Over/on a break - should I contact her, regarding baby?

[antlen]

My partner and I have been separated for nearly 6 weeks now.  We've met up and spoke a little during this break, but no where near as much as when we are together.  We are expecting a baby girl in September and my SO is really struggling with the pregnancy.

She told me that the only thing she will contact me about is Baby.  I haven't heard from her in over a week or seen her in nearly two, which isn't normal for her.  I've decided during this break/split that I wont contact her and wait till I hear from her.  However it has concerned me that I haven't heard anything from her, especially as she had a doctors appointment last week and her mum has told me she is really struggling.

All I want to do is help her with the pregnancy, but am not being allowed to.  Is me contacting her regarding pregnancy/baby, giving her what she wants? (me still thinking about her) Am I only wanting to ask her, so that I can talk to her?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[arabella]

All I want to do is help her with the pregnancy, but am not being allowed to.  Is me contacting her regarding pregnancy/baby, giving her what she wants? (me still thinking about her) Am I only wanting to ask her, so that I can talk to her?

How do you propose to help her exactly? Your partner said the only thing she would contact you about is the baby - did she actually make mention of you contacting her? Do you have any sort of agreement as to being updated on doctor's visits?

No one can answer for you as to your motivations, but the fact that you are questioning yourself means that there is something there, under the surface, for you to explore before making a decision.

[Blazing Star]

All I want to do is help her with the pregnancy, but am not being allowed to.  Is me contacting her regarding pregnancy/baby, giving her what she wants? (me still thinking about her) Am I only wanting to ask her, so that I can talk to her?

Hi Antlen



It sounds like you are concerned about your ex and your baby, this is normal. I agree with arabella, that there is something to explore here, and good on you for doing so.

Some questions to help you explore further:

1. If you were allowed to be in touch with her, how would you like to 'help' her?

2. It sounds like you are questioning her motivations - you mention contacting her as giving her what she wants - she wants you to be still thinking about her. Tell us more about this.

3. Would writing a letter for her satisfy the urge, or organising a pregnancy massage for her - anonymously, or getting some things for the baby, or do you really want to connect talk to her?

It's great that you are looking at your own motivations and needs here!

Looking forward to your reply.

Love Blazing Star

[antlen]

Hi Blazing star,

I have figured out that I do want to talk to her in an attempt to keep her in my life and to try to repair things between us.  I know in my heart that is what I want.

I think she likes the knowing that even though we're not together, I still love her and would do anything for her.  She only talks to me about baby, nothing else.  She acts like she hates me. 

I really want to talk to her, I'm mega excited about the baby.  I tried to organise us meeting up to discuss what happens when baby comes along but she wouldn't or couldn't understand what I needed to discuss.

People tell me that she doesn't hate me, that she is just being very selfish.  And the reason she is mad at me is because she still loves me.  Could that be true?