Anyone's else BPD child adopted?

[BioAdoptMom3]

Our 13 y/o recently spent 5 days as in inpatient in a local behavioral center for treatment for suicidal thoughts, cutting, anorexia and bulimia.  It's the first we've heard it, but one of her therapists mentioned the probability of BBP, which I had previously heard was not usually diagnosed until age 18.  In addition to what I listed above we have also dealt with:

major mood swings

relationship issues, sometimes with us and also with friends

lying - telling others she was on heroin (I know this isn't the case because after every lab which included a drug screen she was fine), telling the mom of one of her friends she was raped on Saturday night a week ago when we were all home and no one else was here and the list goes on.

Attention seeking behaviors - always getting hurt at her softball games, always sick... .  telling others I still have cancer when she knows I have been free of breast cancer for over a year and that list goes on too.

However, she is adopted and I am wondering if she is truly BPD, or if we are seeing these things just because most adopted children have those same fears of abandonment and rejection which cause all of the above. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Being Mindful]

Yes, there are several of us with adopted kids with BPD.

There is a hesitation to diagnose BPD prior to 18 years of age. Typically, the wording will be emerging BPD or BPD traits. I would not let that stop you from seeking treatment for BPD as the skills and therapy can apply to any behavioral or mental health issue. In addition, there is much you can learn too in communication skills, boundaries and validation that not only will help you but will help your daughter.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better and to learn how we can help.

Being Mindful

[eac]

Hello and welcome.  My just turned 15dd has a similar history to yours.  She is adopted from Russia at age 16 months.  She also started showing signs of BPD around 12-13 with chronic self injury, suicidal thoughts that led to suicidal actions along with a endless list of behavioral issues.  We have had a long 2-3 years but we are seeing progress.  I would love to share more with you over the weekend.  I am very tired right now but I wanted to touch base and let you know that many of us have adopted children and many of us are dealing with the same issues and some of us - with bio and adopted kids - are making progress.  Be back over the weekend.

[vivekananda]

BioAdoptMom,

Yes, many here have adopted BPD children... .  also step kids with BPD too. Also, all those examples of her maladaptive behaviours are common experience. Nevertheless the range of 'seriousness' of BPD differs amongst us, some children are more extreme at a younger age, while some like my dd could almost 'pretend' to be normal and there are some more high functioning children amongst us all. It seems the thing we really have in common is how it feels for us, the effect on us as parents watching the future for our kids drift away into chronic unhappiness and pain... .  and more.

There was a discussion I recall many months ago about the issue of adopted children. I recall the suggestion that of course you could expect that children available for adoption would have a higher rate of BPD etc, given it is highly probably that they came from dysfunctional families in the first place. We know the role of genetics in BPD, (my mum and sister are BPD), so we could expect more BPD in children for adoption.

It interesting, I never appreciated the idea before this site, that to know there are others in the same situation as myself would be helpful... .  but it helps to know that others have the same problems as me... .  

cheers,

Vivek

[Senata48]

 My daughter, age 25, is adopted. I,m not sure if she has BPD. Her behavior hasn,t been  extreme.(no cutting, suicide attempts,or drug use so far) It,s like she is stuck in that teenage rebellious stage and won't accept adult responsiblities. There have been challenges in her life.

She feels abandoned by her biological mother, she is a different race, has learning difficulties(possibily dyslexic), and is having trouble dealing with her adopted fathers death five years ago.(just to name a few) I understand how you are feeling. With adopted children,there are so many extra complications in their lives that it's hard to know what is really going on with them. It helps to know that we are not alone.