Dazed and Confused Broke Up with my BPD GF ... What to expect?

[Mark2430]

I don't want to bore you with the long details but bare wih me... .  recently I had been seeing someone it started quickly with her professkng her love for me after our first date, and things developed quickly from there, we talked alot and saw each other a couple times over the next 5 weeks, and I was suppose to go visit her for a few days but honestly was tired of the mood swings and the verbal abuse, and I told her that I wouldn't be coming if she was going to continue hammering me, and then she unleashed a tirade of texts on me calling me every name in the book, I had no contact with her and then a week later she texts me that "No guy will ever compare to me and how she feels about me" I responded by telling her Thanks that means alot and she has a special place in my heart, she then responded asking me if that was closure ... .  I told her a week ago she told me to got to hell and die and then she tells me no guy will ever compare to me, and that I love her but I don't want to be called names, accused of cheating all the time (which this was a constant) and have her throw things that I say back in my face all the time so she responded that I was a jerk and a bunch of four letter words and that I was cocky and she never was in love with me it was just a challenge for her and I'm the opposite of any guy she has ever dated and that she was ok never seeing me or talking to me again... .  So I responded Thanks and take care... .  My question is its been 12 days since that conversation I have read an enormous amount on BPD and I am wondering if you think she will attempt to make contact again or will she just move on... .  ? Any experience or insight would be helpful

[Clearmind]

 

Mark2430, the push/pull is confusing. What are you wanting to come of this relationship? Are you hopeful she will contact you?

[Mark2430]

Not sure i guess part of wants that, but then after everything I have read I am thinking maybe it's just best to move on, I don't know this is just a different experience for me, we had alot of really good times but I don't see alot of success stories that give me much hope

[grad]

Whether or not she attempts to contact you will depend on her ability to find new supply and her (and to some extent your) need to have you in her life.

I was in a similar situation and when they progress so fast it's a test to find out how committed you really are to the r/s.  It's easy to be with someone when things are good but a true test is how you and her handle adversity as a couple.  If you do truly love her and want it to work then give her space but occasionally contact her every few weeks to show you care but not seem needy, and understand that when she's being mean it's her vulnerable and you'll need to learn how to validate her feelings, understand what's really going on inside her head, and assure her that you are committed to "us."  If it's something you can't handle long-term then avoid her altogether.  

It's going to be a lot of work to maintain this r/s and it's something you need to really settle with yourself before you decide your best course of action.  pwBPD are insecure and very vulnerable to their feelings/emotions and will test every boundary you have.  My question is, how strong is your emotional control are you and how sure are of yourself?  If she finds that she can break you down emotionally it may make the r/s last longer because it gives them a sense of control but my gut instinct is that's not what they really want anyway.  They probably want a mix of someone who can show emotion but not lose control, to show that you truly do care rather than feel nothing at all rather or be just like them.

[Mark2430]

I appreciate the response, I am very much in control of my emotions and very comfortable with who I am as a person, I realized early on that when she would react a certain way that she was hurting and it was her way of coping with what she was feeling, and so I just gave her space, and the truth is she probably has other supply to pull from so I may not here from her again, I am not against taking to her or seeing her again, but I definitely would put more boundaries in place and take things more slowly, I'm not a needy person at all, and so I think I frustrated her quite a bit that I could just walk away when she would try to bait me into an argument or try to make me jealous or accuse me of things, none of it bothered me, and I think you are right that they want control but also don't really want someone weak and that will just lay down and take it, I can see how people who struggle with codependency can get hooked quick in a relationship like this... .  I'm not sure i will hear from her again and I am not going to make contact with her, if she contacts me fine, but I am not going to go out of my way,She is very very attractive I'm sure she will and ready has other supply to call on... .  

[hithere]

if she contacts me fine, but I am not going to go out of my way

Be thankful you only wasted five weeks, chalk this one up to a life experience.

My best advice is to never speak to her again, even if she contacts you.

[WalrusGumboot]

it started quickly with her professkng her love for me after our first date

If this is her hook, then she certainly has snared somebody else. Who can resist a very beautiful woman who fell in love with them on a single date?

As hithere said, it was only five weeks. I don't necessarily call it a waste, unless you learned nothing from it.

Be smart and have nothing to do with her again.

[Mark2430]

Thanks for all the advice, these boards have been very helpful in putting things in perspective, I really think I handled everything in the best way for me as a person, in her final email to me she said that the times we were together were amazing but she couldn't handle me being cocky ( which was me telling her that, I wasn't going to take the name calling and accusations) and so she was ok never talking to me or seeing me again... .  I sensed some push pull in that statement, and it's been almost 3 weeks NC and I see the best course of action is to just ignore her completely... .  If she tries to contact me

[Mightyhammers]

and so she was ok never talking to me or seeing me again

Just a ‘warning’ – Ive had this type of thing told to me around 3 or 4 times now, and shes been back in contact with me every time ( I expect her to be back in contact with me in another few months or so, although I cant guarantee it obviously ). If she does get back to you – STAND. YOUR. GROUND.

[turtle]

Not sure i guess part of wants that, but then after everything I have read I am thinking maybe it's just best to move on, I don't know this is just a different experience for me, we had alot of really good times but I don't see alot of success stories that give me much hope

You already know your own answer, Mark2430.  You think you're confused now... .  wait until it's been 5 years and you have a house, a mortgage, and a couple of innocent kids (who will be COMPLETELY confused.)   You can walk away right now, with little or no damage to you or anyone else! 

Anyone who treats you this way NOW, will not treat you better later.

turtle

[Mark2430]

Just a thanks to everyone that took the time to respond, it was really nice to have the re-assurance from all of you and with each response I felt myself getting stronger and stronger I have learned soo much through this process, although this has been a difficult experience it's nice to know their are people who understand and can be supportive thanks again... .  And I will stand my ground... .