Counselor wants to "Share" w Husband

[martillo]

Started my kids - DS20, DS17, DS13, DD10 - in family/group therapy to help them cope w H / their dad (high conflict, BPD traits, alcoholic).  Since I started attending Al-anon and hear the devastating stories of adult children of alcoholics, I wanted them to have someone to talk to who is not me or their dad - not just for alcohol but for our general family discord/dysfunction (H has been getting worse for the past couple of years).  They have had 3 sessions and I joined them for the last 15 minutes of the last session.  I have not shared w H that they are in counseling - he is not receptive to the idea. 

At the last session, counselor asked us all to write a letter to H/dad sharing how his alcohol use is affecting us and she wants to share them w him.

I told her that I wasn't really sure that is such a good idea as he will just feel (and probably rightly so) attacked.  I have not read the kids letters, but they shared what they wrote and it is truthful, but not so nice.

Question:  With H's abandonment issues and "you are either for me or against me" life attitude (all or nothing)  1.  Is this a good or bad plan?  and 2.  If we share these letters, what is the best way?  Counselor said she will call H and share them with him. 

I am not so sure counselor "gets" what I think the kids need.  (and who knows, I may be all wrong and this is the correct approach)  Also, has anyone had any experience w Alateen or Celebrate Recovery?  The closest alateen group is 30 minutes away and only 2 kids could attend.  Celebrate Recovery is local and has children and adolescent groups. 

My goal is for my kids to know they can love their dad without getting sucked into the craziness and chaos.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[martillo]

Met w counselor this evening and she indicated that we can move forward w sharing w H/dad in our own time and only if we choose to do so.  Discussed a couple of other issues and feel much better about everything.  I tthink this info will also calm some of the kids fears and help them stay open emotionally.