one more attempt to break away and smearing campaign started

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well. It´s been another hard weekend. This time I did a mistake. I got info that she had been in a relationship with a married man before my time and that kind of upset me. Also I´ve been quite angry about all the money she took from me and has not mentioned paying back.

Last week she told me she would do anything to get me back, marry me tomorrow, I was the best ever etc. etc. That she had hurt me and she knew that.

Then I said to her I would not want that anymore but then I did a mistake. I called her and asked her about the money and she said she would pay me after half 2016 and half 2017. Yeah right

Then she told me she has seen that I have mental problems, she said that at the time I was not ready for a relationship with her. That I verbally and emotionally violated her. And she would now look for a man that would suit her better.

This got me upset. I told her if she was forgetting all the lies and the bad things she did and has already admitted... . all gone. Then I said that I´ve gotten info about her behaviour in the past and she SNAPPED... . constant sms, threats about talking to my boss at work. Said I was crazy and she would never talk to me again and constant sms which I didn´t even read all.

So now it´s NC attempt 3. I will make it this time. My therapist said today. You are stuck in a cage of thought about her, nearly obsessed and NC is the only way. He said she is so Borderline that we don´t need any more proof. But NC is the answer... .

I know she is starting the smearing campaign has started. But it´s not in my hands i guess to do anything about that.

My sanity is priority right now. But of course i´m nervous about her next actions.

[tomjon78]

Well. It´s been another hard weekend. This time I did a mistake. I got info that she had been in a relationship with a married man before my time and that kind of upset me. Also I´ve been quite angry about all the money she took from me and has not mentioned paying back.

Last week she told me she would do anything to get me back, marry me tomorrow, I was the best ever etc. etc. That she had hurt me and she knew that.

Then I said to her I would not want that anymore but then I did a mistake. I called her and asked her about the money and she said she would pay me after half 2016 and half 2017. Yeah right

Then she told me she has seen that I have mental problems, she said that at the time I was not ready for a relationship with her. That I verbally and emotionally violated her. And she would now look for a man that would suit her better.

This got me upset. I told her if she was forgetting all the lies and the bad things she did and has already admitted... . all gone. Then I said that I´ve gotten info about her behaviour in the past and she SNAPPED... . constant sms, threats about talking to my boss at work. Said I was crazy and she would never talk to me again and constant sms which I didn´t even read all.

So now it´s NC attempt 3. I will make it this time. My therapist said today. You are stuck in a cage of thought about her, nearly obsessed and NC is the only way. He said she is so Borderline that we don´t need any more proof. But NC is the answer... .

I know she is starting the smearing campaign has started. But it´s not in my hands i guess to do anything about that.

My sanity is priority right now. But of course i´m nervous about her next actions.

[confetti]

She will most likely use that money to string you, for your sanity you may just need to accept it as a loss. I know how you feel though, I lost at least 3k and kept calling mine back to get my stuff. x_x

I had to cut the idea of getting anything back to let go of any thoughts of him.

It can really stick you if you don't just cut her out and shrug.

Telling them "you know" the behaviours they've placed then and now is really just beating a dead horse.

[Mian]

Even though I decided last week to stay in the relationship with my BPD partner, I put in a NC because he kept verbally abusing me. I then after 6 days called him, just to say I love him. This just put him into another rage. On the phone he was calm and understanding, asking me if we could meet up someday (I am not living with him). I said sure, however tomorrow I'm meeting a friend so let's pick another day. Everything well, we would agree on a day. However, after the call, he started sending nasty messages, saying I'd rather go out with a friend then spending time with him. That I was dumping him for someone not important. And it went on and on. It still does. I do not respond but I do read his messages and I wonder and worry whether he will actually do what he says he's gonna do (poisoning my friends dogs, falsely reporting illegal activities I am apparently engaging in, etc.) This kind of behavior has been normal for him and he never ever actually follows through on his threats. I know NC is the best way to go for me right now, however it sends him through the roof. He will continue until I respond, in a forgiving way. That's what I've done so far and he is expecting me to do it again. However, this time I want to do what is best for me, which is not respond at all in any way. He will eventually give up and I guess that is where our fear lies: They will leave us alone and we will be left with our worries and our broken heart, unable to believe they moved on. That seems to be the hold they have on you, because we always come back, whether it is to say we love them or to try and get something back that belongs to us (money, personal items). We are hooked again. With all this, yes, I do believe NC is the best we can do. We just have to remember why we do it:We do it for our own sanity. We should not do it hoping it will make them see "the light". They won't see the light and we know it. It is hurting me, yes, because he will tell me again how much he loves me and how he can't imagine his life without me. But if I give in, I will be called a useless piece of s**t, a liar and a cheater etc. within a week.

So, I have to stay strong for me. Reading the posts on this site and getting responses on my posts is helping a lot. I write down some of the one-liner advices I find and read them when I feel anxious.

[GreenMango]

Take care of you - like you are doing.  Somethings are worth more than any amount of money like sanity. 

[bpdspell]

Breakups are never a smooth transition with BPD's but once you've made your decision all you've got to do is stick to it. Like others have mentioned you may have to simply value your piece of mind over the money you have doled out.

My ex "owed" me many things but in the end I was willing to part with whatever I lost to gain back my sanity.

Yes. Smear campaigns are hurtful. But what your ex says is beyond your control. is it betrayal? Yes. Does it hurt that they would wanna have one last dig? Hell yeah. But it's no different from all of the other hurtful stuff that they do when they're with us!

The only thing you have power over is how you react. And no reaction is your best offense. The sound of crickets to a BPD is the sound of a decision (on our part) coming from a place of power. And when we take back our power they have zero control over us.

Controlling others is how they keep the game going. Getting off the roller coaster puts control where it belongs; with you.