Probably because I had the first temporary protection order (PTO) based on evidence my ex had threatened me, my ex didn't make DV allegations for the first few years post-separation. Instead she made child abuse allegations, each one slightly different from the failed ones before, and tried every way possible to block my father-son contact and relationship.
However, family court won't allow for blocked parental contact, not without real basis. This doesn't mean you will get contact with your child real quick. Likely she will respond with her own set of counter-claims and counter allegations. Likely the court will seek input from the local CPS or children services agency for their opinion or conclusions. (I had a CPS investigator stand up at my first family court appearance and declare his agency had "no concerns" about me. It didn't stop the continuing stream of allegations, but at least someone other than my then-stbEx was there to talk honestly about me. Sadly, I hadn't made allegations about her abusing a child, so CPS never spoke up about her.)
So you filing for divorce is a sad but necessary choice. Seek as much parenting as possible, don't be timid to ask for what you feel is best for your child. You're just as much the father as she is the mother, so don't just accept handing over your wallet, leaving your child behind and going away to restart your life elsewhere from scratch. In my case, the Custody Evaluator's report stated that while ex could not share 'her' child, I could. That meant a lot to the evaluator. (In my case I started out with two years of temp orders as EOW father, then shared parenting and then legal custodian. It wasn't quick, it wasn't easy, it may not have even been a typical outcome to reverse custodial status, but I did manage to accomplish it.)
Be glad you filed now. In another couple months she would have lived elsewhere long enough (6 months) to declare separate residency and file there and then you would have been having to deal with a divorce in a place convenient for her and remote for you. Now she will have to appear in your local court.
Expect your ex to continue to make extreme but unsubstantiated allegations. Expect the court to be reluctant to call her out and state that she is "not credible" - courtspeak for 'liar!'. Expect the unexpected because it WILL happen.
but the feelings... . They still exist. I can't lie. I still love her even after everything she has done to me.
You still feel for her? Not surprising. It's hard, it takes time to turn off our feelings - or accept huge changes to our reality. But beware meanwhile that your feelings could sabotage you and your parenting somehow. If you try to restart the relationship, she could turn around and claim you're 'harassing' her - a very serious matter. If she is the one who tried to get back together, beware that too. That friendliness probably won't last when her good/bad cycling switches back, or she might do it just to get you exposed to fresh allegations. Remember, she is thinking only about herself, her feelings and her perceptions. She can change direction in a moment - a moment of rage, a moment of retaliation, a moment of whatever.
Do you have our recommended separation and divorce handbook by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger?
Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderProbably you'll need to post again to the
Family Law, Divorce & Custody board where you can get focused assistance, support and ideas.
