HOW, can you manage to stay sane?

[Ketz]

Long post incoming! I have a hypothetical question to people who has a loved one with BPD.

Let's assume the following scenario:

- the BPD person is having a serious emotioal crisis, and saying things that you cannot take easily. Let's say for example, being verbally agressive and very personal. It feels like the person penetrates your weakest spots with those words and actions.

- you are trying to control your emotions big time, because you know that arguing is not an option with the person, since the person cannot see any reason in the emotional crisis.

- you feel like just taking a break and escaping, to keep sane and protect yourself from being an emotional sponge.

- helping doesn't help, the BPD person refuses any attempt of calming him/her down, and just get's offended; the person thinks you are treating him/her like a "retarded" patient.

- you just cannot take anymore, and just need to respond back. You feel that you have handled many emotional outbursts from the person with BPD, but that you are about to get enraged big time and cannot control your anger.

- escaping is not an option, because the BPD person will probobly self-harm.

- you feel that you have to be strong for both of you. You feel insane unfairness that the BPD person can escape with drugs like Clonazepam to calm down, but you are not allowed to do that because "you're not disordered".

- you feel like you have no right to express your feelings, because everything is making the BPD person feel guilty which often leads to you being accused of expressing your emotions as a reaction to the BPD persons actions.

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HOW, can you manage to stay sane? HOW can you prevent yourself from screaming of pure rage and unfairness, and yell back at the BPD person? What would your strategy be? What would you do?

IMPORTANT: And in case you scream back at the person (without any physical agressivity) and just purge all the accumulated anger, and the BPD person later starts questioning the relationship because of it, how would you react? Assume that you feel that you had the right to explain yourself, because you feel that you take that ammount of agressivity yourself - many times a week, from the BPD person.

All constructive input is very welcome!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[allibaba]

Yikes.  Since no one else has commented... . I'll say that whatever your situation... . you have to find a way to take care of you.  Even if it is not physically getting away - find a way to untangle from the emotional enmeshment (is that a word?)... . read, watch movies, mindfulnessn exercises.  If you are going to stay sane you will have to learn to detach w love.

Read the lessons. First you will learn how to stop making it worse! ( invalidating comments jade-ing)... . after that you'll learn how to make it better (boundaries, validation, learning to listen).  Good luck

Ps the lessons are om the right.

[VeryFree]

Tough things you're going through!

I went through the same thing, had the same feelings, the same questions during my 10 yrs-r/s.

I only started reading about BPD after my break up. Like allibaba says: read through the lessons (on the right) and share your story overhere.

Take care of yourself!