struggling

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi Everyone,

I could use some support, and maybe a nudge in the right direction.

Its been almost 3 months since my Ex and I split.  My decision, because the r/s had gotten very unhealthy and had escalated to being just shy of violent.

Recently a close mutual friend passed away very unexpectedly, so grief has been added to grief.

And I keep running into my Ex at public events, its a small community. 

I miss her.   Again.   Badly.   I am tired of dealing with all the emotions surround the events of this year. 

There is part of me that just wants to have a normal conversation with her, about the Supreme Court ruling from yesterday,  about the tragic loss of our friend at too young an age.  About the freaking weather.

In my head I know the chances of a normal not loaded conversation are about 50/50,  I could get the disordered individual or I could get the bright creative sensitive individual I first fell in love with.   

And yet I am fighting the urge to contact her.   I am feeling the love I had for her back before we reached the point of no return.   I feel mired again in that no win situation of loving some one who isn't really there. 

Suggestions?  Thoughts?   Any Hope?

babyducks

[babyducks]

Hi Everyone,

I could use some support, and maybe a nudge in the right direction.

Its been almost 3 months since my Ex and I split.  My decision, because the r/s had gotten very unhealthy and had escalated to being just shy of violent.

Recently a close mutual friend passed away very unexpectedly, so grief has been added to grief.

And I keep running into my Ex at public events, its a small community. 

I miss her.   Again.   Badly.   I am tired of dealing with all the emotions surround the events of this year. 

There is part of me that just wants to have a normal conversation with her, about the Supreme Court ruling from yesterday,  about the tragic loss of our friend at too young an age.  About the freaking weather.

In my head I know the chances of a normal not loaded conversation are about 50/50,  I could get the disordered individual or I could get the bright creative sensitive individual I first fell in love with.   

And yet I am fighting the urge to contact her.   I am feeling the love I had for her back before we reached the point of no return.   I feel mired again in that no win situation of loving some one who isn't really there. 

Suggestions?  Thoughts?   Any Hope?

babyducks

[Validation78]

Hi Baby!

 Hang in there and stick to your convictions no matter how hard. Some day you will look back at this and feel good about the inner strength you mustered during difficult times like this!

When you are feeling like you want to reach out to her, reach out to a friend or family member. I'm sure you have someone close that can support you while you grieve both the loss of the relationship and your friend, for which I am very sorry. If you don't have someone you feel close enough to, consider looking into a grief support group.

As far as "normal" discussions like the Supreme Court ruling, seek out others in your community who also want to discuss it! Something tells me that you won't have to look far since it is a hot topic right now.

It's OK to miss her, that is normal and understandable, especially since you still see her. Speaking from experience, although mine is not much longer than yours, the feeling of missing someone gets easier over time. I focus on what I've gained instead. Safety, peace, ability to go home, no stress, no surprises! I could go on, and I'm sure you could add to the list as well. Keep yourself moving onward and upward. Do the things that bring you joy, and take care of your needs, and I assure you, you will feel better soon enough!

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Pretty Woman]

I have to say, I was feeling the same way the other day (Supreme Court Ruling) and struggling.

If you need to discuss, msg me. Do not approach the ex.

I can't imagine what it would be like to live in a small town and run into my ex all the time. I live in the suburbs and my ex after dumping me and hooking up with her ex is showing up where I go intentionally. I have to re-route my life.

It sucks but I am trying to look at the positives. A new gym, opportunity to meet new people. The thing is this. I have been sitting at home after work crying or sleeping. She is out living her life as usual.

Who has the control?

It's not easy but keeping busy will keep your mind off her. Of course when we keep busy our BPD ex's pop up for our attention.

It will get better. I know it will. For both you and me and everyone on here.

The day after our breakup I went to a Meetup. I didn't want to but I planned it and had to.  At the meetup I met a girl. We clicked instantly and stayed out talking until late. It was great. She is going through a break up with a non-BPD and it is amazing how different our situations are. Anyways we are becoming friends and she is keeping me busy. I kinda find it a blessing I made a new friend as I lost someone. You just have to keep on keeping on because even though she was your world the world is big and there are a lot of others out there that do want you in theirs.