police showed up

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Here we go again.

Ex w had visitation from 4-8 yesterday. First time she showed up on time since December 17.

Lo and behold the police show up at 5:00 with protection from abuse stating that I was stalking her, Harassing her, threatening her. And she was afraid to be alone or walk in the streets.

Amazing how a judge can just grant these without a shred of proof. Just wild accusations.

Ex recently got a job on main street. Without telling me or the kids. We saw her car parked on main street in front of a bar/restaurant. My daughter saw it. took a picture and sent it to my ex. ( we were on our way to the mall to get sweatshirts)

That is what she considered stalking.

I asked for my tools back which went missing the time she was in the house. I did that as I do all our conversations in text. ( I requested communication through text only which was approved by the court). Her response was that she does not have them and stop harassing her. That was the supposed harassment.

These people are very dangerous. And the judges just listen to their wild accusations. And err on the side of caution.

Meanwhile, it diminishes the true victims of domestic violence.

Again, I am left defending myself. Thank goodness I have all texts and documentation to show that the charges are unfounded.

I advised my attorney of what happened. Forwarded all documentation. And now have to withold visitation from her with the kids, as she cannot come near the home. I cannot go near her home. And there can be no communication at all.

Don't these people understand reality? What world do they live in?

[broken3]

Here we go again.

Ex w had visitation from 4-8 yesterday. First time she showed up on time since December 17.

Lo and behold the police show up at 5:00 with protection from abuse stating that I was stalking her, Harassing her, threatening her. And she was afraid to be alone or walk in the streets.

Amazing how a judge can just grant these without a shred of proof. Just wild accusations.

Ex recently got a job on main street. Without telling me or the kids. We saw her car parked on main street in front of a bar/restaurant. My daughter saw it. took a picture and sent it to my ex. ( we were on our way to the mall to get sweatshirts)

That is what she considered stalking.

I asked for my tools back which went missing the time she was in the house. I did that as I do all our conversations in text. ( I requested communication through text only which was approved by the court). Her response was that she does not have them and stop harassing her. That was the supposed harassment.

These people are very dangerous. And the judges just listen to their wild accusations. And err on the side of caution.

Meanwhile, it diminishes the true victims of domestic violence.

Again, I am left defending myself. Thank goodness I have all texts and documentation to show that the charges are unfounded.

I advised my attorney of what happened. Forwarded all documentation. And now have to withold visitation from her with the kids, as she cannot come near the home. I cannot go near her home. And there can be no communication at all.

Don't these people understand reality? What world do they live in?

[AnotherPhoenix]

Broken3,

Wow. Are things any better now? Did you contact your lawyer? What did he/she say?

Did the police give you a chance to defend yourself against the accusations?

In many state filing a false accusation can be a criminal offense. You might want to talk to somebody who can give you legal advice on that.

Don't wait to act. Please get some legal advice today if you can. The longer you wait, the more of a negative effect this will have on you.

AnotherPheonix 

[broken3]

Spoke to the lawyer an hour after it happened. All documentation sent to lawyer.

Gonna request she pay court and legal fees. Be held in contempt. And supervised visitation.

This is the second time she did this. The first time she claimed I physically and verbally abused her and the kids.

Fought that and had charges dismissed and had her evicted from the home. The kids have been in my custody since November.

Oh but she still demands I pay her child support. Even though I have primary custody and can prove that she sees them on average 3% of any given month. Pretty crappy thing to do to your kids.

But they only care about themselves.

[AnotherPhoenix]

Spoke to the lawyer an hour after it happened. All documentation sent to lawyer.

Gonna request she pay court and legal fees. Be held in contempt. And supervised visitation.

This is the second time she did this. The first time she claimed I physically and verbally abused her and the kids.

Fought that and had charges dismissed and had her evicted from the home. The kids have been in my custody since November.

Fantastic!  

Oh but she still demands I pay her child support. Even though I have primary custody and can prove that she sees them on average 3% of any given month. Pretty crappy thing to do to your kids.

She can demand all she wants. It doesn't mean she will get them. It sounds like you have plenty of proof to keep primary custody -- do that -- don't give that away -- it sounds like that is the most important thing for your children. I think you get this. Back to the child support. She can demand all she wants. It doesn't mean she will get it.

It sounds like your lawyer understands what is going on and how to handle high conflict opponents. That is a big plus for you.

It also sounds like your soon-to-be ex is acting out, so always record, always document.

And now have to withold visitation from her with the kids

Your wife did that to herself, and, yes, also to her kids.

Once you get temporary orders worked out, she might get some time with them, such as every other weekend.



AnotherPheonix

[AnotherPhoenix]

Pretty crappy thing to do to your kids.

Its great to hear that you are focusing on your kids. This will help you get the best outcome from your divorce.

AnotherPheonix 

[ForeverDad]

Be very careful you don't get on the wrong side of family court.  Generally, the other courts defer to family court when custody, parenting and exchanges are involved, though don't assume that always happens.

For example, does her action necessarily block access to the children?  TROs or TPOs generally state ' no contact' without the presence of an officer of the court.  While obviously you now can't go to her home or her to yours, might family court reason that you two could have made exchanges elsewhere such as at a police station, sheriff's offices or a children's services child exchange center where officers of the court could make sure an uncontrolled incident is unlikely to happen?

It sounds like you're in a position of strength here, but there was a recent post that mentioned that though many procedures, policies and court decisions reflect an unwritten and unspoken default preference for mothers, especially for those earning less, there's another complication.  Many parents here, both fathers and mothers, report that the courts give every break possible for the misbehaving parent, apparently the courts and official are quick to defend the misbehaving parent's rights and relationship with the children.

Often the misbehaving parent doesn't suffer appropriate consequences and the behaving parent doesn't get any credit.  So far that's had only limited application in your situation, but be alert she doesn't twist things and get some credibility back.

[broken3]

Forever,

The family court judge is the one she flipped out in front of and the judge evicted her from the home.

The judge went as far as to say she needs to get her anger in check. And advised my ex to get therapy.

[krista8521]

  You will be given a court date, at that time you may appear to defend yourself against these accusations.

The Judge will hear your side, speak with the other and decide if a permanent restraining order will be granted.

The one you have now is just a temp. it's done until the courts have a chance to hear both sides and make a decision.

good luck, I know its hard to be on the end of false accusations.

[ForeverDad]

The family court judge is the one she flipped out in front of and the judge evicted her from the home.

The judge went as far as to say she needs to get her anger in check. And advised my ex to get therapy.

I would strongly recommend you get a written transcript of that family court hearing - presuming any of that got on the record since judges are reluctant to put anything more than the bare neutral minimum on the record - and present it to the court you are now dealing with.  Often judges are stuck with evaluating "he said, she said" but bringing documentation of the history will be a powerful help to your case.

In my case, I took it upon myself to find a court registered transcriber and pay to get it done.  It saved me time and money instead of paying my lawyer extra to do it for me.  I was surprised, not only did I get a copy but the transcriber also filed a copy with the court.  Fortunately that was okay with me.

[GaGrl]

Be prepared for HER to violate the order of protection.  If you have been communicating via text, and she can no longer do that, there may come a point when she feels compelled to tell you something, inquire as to visitation, etc.  Who knows?  But at that moment, the fact that SHE initiated the no contact situation may make no difference to what she is compelled to do in the moment.

[ForeverDad]

A lawyer can advise you how to respond if contacted despite an order, but as a general rule even if the 'protected' person contacts you, it does NOT give you the permission to violate the No Contact order and respond in any way prohibited by the order.

Your position (not sure if legally valid logic) is that the other person contacting you weakens the other's order, but you responding to it may not help you.  Get legal advice in advance, especially since a holiday weekend is approaching and lawyers won't be available to give guidance.

In my case, I tried to keep the police or other officials as a buffer between me and then ex.  I could not risk violating orders or, sure as rain falls and the sun rises, I knew she would use it against me.  Back then ex had blacklisted me, didn't try to communicate with me and so I didn't face this issue often, but I had to be prepared in case it did happen.

[Waddams]

I knew a guy once that was in a similar position where he had custody of the kids, and a TPO was issued after she filed a false claim.  She still had to pay him child support, so he didn't show up to the hearing.  No contact was ordered for a year, but they didn't address custody or child support or anything.  So all they really ended up with was he still had custody of the kids, she still had to pay, AND she couldn't contact him or go near him for visits, and it was her order!

He says it was the most peaceful year he and his kids ever had, LOL!  She eventually tried to contact him through an attorney to get them both to try to go to court to get the order removed early, but he refused.

Just pointing out how things that seem like a pain at the time can be turned around and made into good things for you!  Keep your spirits up and don't let her drama get you down.