think about us, then went into several paragraphs "implying" what all is wrong with me.   Naturally she managed to slip "you're a good man" in there.   Basically, her response was all over the map, accusatory, and something that would have confused/ angered/ hurt me in the past.  A month ago, her email would have solicited a lengthy response from me where I felt compelled to defend myself and try to make her like me more.    I didn't feel compelled to do that at all.  I read her message, looked at her 2nd grade picture I have on my phone and said to myself, "This is who sent you that email.   Don't respond like you would to an adult.  Respond like you would to this little girl".   I responded only to the parts of her email that were about her family and about her feelings.  I even made it a point to validate her.  I did not respond to any of the things she said about me.   It worked.  I didn't feel guilty and her response was very brief and courteous.   It was like she realized that even though I decided to respond to her for the first time in a month, I wasn't going to play the game.