Struggling with making NC definitive by blocking number

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So I posted in another thread about writing a 3000 word good-riddance letter to my ex that would initiate NC.  I didn’t send it nor do I have any intention of doing so.  She’s contacted me about once a month since the breakup.  It’s always her initiating. On a couple occasions I have responded (detailed in other posts).  Every time it’s ended with me saying something “never contact me again.”  So the NC is I guess informal as I’ve never made it so she can’t.  Anyway, I’ve been playing around with the idea of sending her a final text that initiated NC.  Something along the lines of “There’s no discerning the truth or motives with you.  Communication serves no purpose.  I’m blocking your number and email.  Good bye.”  Been playing with the wording for about a week. 

I realize I’m probably just stalling.  I don’t need to tell her I’m blocking her number.  I don’t need to tell her that she’s cut off.  If I just do it without saying anything she'll be "told" eventually.  I think one reason is I want to exert my will.  To make the stand and, metaphorically/symbolically, regain control not so much for her but for me.  Then again, tied closely to that is the idea that I’m telling her.  Telling her off maybe?  One final rejection to throw in her face.  "HA HAAAA! Eff you, go away because I said so!" 

The other reason is I simply don’t want to cut her off.  I don’t want to close that door.  Not because I want reconciliation or a recycle.  I’d never go back to her.  I know, you’re thinking, “heard that before.”  Trust me on this one, or read my other posts.  Regardless, I want to keep the door open because I want to leave possibility of affirmation in play.  I want the phone call or text looking for info and availability simply to prove I’m not so easily forgotten and discarded.  I also want the opportunity on the heels of her contact to tell her to go to hell.  I know it’s petty and twisted.  I want to take affirmation and to give the opposite.  Another scheme to even the scales?  I don't know but it’s me right now.  It’s just so easy to want the person that hurt you to take it back.  And I know affirmation should come from within.  Just frustrating to realize there's this hook in me and that it continues to effect my psyche.  And so I do nothing and stall some more.

[kahnighit]

So I posted in another thread about writing a 3000 word good-riddance letter to my ex that would initiate NC.  I didn’t send it nor do I have any intention of doing so.  She’s contacted me about once a month since the breakup.  It’s always her initiating. On a couple occasions I have responded (detailed in other posts).  Every time it’s ended with me saying something “never contact me again.”  So the NC is I guess informal as I’ve never made it so she can’t.  Anyway, I’ve been playing around with the idea of sending her a final text that initiated NC.  Something along the lines of “There’s no discerning the truth or motives with you.  Communication serves no purpose.  I’m blocking your number and email.  Good bye.”  Been playing with the wording for about a week. 

I realize I’m probably just stalling.  I don’t need to tell her I’m blocking her number.  I don’t need to tell her that she’s cut off.  If I just do it without saying anything she'll be "told" eventually.  I think one reason is I want to exert my will.  To make the stand and, metaphorically/symbolically, regain control not so much for her but for me.  Then again, tied closely to that is the idea that I’m telling her.  Telling her off maybe?  One final rejection to throw in her face.  "HA HAAAA! Eff you, go away because I said so!" 

The other reason is I simply don’t want to cut her off.  I don’t want to close that door.  Not because I want reconciliation or a recycle.  I’d never go back to her.  I know, you’re thinking, “heard that before.”  Trust me on this one, or read my other posts.  Regardless, I want to keep the door open because I want to leave possibility of affirmation in play.  I want the phone call or text looking for info and availability simply to prove I’m not so easily forgotten and discarded.  I also want the opportunity on the heels of her contact to tell her to go to hell.  I know it’s petty and twisted.  I want to take affirmation and to give the opposite.  Another scheme to even the scales?  I don't know but it’s me right now.  It’s just so easy to want the person that hurt you to take it back.  And I know affirmation should come from within.  Just frustrating to realize there's this hook in me and that it continues to effect my psyche.  And so I do nothing and stall some more.

[igiveup]

I have been in your shoes many, many, many times. I have blocked and unblocked, blocked and unblocked.  Nothing is definitive when it can be undone.  Giving a warning that you'll be blocking serves no purpose other than to, as you said, exert your will.  I agree it's somehow satisfying to take control, but IMHO doing the na-na-na-na-na-na will most likely cause her to react, and she'll find another way to contact you.  Email, call/text from another #, or have someone else call you.  Maybe she's not that aggressive or obsessive, but that has been my experience.  This sure is a frustrating mess to get out of cleanly, isn't it? 

[freshstart48]

 It certainly sounds like you don't want to let go. I get that, I do but ask yourself this... what's in it for you to keep an avenue open? You said you wouldn't go back to her, right? I agree with the above poster who said you don't need to tell her your blocking her, just do it.

Not many couple who break up remain friends. That's for the movies and fantasy land. If the relationship is truly over then cutting all ties is the best method to choose. Why leave any door open? There's no value. I'd focus you time on yourself and addressing what you need to move on in your life.