When he's not disregulated, my BPDbf wants to meet my needs - but he's so unaware of them. He doesn't hear me when I talk and doesn't understand most of what I say when he tries to listen. Maybe I'm a poor communicator - maybe I choose only 'deaf' people to talk to about my inner needs.
When I raise my needs, uBPDh accuses me of being selfish. It is always about how little I care about his needs when he is so kind to me, so caring, etc. But in fact he cares about me in the way he wants, he doesn't listen to how I want it, which means a lot of time his supposedly caring act makes me feel worse. Worse still, I have to appreciate it or else he says I'm ungrateful as well! Of course things are not the same the other way around. When I do something, he doesn't care about my intention, and only the result- is it something he wanted? He always tells me intention doesn't matter, only the result (of him being happy or not, and 99% of the time he's not).
I don't know if we're all weak to stay in such a relationship, or incredibly strong. The 2 people in the world who knows my situation thinks that I'm strong because I try to make the marriage work. Sometimes I think I'm incredibly stupid... . but for me, I tend to think not of the "what ifs" and just focus on making it work now... .
