First nite off full dosage of anxiety drug

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Ok, as the chaos has passed, and my life has become more stable, I went half dose of my xanax last nite.

I didnt sleep much.  I did have a dream tho... . in that dream my ex had gotten another girlfriend and told her a bunch of lies about me.

This woman was a nice woman that I could relate with, that was very caring and loving.  She even lived in my parents house.  It was so devastatingly upsetting for me

to see my ex influencing this woman saying that I was horrible things, as well as fooling her with false promises as she seemed nice.  I woke up in a panic.

I asked myself a huge question when I woke up... .   Why was this woman living in my house?  Why did I not simply ask the woman to leave, thereby taking

the drama out of my house and away from me? 

Me in my dream was helpless... . I am not helpless.  So I went back to sleep and dreamed that I was in a corn field with this person and I left her there.

I told her that if my ex was so great, she should wait right there for him to save her.  I know very well how that story plays out. 

[laelle]

Ok, as the chaos has passed, and my life has become more stable, I went half dose of my xanax last nite.

I didnt sleep much.  I did have a dream tho... . in that dream my ex had gotten another girlfriend and told her a bunch of lies about me.

This woman was a nice woman that I could relate with, that was very caring and loving.  She even lived in my parents house.  It was so devastatingly upsetting for me

to see my ex influencing this woman saying that I was horrible things, as well as fooling her with false promises as she seemed nice.  I woke up in a panic.

I asked myself a huge question when I woke up... .   Why was this woman living in my house?  Why did I not simply ask the woman to leave, thereby taking

the drama out of my house and away from me? 

Me in my dream was helpless... . I am not helpless.  So I went back to sleep and dreamed that I was in a corn field with this person and I left her there.

I told her that if my ex was so great, she should wait right there for him to save her.  I know very well how that story plays out. 

[Phoenix.Rising]

You second dream made me smile and laugh.  You keep going, Laelle.  Big steps you are taking!   

It's also great that you are coming off the meds.  I came off some anti-depression meds some time ago now, and it made it big difference for me in a positive way.  Good for you.

[laelle]

Thank you Phoenix 

I think its great that you have been able to stabilize your life, and get off some meds as well.  I will try again this evening to sleep.  Eventually I will become so exhausted that I dont have a choice. 

[bb12]

two schools of thought in dream interpretation: Jung and Freud

Freud is all sex based, so I won't get into that LOL

But Jung believes that everything in the dream is you. The house, the new girl, even the corn field

So what if you are not talking to your exBPD's new girlfriend, but instead you are talking to the new YOU?

What if you are being reformed? Hence your childhood home.

Maybe it is you growing and changing and this isn't even about your ex any more

And what if you are telling yourself to 'wait right there'... . because you feel like you are stuck in waiting mode because of the lack of closure

But can your next dream see the new girl walk out of the corn field all by herself?

BB12

[laelle]

Hey bb12,

Thank you for your interpretation of my dream.  I'm a sucker for the mysteries of the mind.

I agree with you that it could have been old me vs new me... . and that I took the old me and her CoD ways and left her in the corn field.

I dont agree that I am stuck or waiting.  It was a pleasure to walk away from her, because with it released all of the burdens associated with her.

She needed to go in that corn field... .

[Suzn]

Ooo laelle corn fields usually represent wisdom, kernals of wisdom.   

You woke up told yourself a different reality, you went back to sleep and your sub conscious seemed to agree! Very nice.

[Murbay]

Laelle,

I suffered from PTSD after leaving the army and went through CBT for the horrific nightmares I was having about some of the things I saw in combat. Those feelings of being helpless, the horrible visions, being hunted down and so forth. I learned that just as we have control over ourselves and our minds, we also have control over our dreams and can change them to what we want. A dream is basically a visual process of information stored in your mind and just as you have control of your mind through the day, you also have that control through the night too.

You talk about what you saw in your dream and ask some very valid questions. I'm no dream expert so couldn't even begin to interpret it for you. However, there are many different ways you can look at what you experienced.

bb12 mentions the new girlfriend being the new YOU. What if it is the OLD you? You know how the story plays out so you are watching it from a distance. The new you is able to identify your amazing qualities, that you are very caring and loving. Those things you possessed going in to the r/s and those things you still possess now. It might be the recognition you need to see who you truly are. The fact you are watching the replay instead of being involved is your detachment from it, seeing the lies and false promises and recognising those things to put in to the new you.

As for being helpless in your dream, what if you aren't being helpless but actually being strong? You are watching and not getting involved because you know how it plays out. You are watching on because you aren't being caught up in the drama, that was the old you but the new you is able to stand back and recognise all the things that are wrong and not interact with them. That is strength and courage rather than being helpless.

Why do I think it is the other way around to what bb12 said? Because you cannot change the past, those things happen the way they did. What you can do is change your present and future and you do that by recognising the lies and false promises. You do nothing about it because you recognise that those events have to happen for you to be at the stage of acceptance you are now.

Your last dream, you left her in a corn field. What if that is you letting go of your old self because you realise the value of who you are and what you can bring to others through being very caring and loving 

[laelle]

Thank you Murbay,

I am really sorry to hear that you suffered from PTSD.  I am awfully glad you had some counseling and are feeling well now.

The me that was the girlfriend of my ex, was apologizing to me for being with my ex, and that he told her that I would try to convince her that he was a liar.

I got into her email and read all the promises that he made her and how he talked about me.  There are references in their to a friend who started out to be one of the kids who tortured me me in school.  When we grew up, we became friends.  He was friends to the girlfriend and didnt believe me either.  Everyone felt pity for me.

I can not tell you what it meant, I can only express how happy I was to leave her and all the chaos in the corn field.  When I left her, I left him too.

[laelle]

Ooo laelle corn fields usually represent wisdom, kernals of wisdom.   

You woke up told yourself a different reality, you went back to sleep and your sub conscious seemed to agree! Very nice.

Thank you suzn,

What started out an awful dream, ended up leaving me very free, and like I got the last laugh.

[arabella]

ooh! I love dream interpretation! Let me take a shot at it:

The new GF is you, your past self. You see your ex telling her lies about you. All those lies he really did tell you, all that crap that you started to believe about yourself. He brought insecurities from your past to the surface and your old self kept reading that dialogue (e.g. the friend who used to torture you in school, people pitying you). Present day you is watching and is frustrated because now you can see it so clearly and you know it's not right. Of course you can't interfere - this stuff has already happened, it is history that you are observing. When you got to the end of the highlights (lowlights?) reel in your mind, the stuff your mind needed to deal with and purge, you woke up. Then you went back to sleep to finish your story - the one you are writing now. You take your old self and lead her to the cornfield. You want to help her by showing her all of the kernels of wisdom that you have gathered. You are gentle with her but you leave her there. As you walk away from your old self you can still see the vastness of the corn field, but you can't see her anymore. You know she is still there, still a part of your history, but she is no longer part of your current life - all you see is the wisdom.

What do you think?

[laelle]

Very good Arabaella 

Most of what you said is very revealing for me.  I wanted the things my ex said to be true because they negated all the words and torture that were done to me in school.  He validated my

right to see myself as a loving, kind, good, attractive and cool person.  Without him, I was that young girl that felt so lonely and imperfect.  He validated that right and then he took it back again... . over and over with the valuation / devaluation.

The me I dropped off in the corn field, was the me that needed those words and promises... . because I can exist without them.

I set her in the field and asked her to try and let his words save her... . knowing that his words could not.

I walked away... . and left that baggage behind. 

I left her to "smarten" up alone with all the corn.  She will have to fine her way back on her own.

I left that corn field with a tremendous weight off my shoulders.

Thanks Arabella, 

What you said really helped me understand myself a little bit more.

[arabella]