New here, want to learn

[Hazy Journey]

Hello everyone, I recently learned about BPD and am curious to learn more about it so I can understand my life more and how this has effected me and my journey.  I grew up with an older brother that I now believe to suffer with BPD.  He is homeless now and I worry about him, but me and my other siblings cannot help him out of fear of how it will turn out inviting him into any of our homes.  It breaks my heart he is out there somewhere, I wish so much I could help him.

I have been married for 20 years and my marriage has not been a very good one.  My husband has many issues himself, but I don't know if he is BPD or not, he is the opposite of emotional, he rarely shows emotion.  After growing up in such an emotional household, I have found I struggle with my husbands lack of emotions.  It has caused many problems.

I find I am attracted to friends/people that are like my brother.  As a child I named my brother Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde because he'd go from being super sweet and caring to being hateful and cruel.  I have had friends like this that I have gotten close to that would turn on me and it would shatter me, but I would always be there for them if they came back, always felt compassion and wanted to help somehow.  But I now struggle with trusting people.  Recently I discovered BPD when I did a search online about personality issues, suicide threats, and alchoholism.  I know my brother has been forced by the courts to see a psychiatrist but I don't know what he has been diagnosed with because I haven't spoken to him in awhile.  The last time he called me he was drunk and I have to say I'm kind of relieved he hasn't called me since.  He calls our oldest sister from time to time to update her and recently, after some therapy, he actually apologized to her for the way he has treated us all in the past.  I was happy to hear this, because he has never taken responsibility for his actions before, he has always blamed others.     

So I am here to learn more about BPD and how it effect relationships and families.  Thank you for this site and for all the caring people here.   

[laelle]

Hello Hazy Journey,

 

I understand how difficult it must be for you to care and love your brother and not be able to "reach" him.  You are not alone.  There are others here who you may find have similar stories to share.

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively affect everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

You asked for more information on BPD and I wanted to share a bit with you.  Hope these resources help you in understanding your brother and yourself a little better.

Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder

You mentioned that you are not really happy in your own life.  Would you care to go into more detail about that?


Laelle

[heartandwhole]

 

Hi Hazy Journey,

I'd like to welcome you to the site as well.  You are definitely not alone.  We have lots of tools here which can help you understand your relationship with your brother, and also help you cope, should you in the future choose to  communicate with him again.   You will find understanding and support here.

Laelle has given some great information to get started.  keep posting and ask any questions you may have.  We are here for you.  

heartandwhole  

[Hazy Journey]

Thank you Laelle and heartandwhole, I will check out the links. 

My husband and I have had many problems over the years, he can be very shallow and controlling and a perfectionist who points out my failures.  I do not have very high self esteem and am hard on myself already as it is when I fail at anything.  I believe this goes back to my brother, who would build me up, telling me I was a great person and sister, then he'd tell me I was a waste of space and should have never been born.  My husband was a body builder when I met him, I felt safe with him.  But I have scoliosis and I'm shy and I have always been very self conscious about my body.  My husband seemed fine when we dated for 2 years before marrying, he changed after we married, didn't want me having friends or spending much time with my Mom and siblings, he made me feel bad about my body and has rarely touched me.  It has taken it's toll on me over the years and I have thought often lately about asking for a divorce but I find I am scared to be on my own and alone.  We now live far from my siblings.  I don't have any support or friends where we live now.  I just got a job recently after being a stay at home Mom for 8 years.  I am trying to find myself again and to build confidence in myself, which has got me thinking about the past and the impact my Brother had on me and my life and why I've put up with all I have from my husband.

I will check out the L5 board and see what I can learn there. 

Thank you for your replies and help.