Emotional Abuse

[Buzz77]

Unsure of whether or not I was "emotionally abused" in my rltp.?  Or just mistreated?

[stop2think]

Buzz77 - Eitherway it should not be tolerated. Here is a link that could help you understand; www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/EmotionalAbuse.html

[nolisan]

David Richo asks

":)o you have to be "on your best behavior" in order to ensure you get his/her love?"

I know I did (walking on eggshells). It was an abusive r/s.

If it feels abusive it probably is. Run away!

[laelle]

Abusive YES

Intentional NO

This is why making that distinction between abuse and non abuse so difficult.  If you received the toxic garbage emails even close to the ones I did, if you received the daily "I dont mean this in a bad way, but you suck" criticism, and if your needs are always first to be discarded and last to be addressed... . its abuse.

Intention doesnt matter, damage is damage.

[TippyTwo]

Defining and identifying emotional abuse can be tricky. My ex always accused me of being mean and my words as being hurtful to her.

I am very direct and can be very blunt. This doesn't work well for people with BPD. They tend to like to talk in circles and are amazingly vague. The more you try and pin them down, the more likely you will be called names or accused of something. They don't seem to understand that you are asking questions so you can to understand what they are trying to say.

My ex like to revert to accusing me of gaslighting her.  This meant she was denying something she said or did and she would stick with it even when presented with evidence to the contrary. It was maddening.

"Forgetfulness" seems to be a borderline trait or maneuver. Passive aggressiveness disguised as humor is a trait as well.

It is easy to begin questioning your own perceptions cuz they tend to do all this crap in private. Rarely do they do it when others are around.

Trust your gut. Sometimes, it is hard to put words to the behavior but you do know how it makes you feel. If it is abusive, it makes you feel like crap or like you are constantly having to defend yourself or you are censuring what you say to avoid conflict etc.