Magical thinking

[Gimme Peace]

A few months ago, NPD/BPD partner and I got into a heated argument, strategically placed right before I was about to walk out the door with my son for an outing. We exchanged words with him finally saying, "I don't love you anymore, you're lazy and I don't even like you".  It hurt, but I maintained my composure and went out with my son anyway. When we got home, partner was not there and stayed gone all night, spending the night in a hotel. His explanation for his behavior was that he was afraid we would argue more.

A few weeks later we talked about that event. His explanation was that "he was backed into a corner so he told me what I wanted to hear".  I guess he thought I wanted to hear that he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't even like me. He said he didn't really mean that, but said it "for my benefit because that's what I wanted to hear".

It was the most twisted thing I'd ever heard from him.

Last night, he said, "... . that would be great, but since you don't believe in God anymore, I guess it won't help." What?

I said that is not true, I do believe in God and I often pray for guidance and wisdom. He said that I told him 6 months ago

that I don't believe in God anymore. I reminded him that we had a conversation about religion and discussed what happens

when we die. His belief was that we join our loved ones that have passed and go on to a different "life" with them for eternity.

My belief was different, I'm not sure what happens but I don't think it's like how we live now. He took that and turned it into

"that I no longer believed in God". Evidently he has believed this for all of 2013. He was absolutely sure (and very disappointed in me) that I don't believe in God. I was floored.

What is the most radical/opposite belief that your BPD has expressed to you, about you?

How did you respond?

[snappafcw]

Towards the end my girlfriend told me I don't earn enough money and that her work colleagues think im a bum (traditional asian ladies) which really hurt because I'm a professional DJ plus ive started my own business online buying and selling which she would not support me with only her own needs mattered. But then she said "oh you earn ok money but you just spend it on stupid stuff"

Lol stupid stuff hey?

All the flowers, Groceries to her door when she was sick, Money for haircuts. money for bills, All the dates (all of them!), all the gifts and big christmas presents ect... .

see where this is going... .

[WalrusGumboot]

Towards the end of my marriage, my exBPDw told me that I was cheap and don't ever buy her anything. This was a woman sitting in a 4000 sq foot house (built to her specs) on 65 acres, 2 barns, 9 show horses, new Mercedes and Chevy pickup, Ethan Allen furniture, yada yada yada, and hardly worked a day in our 23 year marriage. I remember my jaw just dropping when she said it. I wanted to say something and nothing came out! 

After the fact, I realize the black and white applies to most everything. It becomes "always" or "never". And that is the way we understand it, and it is insulting to us.

I think not saying anything is the best response when they blow our mind. Not worth the circular argument you will get into otherwise.

[connect]

With me I was told I needed to open up more as I was "too closed" I would talk about my life and sometimes people at work who had been rude to me occasionally. He would validate and listen and agree. He has often said since then that I am always in conflict with people, I am difficult to work with and that I am argumentative.

No-one else in my life has ever said this about me - quite the opposite!

[connect]

another thing... . The money stuff has also been an issue with us. He has a lot more than me but I have always paid my way and treated him far more than he ever treated me with gifts etc. He used to host as I was mainly at his house but I would buy presents/food/tickets etc and do most housework while I was there. That was turned around into me being a scrounger.

[Chazz]

Magical thinking? Yes, about some things. They are toddlers in adult bodies after all. 

The lying, manipulation, insults, vindictiveness, cruelty, lack of empathy, etc. is, nonetheless, intentional. They know exactly what they're doing, even if they don't understand the mechanics behind it.

I've worked with "spectrum" clients (Aspergers through Austism). Many achieve behavior modification through rote training. They observe, experience the negative consequences of their behavior, they learn to modify their behaviors in pursuit of better outcomes. BPDs don't learn. They're not open to learning because it requires personal accountability. They just move on to the next victim.       

[flynavy]

Not sure if this qualifies as magical but it is certainly is unbelievable... .

I called off the wedding with my exNPD/BPD fiance last June, but we would rendevous for sex about every 30 days.  The last time I was with her (just this last March) it was at her new place(renting) after she just sold her house... . this was upsetting to her Narcissistic side because she thought it made it her look bad.  Any way, after a night of real good sex as usual, she didn't want me to look at her next morning as she went to bathroom area because she was fat (she really thought she was... . really had a nice body).  I said ... . "you really are a Narcissist aren't you"... . she turned gave me the finger... . and said don't you ever effen call me that you Mother F%$#&%... . 2 sec later she said you know I'm just kiddin right?  We are still gonna take a shower together... . right?  Yes I did and have never looked back since... .

[flynavy]

BTW chazz... . I agree with your post totally.  Now that I am thinking clearly... . I always thought I was dealing with a little girl... . how she would pout,  stick her tongue at me when no one was looking like a school girl would when she didn't get her way... . even with the sex... . once she found a way she liked and the intensity was good for her... . she would try and duplicate the scenario again... . kind of eery now that I think about it... . she told me in an apology once that she did not know or understand why she does the behavior she does that is hurtful... . guess I should feel lucky I got an apology from a pwNPD/BPD.

[Sharkey167]

She used to tell me about how she used to touch herself. I would ask if she thought of me while doing it, she said "a little, but mostly I just think about how hot I am." 

[Lady31]

Chazz - RIGHT ON!

Sharkey - LOLOLOLOLOL.

[cska]

They are toddlers in adult bodies after all.   

Its very sad when you realize that this is indeed the case. Sometimes my girl would tell me insults that were so childish, that I was 100% sure that she would say that she was joking. But no, she was dead serious. Some of the insults were so childish that a mature adult would never say anything like that, even when they were angry. I couldn't even get mad about some of the insults, they were so childlike.