Chronicles of being w/ a High Functioning BPD?

[Buzz77]

After spending the holidays with my ex and her family, she went distant for a few days (probably lining up her new rltp.), sending me little texts. My ex then dumped me, citing the romance had died and we had no connection (we had different kissing styles she said and we lacked a primal connection); she insisted we remain best friends, which being co-dependent I complied with (she said "the ball was in my court" on whether I wanted to lose her as a friend), watched as I cried, holding me, telling me that I had to learn to love myself better and that according to Buddhism we are all alone and will never find happiness through another. she said it was unlikely for the remaining months of school she would find another lover.

For a month and a half we were friends; I comforted her when she was upset and had a crisis or two, drove her to school (we're grad students); she complained we didn't hang out enough, still shot me the occasional temper tantrum and silent treatment (she did this while we sat in traffic); then she went to visit "a friend" in XY for a wknd.; she came back (I didn't ask about her friend), I helped her move to a new apt., and over dinner, at our favorite restaurant, she asked that I confirm I was her best friend -- and then w/ a big smile she told me she had "a new romantic interest." I cried immediately, felt terrible. Walked outside and sat on a curb, where she told me I was "the most amazing man she ever met," told me that it was again up to me to remain best friends. I said best friends is not feasible, that NC was best, and that I would be there for her during any bad times; she yelled that friends should be there in both fairweather and badweather times, and this is why she doesn't like rlpts. (by my count she is 33 and has been over ten rltps.), because you always lose your friend afterwards. I cried for several days, took a week off from school; she texted me a lot, asking how I was doing, telling me things would get better. Finally we both agreed to do NC. Next day though she is e-mailing and texting me; I gave polite replies back, saying I was fine; my texts angered her; she felt I didn't want to hear from her. We then went hardcore NC, which she described as "an awesome idea" while crying about how upset she was. She started crying in between classes, e-mailing me about how cold and indifferent things had become; eventually after four weeks, I returned some stuff in my apt. to her because she kept e-mailing angry, asking for her sandals... .  I softened on seeing her, walked her dog and told her I was ready to stop NC, that I cared about her; she said she was bitter about how I treated her and that she wasn't sure about her standing in our mutual group of friends (no one knew about us together, but I think people had ideas/theories)... .  she said now that she needed space to heal (she was still with the dude from XY, who I refused to talk about), that right now were nothing... .  I left, feeling that there was nothing left for me to do. A week later she texted me for lunch; we talked about insignificant things; she felt we were "back." Then I saw she had an internship in Z, XY, which really hurt me. We didn't talk for two weeks (I think she went out of town, as I did, probably to see the dude in XY); then came a slew of texts, nice texts asking to have lunch to catch up; I even invited her to a lunch I set up for a former patient of hers'... .  anyhow I thought the texts were about "connecting" before I left to go to my internships (and probably never see her again), but a friend slipped that she was curious if I was going to graduation in a few weeks because she wanted to know if she could have her LDR from XY fly up, the one who she knows makes me upset, who she left me for, and go to the ceremony (so I guess it wasn't about connection). My friend also let it slip that my ex cheated w/ this guy (probably just kissing, but who knows emotionally what was going on) a day after I had spent New Year's Eve w/ her family... .  

I have so much anger and hurt (and this is just post-rltp. anecdotes, my 10 month rltp. stories could take up numerous posts). I wish we had clean NC, which she wouldn't respect.

Does this sound like high functioning BPD? NPD? Just immature? BPD traits?                

[Surnia]

Hi Buzz77

and 

So sorry to hear about your very difficult relationship! Many things of your story are quite familiar here.

You are asking about BPD or NPD or high functioning. I would not so much focus on a diagnosis. We simply don't know it. What you know is you were in a unhealthy relationship with silent treatment, tantrums, probably cheating.

I can relate with your with to have NC. Is there something you can do to enforce this?

Perhaps you may read this article: Boundaries Tools of Respect

Please keep in touch, Buzz77

Surnia