Another update

[crazedncrazymom]

I think my last update was in April just after my dd16 was supposed to come home for the weekend to celebrate her birthday.  We got a call from the rtf just as we were walking into the house after the 3 hour drive to get here.  The therapist said she had left a suicide note and that we were to return immediately.

THe next night staff had found her with a shoestring around her neck and she claimed to have swallowed multiple objects.  They put her on intensive supervision. She ran a high fever 103 and had severe stomach pain so they took her to the er.  The x-ray showed the objects but everything was passing through fine.  Turns out she had the flu.  As soon as she got back she started swallowing things again.  She was also instigating a lot with peers and was put on levels.  She eventually had to serve 20 hours of kitchen time (time spent at the kitchen table reading writing and drawing) which must be served before she is allowed to do any activities. 

She eventually calmed down and started talking with her therapist and other staff members.  She came home last weekend and we had a wonderful time.  It went by far too quickly and I was really sad to take her back.  She's had a rough week with some really sad feelings.  She called me crying a few days ago and was so sad.  She admitted she didn't know what was wrong ... . but get this!... . she said "I think I"ll just go to bed early tonight and hope I wake up feeling better!     That was the first time in oh so long that she has actually realized that feeling bad or sad wasn't the end of the world and that it will pass. 

However, she called a couple days ago and started talking about how July was coming and she was feeling suicidal again.  We've spent the past two Julys in the hospital dealing with serious od's.  DH and I have been worried about it too.  I told her and myself and dh how July was really just another month on the calendar and not the designated national commit suicide month.  But to be honest, I just have knots in my stomach and I'm starting to dread the upcoming home passes. 

She did end up having a wonderful weekend.  The rtf took the girls on an outing and they went someplace ( she won't tell me where because she wants me to go next weekend and be surprised) and to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner.  Her spirts were up last night when we spoke and that's a very good thing.  It doesn't sound like she's wallowing in self-pity and may be able to pull out of those thoughts.

Just a side note:  DS17 has post concussion syndrome.  He has a 6/10 headache all the time.  He also had allergies which turned his headache into a migraine.  We took him to the ER and they gave him some medication in an IV and a few minutes later he started cursing at me and growling (seriously growling ... . GRRRRRRR) at me.  I ran out to get the nurse and he and the dr came in to see my son.  They said it was the medication and gave some benedryl to counteract the effects.  Just goes to show how we all need to be so careful and aware of the medications we give our kids and their reactions to them.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

crazed... . yes I remember that post you made because my dd was coming home for her first visit and it reminded me to keep an eye on her... . they are so good and appearring fine.

How long has your dd been at her RTC now? Seems like she had a hard time adjusting but has shown improvements now... . I think we all need to remember it will take time... . be patient and postive. I try not to let my dd's set backs bring me down... . it is always two steps foward and one step back at our house.

hugs to you... . great news!  

[griz]

That is great news and thanks for the update... . yes it is always 2 steps forward and one step back, but you are still moving forward.

Griz 

[vivekananda]

crazedncrazy I am so glad to hear the general upbeat situation. While I understand you are worried, you must be pleased with how things are.

You know the story of the people who march once a year in Germany from their church to the Town Hall (I think). They take two steps forward and one step back, all the way. Those in the march don't feel much progress, but those looking on from the hill see a beautiful slow procession.

I like that analogy much better then the roller coaster one. Although it sure feels like that at times.

If those migraines don't abate, you may want to investigate neurofeedback. apparently it has been used successfully in the treatment of chronic migraine.

thank you for your update, keep on posting (when you can) - we need you too,

Vivek    

[pessim-optimist]

crazedandcrazymom,

Thank you for your update! It's great to hear things are looking up at the moment. DD is making progress. 

However, she called a couple days ago and started talking about how July was coming and she was feeling suicidal again.  We've spent the past two Julys in the hospital dealing with serious od's.  DH and I have been worried about it too.  I told her and myself and dh how July was really just another month on the calendar and not the designated national commit suicide month.  But to be honest, I just have knots in my stomach and I'm starting to dread the upcoming home passes.

Hmm... . I'd understand if it was February - that's the month where we live, everyone gets cranky and ready for the winter to be over... .

Why July? Have you detected any specific triggers for your dd? I understand that now the anniversaries of the previous bad Julys are making it harder, but what was/were the original causes? Can you eliminate the trigger/s or at least change it up somehow that it would not FEEL like a "July"?

[crazedncrazymom]

Thanks everyone. 

jellibeans:

She's been away from home since July 5th and in the current rtf since Feb 28.  I think the two things that stand out in helping her the most is their accountability policies and the fact that I can rush out and SAVE MY BABY! from those evil evil people.  Also I have been practicing radical acceptance.  Yes dd I want you home every bit as much as you want to be home, but until you do the work you need to do then you're going to be here.  She's stopped blaming me for her being there because thanks to reading everyone's stories about helping their children, Valerie Porr's book and of course my personal favorite You Can't Make Everything All Better.

Yep Griz you sure are right two steps forward and one back, but along with vive, I love the idea of that march.  That's the way that I feel.  I marvel with every step forward and don't worry about the steps backward unless of course it involves a secret suicide plan.

I'm not sure what it is about July.  She says she doesn't know either.  She had no major trauma immediately preceding the first July.  She just felt left out because she always got picked last or not at all when the other kids were playing games.  She's a gumby.  It's a trait she inherited from me.  I couldn't catch a ball if it was going to hit me in the face (Proven fact... . OUCH!)As a matter of fact before both suicide attempts she seemed happy and cooperative.  I remember the first July she begged to go to a slumber party... . please mom!  EVERYONE is going to be there!  OK honey sounds like fun.  Off she went practically skipping with happiness and the next morning still at the slumber party she od'd and was in a coma by the time I found her.


That's a great idea to have it not feel like July.  I've thought of that myself.  We could walk around calling it an extended June.  I thought about doing a Christmas in July but dh lost his job and we have no money for anything extra.

[peaceplease]

 crazedncrazy,

When is your dd's discharge?  Could it be that she is anxious about coming home?  It is very common for them to slip backwards because they fear being responsible for themselves when they are out of any facility. 

It sounds like she has made some great progress.

peaceplease

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi Peace,

Her discharge date is tentatively scheduled for November 28.  This can be changed either longer or shorter depending on her progress.  My hope is to get her home right around the time school starts.

[vivekananda]

July is your summer right? Have an Aussie Xmas!

A picnic where you can going swimming would be perfect. Lots of different salads and cold meats or prawns ... . everything cold. For pressies give out trinkets - nothing over $3 - the idea is fun. Involve everyone in the preparation, blah blah blah. work at creating a fun day for all the family. Balloons, party hats - make them yourselves. Have a budget and let them find ways to do things cheap (eg make your own decorations). Argue about whether you have paper plates etc or real ones which are cheaper... . just don't forget the sunscreen. Make a piñata out of paper mache and fill it with lollies.

The fun is in the planning and preparation and is as important as the event itself.

cheers from a wintery Oz,

Viv   

[pessim-optimist]

I'm not sure what it is about July.  ... . She just felt left out because she always got picked last or not at all when the other kids were playing games... .   I remember the first July she begged to go to a slumber party... . please mom!  EVERYONE is going to be there!  OK honey sounds like fun.  Off she went practically skipping with happiness and the next morning still at the slumber party she od'd and was in a coma by the time I found her.

Hmm... . wonder what happened there. Maybe she felt left out and alone etc, maybe rejected/betrayed by a friend? In the middle of a summer break, when there are less friends to hang out with... . Maybe not a good idea to explore that topic now that July is coming. You may be able to find out at time goes by.

That's a great idea to have it not feel like July.  I've thought of that myself.  We could walk around calling it an extended June.  I thought about doing a Christmas in July but dh lost his job and we have no money for anything extra.

Vivek 's idea sounds splendid. I always wondered what it was like to swim in the ocean and sizzle at the beach at Christmas time! As to Vivek , our idea or "dreaming of a white Chrismas" must sound equally romantic, or perhaps a bit odd?

Whatever you decide to do, I am sure you will come up with something that will make your dd feel welcome. 

[vivekananda]

We have the romantic notion of a white Xmas firmly embedded in our consciousness... . along with happy families, Santa Claus and other fairy tales.

I understand that Canadians and Aussies go very sentimental at Xmas and family get togethers. We Aussies don't need snow at all, just the people we love.

Viv   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders