Separating from husband, wishing I had normal mom

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello all,

I have been processing over the past few years that my mom has BPD. I have young children and its been very painful to not have a mother support figure/grandmother for them. My husband had an affair and I've filed for divorce. I just feel so adrift having lost the one person I thought I could count on for support, my husband. I finally told my parents, and of course my mom is asking me since I'm in therapy, why can't I figure out why I am not close to her? Why can't I just drop everything and come up and visit her so she can "mother me" (gee remember I have small children?).

It's just so painful. I am in therapy and am reaching out to other family members as I can, but they are not my parents of course. I just wish I had a normal family for support, especially now. I've been dreading telling them. I was trying so hard to give my kids a normal family life and now I feel like I have to do it alone on my half... .  

[curious64]

Hello all,

I have been processing over the past few years that my mom has BPD. I have young children and its been very painful to not have a mother support figure/grandmother for them. My husband had an affair and I've filed for divorce. I just feel so adrift having lost the one person I thought I could count on for support, my husband. I finally told my parents, and of course my mom is asking me since I'm in therapy, why can't I figure out why I am not close to her? Why can't I just drop everything and come up and visit her so she can "mother me" (gee remember I have small children?).

It's just so painful. I am in therapy and am reaching out to other family members as I can, but they are not my parents of course. I just wish I had a normal family for support, especially now. I've been dreading telling them. I was trying so hard to give my kids a normal family life and now I feel like I have to do it alone on my half... .  

[cleotokos]

I feel for you curious. I've gone LC with both my parents and all I have left is my boyfriend. I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost him - I don't have any relationship with my extended family and am distanced from my siblings/step-siblings too. My mom has been a support of sorts in the past and I can't imagine not having even that if something were to happen. What can you do but be the best mom for your kids through this, the kind of parent you never had. 

[GeekyGirl]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, curious.   

I can see why you'd wish that your mother would be more supportive; when we go through hard times, it's only natural to want the support of family. Right now your needs and your children's well-being are the most important things. You sound like you're very dedicated to your children, and I'm sure that they can see that, even if they're young. 

While I know it's no substitute for having loving parents, are you finding support from the rest of your family and/or friends?

Hang in there and keep us posted on how you're doing.