Hi, Just Think, It's good to hear you could be so cool during an unplanned meeting with a BPD ex! Sounds encouraging. I hope I'll get there eventually.
I still think I was probably too passive. It seems like a healthy person would have called her out on the BS of "making faces"
I think a healthy person might have called out another HEALTHY person on that BS. You know it's no use with her so why bother now. You're no longer in a relationship with her.
Your reaction to her reminds me of something. After I broke up with my BPDbf I asked him something I should have asked during the relationship but didn't because I couldn't face the consequences. I asked him: "Who did you plan to travel with when you told me you wanted to travel abroad alone, without me. We both know you never go anywhere alone." He said: "I know I probably would never do it, but I can dream about it can't I?"
With that my curiosity about what he would say was satisfied. It was a good lie and I just pretended to believe it. I shrugged – hopeless case – and moved on. I could react like that because I had sufficiently detached. If I had been healthy during the relationship, that's just what I should have done when he breached the subject of travelling alone: face the facts, leave and never look back. Talking about it is no use.
But when he breached the subject of travelling alone during our relationship I thought I would have to confront him about it all the way. I would have had to say 'I don't believe you', he would feign indignation, it would become a huge fight. And all that would have been no use because in the end I would go back to him anyway. At that time I was adding things up but I wasn't ready to leave yet. So I didn't confront him.
What I'm trying to say is, Just Think, that during the relationship you might have avoided confronting her about things for an unhealthy reason and now you avoided confronting her for a healthy reason.
She's trying to create the intensity she uses to regain control and you were cool and didn't take the bait.
