I Should be an Emotional Wreck too

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Ok well my ex gfwBPD moved out almost 2 weeks ago and while she remains an emotional wreck, I'm doing okay in general. I started counseling and im steal dealing with understanding things and coping from my loss. However, I believe I made the right move and I get a little down and confused at times but I'm feeling pretty good. Been going out with a friends and staying bus, feeling excited for this new chapter. My ex will call some and she usually a sobbing mess confessing how badly she loves me and desperately wants this to work. She mixes in a little anger when she becomes irrational saying things like "what about me? How can you do this to me", "Im going to hate you!", "If you love someone you don't hurt them like this!"

I must be honest sometime though I think am I moving on and feeling better too quickly when shes still a wreck? It does make me feel a little guilty! Today she text me a said "I hope I fu**ing die and see how much you love me then" I asked if she meant she'd kill herself, she said no just that she hopes she'd die. I cant keep taking these phone calls from her where she just a wreck and continues to insist I don't care about her cause I left her etc... . It makes me feel guilty and like my feeling good is a shame of me  Maybe I should be feeling more sad?

[jalbright]

Ok well my ex gfwBPD moved out almost 2 weeks ago and while she remains an emotional wreck, I'm doing okay in general. I started counseling and im steal dealing with understanding things and coping from my loss. However, I believe I made the right move and I get a little down and confused at times but I'm feeling pretty good. Been going out with a friends and staying bus, feeling excited for this new chapter. My ex will call some and she usually a sobbing mess confessing how badly she loves me and desperately wants this to work. She mixes in a little anger when she becomes irrational saying things like "what about me? How can you do this to me", "Im going to hate you!", "If you love someone you don't hurt them like this!"

I must be honest sometime though I think am I moving on and feeling better too quickly when shes still a wreck? It does make me feel a little guilty! Today she text me a said "I hope I fu**ing die and see how much you love me then" I asked if she meant she'd kill herself, she said no just that she hopes she'd die. I cant keep taking these phone calls from her where she just a wreck and continues to insist I don't care about her cause I left her etc... . It makes me feel guilty and like my feeling good is a shame of me  Maybe I should be feeling more sad?

[seeking balance]

Well, when you know you made the right choice, there is a huge relief.

Since she still calls and you are keeping busy, you haven't really had a chance to miss her yet. 

Is it possible you were actually grieving the loss while you were still with her since you are the one that ended it?

Keep taking care of you,

SB

[jalbright]

Thanks SB. I'm just having a hard time handling her comments about death. She keeps saying she hopes she dies. Not kill herself but just that she dies

[Suzn]

I'm just having a hard time handling her comments about death. She keeps saying she hopes she dies. Not kill herself but just that she dies

So, this is your hook. And she knows it. When she mentions this, you get concerned, it's possible your voice even changes and this is discernible. Picture fishing in a barrel, if admittedly this is your hook you will likely, eventually bite. Maybe you need some time without these phone calls to process this breakup?

[jalbright]

So, this is your hook. And she knows it. When she mentions this, you get concerned, it's possible your voice even changes and this is discernible. Picture fishing in a barrel, if admittedly this is your hook you will likely, eventually bite. Maybe you need some time without these phone calls to process this breakup?

Its tough though bc even if she's using it as my hook its not like i can just ignore when she says thing like this bc I'll always have a small thought that she could be serious  

[Suzn]

I understand your fear jalbright, I've been in your shoes. My previous thoughts could very well be off base. What you can do in this situation is to calmly offer her a local number for a suicide hotline for when she is feeling this way, this empowers her to reach out to a professional. It's good that you asked her outright if she feels suicidal, this gets the topic out in the open. You can contact a suicide hotline too to get more information on how to handle this if you see this continuing. The point is not attempting to handle this subject by yourself, quietly. It's hard to know whether someone is using these ideations as a way to keep contact so you're right to err on the side of caution when these comments are made to you.

Since you are still involved, if even only by phone calls, you may want to read through the workshop regarding suicide threats here:

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

You may want to exercise Controlled Contact to help lessen her feelings of abandonment, this can help you too. An example of this is to let her know you will be available for a phone call on a specified day of this week and to continue to spread these points of contact out over a period of time where they become less and less.