How do you communicate the depth of BPD behavior to others?

[jrx]

Howdy, I've called the police a couple times about the fits of rage my exBPDgf would throw. By "rage" I mean "stuff" and by "throw" I mean just that. What ends up happening is they come and see the calm, charming person who should win the Academy Award for Best Portrayal of a Diabolical Victim.

One time it was actually the police captain and one SWAT team member that showed up. I'm not exaggerating. When I described what happened to the captain and what it's like to live with a BPD, he gave me a sneer of condescension and lectured me on the penalties for domestic violence (since I'm the guy and she could never have tried to push me down the stairs twice).

I'm also quite convinced that the neighbors think I'm an anti-social psychopath. I sort of wish the world knew what it's like to deal with BPDs on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I don't have a choice but to do so since she's also my business partner. (I could write volumes on how stupid I know that is.)

But what I'd like to ask people more experienced than me (I?) is, if you had to credibly communicate dealing with a BPD in a few sentences to a cop or other "interested party", how would you describe it?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[lizzie458]

In my experience, this disease is so cunning and baffling that others really just won't get it, no matter how much you try to explain and help them see.  The more you try, the crazier it makes you look.  Unless the "interested party" has a real need to know - and I mean they're a cop and you're about to be arrested, etc. I would not even try to explain it.

In the scenario you mentioned though, the closest thing in my mind to BPD is alcoholism (or another addiction).  The symptoms are somewhat similar, raging and distorted thinking, victim mentality, Jekyll and hyde behavior, all or nothing thinking (black and white), etc.  With that said though, many people do not understand alcoholism or how to deal with an addict either, so drawing a parallel would not help you there.

I have come to accept that most people in my life are ":)GI" - don't get it - and never will.  When I need support or feedback from people who DO get it, I come here or turn to my Al Anon folks. 

[WalrusGumboot]

Some people just don't "get it", and they never will. Not a whole lot of the public knows much about BPD. Even after a discourse about what life was like with one and the reason for divorce, one response was "there are two sides to every story."

It took months before my best friend understood, once I started revealing it. He's a real intelligent guy and started researching it on his own and putting the pieces of the puzzle together between the symptoms and his observed behavior of her. Still, it was a struggle.

Yes, we risk smearing our own name when we start talking, because the truth seems so far-fetched in the listeners mind, that we probably appear to be the crazy one.

When it was all said and done, I was surprised how much support I did receive, even if they didn't understand it.

[bruceli]

Depending on the age of the person, I ask them if they have seen the movie fatal attraction.  That usually ignites a light bulb overhead.

[jrx]

Fatal Attraction, I'm going to remember that. Some days I feel more like the bunny than Michael Douglas :-| Then again, I'm not sure I've ever felt like him. I think you're right about not getting it.

Truthfully I don't even get it. I have the scorpion and the frog story constantly running through my head. When I tell other people about it, they don't understand because they can't even conceive of why the scorpion would do that. I would spell it out to my BPD (you are the scorpion in this story.), and the response would be that she doesn't think it applies.

Her next response is, I don't want to be normal. I want to act like I'm going to act because it's authentic. That's just who I am. Maybe she gets the scorpion story on the wrong level! She will tell me she knows she's inflicting pain on me because of some perceived insult that she twisted my words into. I found an article today that some people here have probably already read. I very much enjoyed reading it. I can't speak for others, it describes my experience almost perfectly.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201201/dont-try-reason-unreasonable-people

When I was younger, we used to throw around the term "psycho b_tch". I'm sure there's a pejorative for guys I'm unfamiliar with. Now I completely understand.

[bruceli]

Her next response is, I don't want to be normal. I want to act like I'm going to act because it's authentic. That's just who I am.

De Jevu on this one too... .  She just told me last night how she got kicked out of church when she was 21 for being loud and boistrous and did'nt understand why they would do that!  She's 50 now btw... .  

[bruceli]

Also forgot another discriptive favorite I use for explaining BPD to others... .  There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead.  When she was good she was very, very good.  But when she was bad... .  she was horrid... .