Just wanted to share something my D2 did today, I think as a way of dealing with my uBPDw's dysregulation. I've chatted with several of you here about my concerns for my daughter, growing up with a uBPD mom. Today was one of those days when I feel like she's getting it.
My wife has dysregulated daily for at least the past several days. It rarely escalates these days, huge thanks to what I've learned here. She tends to just disappear to watch TV in our room, probably as a way of self-soothing.
Today our D2 did not fall asleep when we put her down for a nap. After a long time of hearing her play in bed, we got her up, and we all went grocery shopping. D2 was great at first but eventually got more cranky and started to do things she knows she shouldn't. My wife started to dysregulate. I gave our daughter a warning (because of her behavior, unrelated to my wife). My wife blamed me for our daughter's behavior (according to her, I let D2 get away with anything and I never discipline). I chose to ignore the comment and just asked "which cereal do you want?". D2 kept going, so I moved it from warning to consequence (no TV when we get home). About a minute later my wife escalated that to no TV tomorrow either. D2 got upset and whined all the way home.
When we got home, D2 settled down really quickly. My wife and I started to put away the groceries. After the bags were empty (stuff on the counter while I rearranged the fridge), my wife disappeared to our room again.
D2 hung around the kitchen with me. She didn't go play and didn't go see what mom was up to. She found things to play with in the kitchen and was curious as I put things away and then cleaned up what we had left out from lunch. This seemed to be her way of staying somewhere safe while mom was dysregulated.
Then when I was almost done, she put her hands up and asked for a hug. She just wanted one. I got (and gave) her a big, long one that felt great. Good for her for asking!
Then we played for a while. After a game of patty-cake, she got up and said she wanted to play patty-cake with mommy. I got up with her, and she ran into our room. Maybe she felt that enough time had passed and she could try to approach her mom again.
I may be reading too much into these things. Perhaps it's just me projecting! Either way, it's days like this when I feel that maybe she will turn our alright after all.
