My Dad made a great statement the other day

[costadelmar]

So I'm 40 and my dad is 72, we meet every week on Tuesday for lunch.  We started doing this about a year ago.  We talk about a lot of different topics and I enjoy getting to spend that time with him.  He was very aware that I was having an extremly difficult time with my post BPD b/u (I'm doing soo much better now).  I told him I was really in love with her more so than my ex-wife or any relationship prior (I had no idea about BPD at the time).  My dad replied 'I don't doubt it, sound like you both were in love with her."  I had to have him repeat that several times and then he simply said "Son, you were in love with her and she was in love with herself."  That statement kinda puts everything into perspective.

[Vindi]

well said, by dad! yep seems like alot BPD people are selfish, i know mine is. Your dad gave you some great advice! And yes, i bet it is more in perspective now!

[Vegasskydiver]

Although pwBPD are extremely selfish, i highly doubt they they love theirselves... .  i think the root of their disorder is that they loath themselves... .  :'(

[eniale]

Your Dad's comment was good; however, I think it's more accurate to say that a person is in love with a person with BPD, and the BPD person is in love with getting more love for themselves.  It's all about them; they are selfish because they are so empty inside and constantly are seeking something to fill themselves up, e.g., my exBPD said to me "I don't want you seeing/calling any other guys, I want you all to myself!" -- at the very same time that he was cheating on me!  He asked for (and had) my fidelity and I (incorrectly) assumed I had his.  But he did not respect me, or value the trust I had in him.  So, I was in love with him (and loyal to him) and he was seeking more, and more, and more, and more, etc., etc., etc., etc. love for himself, due to his own inner emptiness.