Dividing Items

[Mind]

So stbexh has requested to pick up some personal items like tools, cooler, workout equipment, footwear, one table.   Is there anything I should know about this procedure?   I'm fine with the items he's requested.  He can take them when he comes by one day. I would think if we can divide items ourselves and it is civil,  it would be better, more cost-efficient, etc.   

[seeking balance]

So stbexh has requested to pick up some personal items like tools, cooler, workout equipment, footwear, one table.   Is there anything I should know about this procedure?   I'm fine with the items he's requested.  He can take them when he comes by one day. I would think if we can divide items ourselves and it is civil,  it would be better, more cost-efficient, etc.   

Document the list of community property items and then the items taken and have him sign off agreeing (I did this via email) - so you have a clear trail.

Honestly, this seems simple now, but when it gets near the end and abandonment really kicks in - this stuff can be used against you as a reason not to settle.  It did with me and many others that I have read about here.

[scraps66]

You can take a movie of your stuff.  Quikc and dirty way of documenting.  My L goofed on this one, we didn't ahve much to split up, but she said to carry any wieght, the stuff would have to be appraised.  True or not, it was just in the noise, but one of many "little" mistakes that in the end made a mound like tinker's dam.

[VeryFree]

Document as much as you can.

[ForeverDad]

If you know what they are, set them apart so he doesn't pick and choose through the house.  He will still try and you'll have to decide how much roaming and poking around to allow, but depending on the level of conflict try to have friends or witnesses there.  Remember, if you don't want him in the house, then it's not good to make an exception since it weakens your boundary.

Beware of being too nice, too fair or too willing to let your ex decide.

I recall that we each were to get half of our decorative china, mostly mismatched but some mine from before we met.  Too Nice FD took them all to her at a child exchange, point to some I said were mine and waited for her to agree.  Yeah, what was I thinking?  She said they were all hers and walked off with the entire box.  There was no way to get them back and I had to count it all, including my favorites, as a loss.

What I should have done was split them in half and give them to her and likely she wouldn't have challenged me.

It's okay to be fair, just not too fair, okay?  And if at all possible, don't give the option for you ex to choose or decide.  Either you'll get crumbs or your ex will trigger pondering the choices.  I recall another time we needed to adjust an exchange.  She was waffling about a time and I gave her 3 choices.  I thought it would make it easier but it triggered her and she said she wouldn't even make the exchange.  Argh!  Eventually we did have the exchange but see what I got for being too agreeable?

[livednlearned]

Beware of being too nice, too fair or too willing to let your ex decide.

Wise words. Hard to follow when you're used to appeasing and apologizing and giving in and being nice and reasonable. But at this point in your divorce, better to feel like an @ssh0l@ because it's usually a sign you're just being assertive.

I would ask him to list what he wants, then confirm with him that you will leave them with a third party. Do it all by email so there's a record.

[newlymarried]

I think that asking the police for a civil stand-by would be helpful. I would also recommend having a set time limit for your ex to be in your house.

[Waddams]

I'd have a friend or two come over and put the stuff he asked for in the driveway for him to pick up.  Give him a specific day it will be out there for him.  Then not let him in the house.