I'm sorry your dad treated you like that. You didnt deserve it. Children deserve to be loved and cherished. I spent too much time giving my ex the spot my children should have had. I hope they will be ok for what I have done.
They will be okay.
I spent too much time focused on my ex, also, when my daughter was about 16 to 20 years of age. If I had to do it over again, I'd have done it differently. But, having an understanding of what my childhood was like growing up, what was modeled for me by my parents, who were so wrapped up in their adult 'stuff' all the time, I can understand why it felt 'normal' to me at the time to put all my energy into my ex.
All we can do is keep learning and growing, and if we are honest and real with our kids, then they learn, too. I've apologized to my daughter for how distracted I was during that time in her late teens. I just want to make sure she knows I will be honest with her and I let her know that I want to know what her experience, is, too. I have to be careful not to assume that she has the same feelings about my distraction with my ex, as I did about my dads distraction with his new wife. I apologized to my daughter for my distraction, and she seemed like,
'mom, it's no problem, relax, I'm fine'. My anxiety moves to the idea that she's just saying that and she must be more upset than she is letting on because I was pretty upset with my dad; but her experience IS different than mine, and she is not me, so again, in my attempt to give her what my dad couldn't give me... . I have to be careful NOT to make it all about me and my expereince, and reallly listen and hear about her experience.
