Paranoia regarding breakup

[Depression = 72% of members]

I saw my therapist today and told her I've been really paranoid ever since I broke up w my BPDex 6 weeks ago.  Mainly because of her "smear campaign" against me.  The reality I know she talks bad about me behind my back because we have the same circle of friends.   She's already turned one against me. 

I've noticed lately my paranoia has gotten worse.  She's told me she follows what I post on Facebook even though I've unfriended her.   So now I think she's turning my Facebook friends against me.  My therapist said it's normal when dealing with a pwBPD to become paranoid.  Because after you leave them, you become their enemy and as a result, they'll bash on you to anyone they meet. 

I don't have contact with my BPDex period.  If I see her out I don't even acknowledge her presence.  Again I know she talks bad about me to my friends.  It's just hard to maintain a grip on things.  The relationship isolated me socially and when I ended it I basically had no friends.  (She made sure of that).  Now I'm trying hard to re-establish a support network and feel like she's making it as hard as possible. 

Not sure what to do.  My therapist said as long as maintain no contact the emotional funk I'm in should lift in around 4 to 6 weeks.   And that my depression & paranoia will go down.  I hope so. 

[detachwlove]

I saw my therapist today and told her I've been really paranoid ever since I broke up w my BPDex 6 weeks ago.  Mainly because of her "smear campaign" against me.  The reality I know she talks bad about me behind my back because we have the same circle of friends.   She's already turned one against me. 

I've noticed lately my paranoia has gotten worse.  She's told me she follows what I post on Facebook even though I've unfriended her.   So now I think she's turning my Facebook friends against me.  My therapist said it's normal when dealing with a pwBPD to become paranoid.  Because after you leave them, you become their enemy and as a result, they'll bash on you to anyone they meet. 

I don't have contact with my BPDex period.  If I see her out I don't even acknowledge her presence.  Again I know she talks bad about me to my friends.  It's just hard to maintain a grip on things.  The relationship isolated me socially and when I ended it I basically had no friends.  (She made sure of that).  Now I'm trying hard to re-establish a support network and feel like she's making it as hard as possible. 

Not sure what to do.  My therapist said as long as maintain no contact the emotional funk I'm in should lift in around 4 to 6 weeks.   And that my depression & paranoia will go down.  I hope so. 

[Rubies]

Remember, just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.   

I am almost 3 years out of a 17 year marriage to a high functioning BPD.  He had a lot of influence over people in this small community because of his job.  I was unknown because I was kept at home.   The incredible BS he spread about me, snakes flying off people I didn't even know was truly bizarre.  I questioned my sanity with my therapist.

I kept being me and looked at people like the paper mache' marionettes they are.  Finally BPDxh lost all credibility in this town when his BS got too big, his manipulations went over the top.  People saw the truth. I am not the crazy, evil one.  He's moving to the other side of the state.

[VeryFree]

Paranoia when coming from a BPD-r/s isn't something to be bothered about.

Many of us were in an abuse r/s and after breaking up being painted blacker-than-black.

In my case I was falsely accused of DV, after she used violence on me.

Later it seemed like she was organizing our break-up for months. Possibly with the attack as closing-fireworks. Too bad for her I didn't get that bait, so she had to do it a different way: after I left she bruised herself, telling others I did that.

As soon as I heard that, I became much more scared: if she could do these things, what would be next? I would look out of my windows very often if I heard a strange sound. Looking back over my shoulder when in the street. Don't trusting strange cars in my neighbourhood and so on... .

We all can become paranoid and for good reason.

[Rubies]

Wow, just wow.  I work for the abuse program that helped me when I first "got out."  Since DD turned 18 and went NC with her BPDf, she has her own advocate and trying to get enough documentation for an anti-harassment order on him.  Her advocate says she doesn't have enough to make an order stick.  I am trying to keep our BS separate, DD doesn't know all of what her dad was pulling on me.

Last night was a victims' advocate seminar and round table discussion, Q & A with those in the legal system, including neighborhood sheriff who is familiar with  our stuff right from the beginning.  My question was how to better document, what to document to get a judge to sign an order.   As bad as it was, apparently there is a lot I don't even know about!

Deputy Dawg told me to have DD sign an information release for him with her advocate.  He will fill in the gaps proving the pattern of behaviors showing her need of protection order.  Or I can 2nd guess myself and think he's BPDxh's spy... .

Always trust your gut.

[bpdspell]

Detach w/love,

The smear campaign is sometimes the unfortunate parting shot that BPD's take to absolve themselves from looking like the bad guy. In their child minds; everything is about winning.

So ya. Her intention is to punish.  Because they tend to think that everyone thinks like they do. So they try to beat you to the punch by trashing your name. In her mind she needs to reverse the truth so that she's the proclaimed innocent one and you're the ___ty deadbeat. But it's all kid games so rise above it.

Yes it hurts because it's violating, boundary busting and even more insidious betrayal but it helps to know that these tactics only make them look bad; not you. a

The reality is that once we're done with them they have absolutely no power. Bullies never do. Go no contact and ignore everything else. I don't care if you have to tie your own hands behind your back.

So do yourself a favor. Talk is cheap. And you have no control over the things she'll say so don't stoop down to her level because the truth defends itself. Anyone who turns their back on you because of her words wasn't your friend anyway.

Stand tall in the fact that she's out of your life for good. In time this so called "friendship circle" will soon enough see her for the character flawed person she is.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Detach, Sorry to hear about the smear campaign, with which I am quite familiar.  Agree w/BPDspell, who perfectly summarizes the trash talk that went on behind my back after I separated from my BPDexW.  I refused to play the blame game, plus had no interest in focusing on my Ex after our separation and divorce.   We lived in a small town and my Ex made it a point to tell everyone how "terrible" I was.  I used to say that there was a bounty on my head in our town!  Yet BPDspell is right: people get tired of hearing the broken record and eventually see through it, so at the end of the day it boomeranged on my BPDex and now she looks foolish.  So what?  I have my life back so it's all in the rear-view mirror now.  Also agree with BPDspell that those who gave me the cold shoulder after the break-up were never really my friends in the first place, so it's no loss . . .

Hang in there, LuckyJim