Waking up

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all,

I am waking up (11 months after BP wife left).It has been and continues to be a learning experience for my DD15 and myself.We are getting stronger everyday and the STBXWW's "tricks" don't work as well on us as the once did.

This week my STBXWW sent a text to my DD15 asking "how are you"? This is sick considering what she has done and attempted to do to our daughter.I knew right then I would get some type of contact soon (it's been 2 months since we spoke and that was her coming here to steal a boat).

Sure enough STBXWW calls my phone and I do not answer.She leaves a message saying she wants to negotiate child support (yup,she is being hit with it now) she never thought I would file for child support.I have always paid everything and she never had a job in 18 yrs except for a part time one about 4 months before she left.I listened to the voice mail and knew she is just playing me to get a call back to her.I called my brother and told him to be on the lookout for a call soon.

Sure enough STBXWW called my brother and told him she really needs to speak with me and that she needs to know if I am filing the divorce in a month,or if she should file it.She has told me ten times that she is at the attorney's office in the past year.She knows I am filing (can't file here until after one year anyway) the divorce as soon as it will be legal.

STBXWW also knows there will be no "negotiated" child support amount from me,that will be established by the court.I would rather get $50.00 per month and have the truth (many bank accounts and alias' come out than receive $1000.00 and her smear campaign continue.

It feels like she is trying to hold on to a fantasy of keeping me on the line.This will not happen this time.I am no longer the person she once knew and controlled in the past.I am finding my true self and it is painful to look back at the man I allowed myself to become in this toxic relationship.

I no longer care about any possessions she has of ours (she also refused to return DD15's personal items and possessions) as they are also a means (in her mind) of holding on.

It seems harsh and uncaring but I simply pity the woman she is now.

The one most insightful read that has helped me so far (out of days of reading anything I could find on BPD) was "the three C's".

I didn't CAUSE it.

I can't CURE  it.

I can't CHANGE it.

Thanks to all here for what you do.

REVITUP

[RevItUp]

Hi all,

I am waking up (11 months after BP wife left).It has been and continues to be a learning experience for my DD15 and myself.We are getting stronger everyday and the STBXWW's "tricks" don't work as well on us as the once did.

This week my STBXWW sent a text to my DD15 asking "how are you"? This is sick considering what she has done and attempted to do to our daughter.I knew right then I would get some type of contact soon (it's been 2 months since we spoke and that was her coming here to steal a boat).

Sure enough STBXWW calls my phone and I do not answer.She leaves a message saying she wants to negotiate child support (yup,she is being hit with it now) she never thought I would file for child support.I have always paid everything and she never had a job in 18 yrs except for a part time one about 4 months before she left.I listened to the voice mail and knew she is just playing me to get a call back to her.I called my brother and told him to be on the lookout for a call soon.

Sure enough STBXWW called my brother and told him she really needs to speak with me and that she needs to know if I am filing the divorce in a month,or if she should file it.She has told me ten times that she is at the attorney's office in the past year.She knows I am filing (can't file here until after one year anyway) the divorce as soon as it will be legal.

STBXWW also knows there will be no "negotiated" child support amount from me,that will be established by the court.I would rather get $50.00 per month and have the truth (many bank accounts and alias' come out than receive $1000.00 and her smear campaign continue.

It feels like she is trying to hold on to a fantasy of keeping me on the line.This will not happen this time.I am no longer the person she once knew and controlled in the past.I am finding my true self and it is painful to look back at the man I allowed myself to become in this toxic relationship.

I no longer care about any possessions she has of ours (she also refused to return DD15's personal items and possessions) as they are also a means (in her mind) of holding on.

It seems harsh and uncaring but I simply pity the woman she is now.

The one most insightful read that has helped me so far (out of days of reading anything I could find on BPD) was "the three C's".

I didn't CAUSE it.

I can't CURE  it.

I can't CHANGE it.

Thanks to all here for what you do.

REVITUP