Making peace with time

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am now just a month short from the two year anniversary of separating from my xBPDh. Still trying to figure things out. Still trying to put my life in order and make sense. Still feeling like I'm in limbo land, and waiting for my life to restart. I feel like someone hit the pause button and forgot to turn it back on. I have to rethink my future, my finances, my goals, and where to live. I've been feeling really impatient with myself, hearing that voice in my head say, just get on with it OK. Enough. I haven't been in another relationship yet and ask myself what are you waiting for?  Then that voice again, just get on with it OK. Enough. So I have been feeling down on myself, feeling like I'm stagnating and often just getting weary of the process of personal growth. I want to move on.

I began thinking this week about the years I spent learning my profession. It took me five years of reading textbooks, going to classes, going through articles, being mentored and practising my skills. During that time I was focused on learning, spending time with other students and when we talked it often was to discuss what we were learning. That was five years devoted to learning my profession. Certainly my life and personal growth is more important. So I'll try and keep reminding myself of that as I slowly crawl through this time of recovery.

Amusingly, I remember when I was young people were always telling me how fast I moved. I heard " don't hurry through life, take time to enjoy it " so many times from so many different people. And now here I am, moving so slowly I sometimes wonder if I'm moving at all.

[Cumulus]

I am now just a month short from the two year anniversary of separating from my xBPDh. Still trying to figure things out. Still trying to put my life in order and make sense. Still feeling like I'm in limbo land, and waiting for my life to restart. I feel like someone hit the pause button and forgot to turn it back on. I have to rethink my future, my finances, my goals, and where to live. I've been feeling really impatient with myself, hearing that voice in my head say, just get on with it OK. Enough. I haven't been in another relationship yet and ask myself what are you waiting for?  Then that voice again, just get on with it OK. Enough. So I have been feeling down on myself, feeling like I'm stagnating and often just getting weary of the process of personal growth. I want to move on.

I began thinking this week about the years I spent learning my profession. It took me five years of reading textbooks, going to classes, going through articles, being mentored and practising my skills. During that time I was focused on learning, spending time with other students and when we talked it often was to discuss what we were learning. That was five years devoted to learning my profession. Certainly my life and personal growth is more important. So I'll try and keep reminding myself of that as I slowly crawl through this time of recovery.

Amusingly, I remember when I was young people were always telling me how fast I moved. I heard " don't hurry through life, take time to enjoy it " so many times from so many different people. And now here I am, moving so slowly I sometimes wonder if I'm moving at all.

[bb12]

Great idea for a thread Cumulus!

I am with you all the way. So much so, that today actually marks 2 years since I split with my exBPD.

Strangely, I didn't even know he had a PD as I ended it. Something just felt off.

Only as I tried to remain friends was I really subjected to the rages, the passive aggression and then finally the discard. And some of the reading does talk about 'time standing still'... .  especially with emotional abuse like the silent treatment.

Funny to read posts from people who have done 7 days NC ... .  or even 3 months... .  and remember how tortuous those days and months were... .  our bodies all hot and still full of addiction peptides and chemicals.

For me, my relationship with time has gotten better. I still wish my ex did not cross my mind so often, but I no longer deride myself if he does. One of the blessings of all of this is the ability to attach or not attach to a thought. Someone once wrote that we can't stop thoughts entering our minds but we can control whether we attach to it or let it drift away like a cloud in the sky. (dare I say a Cumulus cloud  )

I have been on a few dates and feel very ready for love again. But I am also more comfortable than ever with being alone.

I think our r/ship with ourself (and not the ex) is the key to halting this clock watching

That being said, I remember the exact date and time of a major car accident I was in back in 1993. And I don't hurry myself up into forgetting that event... .  so why should this be any different. I think I carry the scars of both traumas... .  but increasingly, I wear them with pride and as badges that remind me how much I've grown and changed

Bb12

[Maryiscontrary]

From what I understand, it takes several thousand hours of practice to become pretty well profienct with a new skill.

[blecker]

I am reminded of the great fable of the tortouise and the hare.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Whats the rush anyway we are all getting to the finish line sooner or later... .  personally I'd rather later.

[Cumulus]

Congratulations on the two years bb.  It was six months after separating that my xBPDh was diagnosed. I thought he was a bit off as well, more like a difficult angry personality with odd social behaviours. What a relief knowing the diagnosis.

So, two years now, figure about three hours a day thinking about stuff, that's 2190 hours of practising my new skill of being me, I must be at least halfway there Mary.