Feeling Down- Need Advice

[Eureka1]

It has been four months since my Mom died.  I still cannot shake how my uBPD showed no empathy as Mom was suffering.  The nursing home told me that they would have sent Mom to hospital with or without my sister's blessing.  She got a CT to see how massive her stroke was (it was MASSIVE) so Mom was put on palliative care (morphine). 

I also discovered how my sister was poisoning the nursing home administration against me.  The worker bees (nurses and nursing aids) knew who actually cared for Mom.

I have been very down in the dumps.  I know the things my sister wrote are not true.  But it still hurt to read what she said. 

I guess I am struggling with Mom's death and  my sister's crazy behavior is making things tougher.  Does anyone ever get this way?  How does one get out of this funk,

[Kwamina]

Hi Eureka,

Dealing with your mother's death is difficult enough so I understand why your sister's behavior is getting to you. The moments I've struggled most with my uBPD relatives' behavior were the times that I was already stressed about something else. It always seemed my uBPD mom sensed when I was especially vulnerable 'cause that was when she would verbally attack me like never before. What helps me now is that I've stopped seeing my uBPD relatives as real people. There's something seriously wrong with them, things that are there in normal people are just missing in them. Looking at them like this helps me not take the thing they say and do that personally.

[GeekyGirl]

Hi Eureka,

I'm very sorry for your loss. It's quite understandable that you're in a funk, as you're still mourning.

At the same time, it is hurtful when you feel that someone is saying unfair and untrue things about you. I'm sure it was hard to see your sister show your mother no empathy, and now as you go through the grieving process, you're likely feeling like she's not showing you any empathy as well. Kwamina has a good point--you shouldn't take your sister's behavior personally, although I know that's easier said than done.  A lack of empathy is a hallmark of BPD and not something that you caused or could control.

How have things been between you and your sister since your mother's passing? What kind of support do you have for yourself as you grieve?

You will get out of this funk, but it does take some time. Be kind to yourself right now, and know that you're not alone. 

[Eureka1]

Thanks for your input.  My sister put in a claim for life insurance payout 3 days after Mom was buried.  I only dealt with my sister when I had to.  She demanded that I fax her a document I got from the attorney to prove it was different than the POA that she gave me.

I told her that she could see the one the attorney had in his files.  That I had both and that they were indeed different.   Well she sent out that big nastygram.  (Whenever I set boundaries and tell her I am not going to spend my time faxing her things when I can see they are different and she can get them herself, she flies off the handle.)

I cannot share any thoughts or feelings as I grieve because she will use them against me.

I have support from friends.  Have not been able to make it to a NAMI support group due to working overtime and getting a foster dog who was abandoned.

I found where my sister sent letters to the nursing home where she was disparaging me, and when I filed a complaint against the nursing home for falsification of medical records, of course administration showed the inspectors that email to discredit me.  

So I plan on having NO MORE communications with my sister.  Any property left to divide will be done with a third party present.  I have to protect myself.  Whenever anyone mentions my sister, my body has a visceral stiffening.  My sister is toxic to my health.  

My Mom knew I was there at the end and I hold on to that memory, but I cannot keep out the toxic memories due to PTSD that I have experienced and continue to experience.