How much do you share with parents?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

When I noticed there was a problem with my husband, I shared it with my mother in law and we've been touching base on how he's been doing. Is that ok? He's become bothered and paranoid about our discussions recently and I'm not sure if I should stop or continue sharing so for now, I've stopped. Plus I'm not sure she's seen enough of the behaviour to be convinced there's a problem and isn't being as supportive now.

[needsupport6]

When I noticed there was a problem with my husband, I shared it with my mother in law and we've been touching base on how he's been doing. Is that ok? He's become bothered and paranoid about our discussions recently and I'm not sure if I should stop or continue sharing so for now, I've stopped. Plus I'm not sure she's seen enough of the behaviour to be convinced there's a problem and isn't being as supportive now.

[GreenMango]

It's important to share this kind of info with diplomacy.

If its not something so outrageously heinous its a safe bet they are going to stay by his side or not want to get too involved.

[needsupport6]

I'm come to the conclusion that she worries too much about how the situation appears to others and isn't supportive of therapy. She's judged the fact that I've shared our problems with my close girlfriends. I guess it's harder for me to lie and fake it when there's something wrong.

[GreenMango]

Well if you think sharing with her will create conflict unnecessarily then its a good idea to minimize what youshare with her. SET - the staying tool works for most relationships BPD or not.  You could use it with her.

Youre free to seek counsel from whomever you feel is appropriate.  Your friends aren't her business.  If she has a problem with her image and her sons marriage she may need to address it with him.  It's good to not get in the middle of that.

It's a process - most of us come here in the middle of a storm.  It takes awhile to sort through what to do next. 

Be kind to yourself.  Sometimes its babysteps - it takes time to get to a place where it'd bad enough that you are seeking help, it going to take some time addressing it.

[waverider]

There are often difficulties when involving in laws.

They have a natural tendency to side with their offspring if it comes down to choosing a side.

They can going into denial of a disorder in their gene line, or of it reflecting on their parenting.

If they have always been aware of it and they should have, if they are not in denial, as BPD is long term they may have given up and be glad it is now not their problem.

Bottom line is there is little they can do, or they would have done it.

Ultimately you can be left still holding the can, feel let down, frustrated and isolated.

They are unlikely to be the cavalry coming to your rescue, so dont get your hopes set too high