Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
June 15, 2024, 04:48:46 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
New Insights
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: New Insights (Read 340 times)
eniale
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 167
New Insights
«
on:
May 15, 2013, 02:08:47 PM »
It's a little over 3 months since break up and it's two steps forward & one back; but I have discovered some new insights that may help others. My SO pwBPD was very accomplished. I once said "you have a lot of confidence" and he replied (truthfully for once) "It's just a façade." Now I realize (insight #1) that his self esteem is zero despite accomplishments. This results in what I call "the bottomless pit." Breakup came because he met another woman but wanted me to participate in a threesome. I now realize that there will never be enough women to fill up a bottomless pit. He wanted variety, even though I told him at the beginning if relationship was to be an intimate one, I wanted exclusivity (which he agreed to -- said I had "nothing to worry about" when it came to other woman.) The bottomless pit extends to friends also -- he actually wanted me to remain his "best friend" after I refused the threesome. Also, bottomless pit pertains to money, he was cheap, not frugal, even though he had a good income. A bottomless pit is just that -- bottomless. This insight helps me to realize break up came not because "I wasn't enough" -- because no one person will ever be enough -- there is never enough of anything to fill up a bottomless pit. Insight #2 is one I picked up from a post I read on here: Many (most?) pwBPD cannot be intimate with another, so they substitute intensity for intimacy. This is especially apparent in the sexual area. They consider themselves very sexual, but it is often bizarre, perhaps crude and vulgar (& I am not a prude.) Lovemaking is not in their vocabulary. Insight #3, they are perfectionists -- but not in all areas -- there simply is not enough time in the day to be perfect about everything, so they may be perfect in some areas and have total chaos in others (which they never seem to see.) Hope this is helpful to someone.
Logged
Waddams
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living single, dating wonderful woman now
Posts: 1210
Re: New Insights
«
Reply #1 on:
May 15, 2013, 04:35:57 PM »
It seems you're already on your way to understanding and some healing.
So what's next for you?
Logged
eniale
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 167
Re: New Insights
«
Reply #2 on:
May 15, 2013, 04:48:43 PM »
What's next for me? Hmmmm... . well, right after breakup I got involved with 2 organizations. I knew I had to fill up my life as he used to call every day (at least once, sometimes more) and we saw each other 2-3 times a week. I have great friends & they were supportive, but, hey, they have their own lives. No family nearby. I am meeting new people with the 2 new groups. One is a grass roots community organization, the other a sports team. I really would like to meet a new life partner, but at present not actively looking. I know for sure next time I will go very, very SLOW -- slow to get to know, very slow to trust, and very, very slow to consider we have a solid relationship. In my relationship with pwBPD things moved too fast (I think he also is commitment phobic, although he said we were partners for life -- when things got very close between us, that is when he found his new woman) He swept me off my feet as he was very assertive to point of being aggressive (although I take responsibility for not being more cautious). So for now, it's just one day at a time. Pain is still very much there, but then I change my thoughts & do a reality check. He is not stable, he could be nasty, he did not value my trust or respect me and I deserve better than that.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
New Insights
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...