do they come back after they have dysregulated and left?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

ıve been on the staying group but maybe you guys here will be better at advsing me.

my nondg BPD boyf dysregulated 11 days ago.  I reacted badly as Im going  though a lot atm (Deaths and cancer scares) the next day he packed and left.  We were N/C for 6 days then L/C about bills. 

Today a friend has contacted him after finding out that we have split.  He has confronted me immediately as to why Im talking about him.  We are over for good. Im stupid if I think otherwise and then he deleted me from facebook to prove it.

Has anyone experienced this... . What can I do? He is in another town now back with his parents.  Do I just have to accept that as much as I dont want it, we are through? :'(

[blackorchid]

ıve been on the staying group but maybe you guys here will be better at advsing me.

my nondg BPD boyf dysregulated 11 days ago.  I reacted badly as Im going  though a lot atm (Deaths and cancer scares) the next day he packed and left.  We were N/C for 6 days then L/C about bills. 

Today a friend has contacted him after finding out that we have split.  He has confronted me immediately as to why Im talking about him.  We are over for good. Im stupid if I think otherwise and then he deleted me from facebook to prove it.

Has anyone experienced this... . What can I do? He is in another town now back with his parents.  Do I just have to accept that as much as I dont want it, we are through? :'(

[danley]

It sounds like he is set on you guys being over. I would focus on YOU right now as it seems you yourself are going thru some things. It will be beneficial for your own sake to deal with your stresses without the complications of your bf right now. I'd say give it some time and see where things stand. I understand the feeling of wanting your bf around when things like death and cancer scares are there. I understand it completely. It's exactly what I was dealing with and my ex up and walked. He seemed not to be able to balance his own stresses along with mine even tho I never asked him for support. Everyone's tolerance level for stress is different but I learned that you can only depend on yourself to get thru it all. Take care of you right now.

[simplyasiam]

it so hard to say what someone with BPD will from one day to next.

ive been in the black so many times its crazy and left even more than that.

yes they do come back when/if they need you again

from what ive seen the more you push or beg the better they like it and longer they stay gone.

[Hazelrah]

Hi blackorchid,

So sorry to hear about all your difficulties.  I can definitely commiserate--my mom passed away this last Thanksgiving following an ugly bout with cancer.  Both my BPD wife and myself experienced some pretty severe depression as a result, and it was a definite contributor to marital issues we had over the course of the following months (not to mention the wife's BPD).  We worked hard to get through it at that point, though the loss has stayed with us since then. Unfortunately, I eventually was split black again, and she is now looking to divorce.  The death of a loved one and a relationship is a lot to deal with in a relatively short period of time. 

As many people will say on this board, it really is a good time to address your needs while you are afforted the opportunity.  It isn't easy to do, but it has to be done.  Take care of yourself as best you can.

[Cumulus]

Hi blackorchid, it sounds like you would like to keep the relationship going, did I understand that correctly? Is your bf interested in getting counselling? Does he feel any need for it or does he think things are ok with him and that the problem is with you?

It sounds like you are at a fork in the road right now, one fork would be that he has moved on and away from your relationship. If that is so you have no choice but to grieve and try and heal from the emotional loss of someone you love.

It is the other fork that will be more difficult IMO. That is if he returns and begs you for forgiveness and wants to resume the relationship where it left off. If that is the case what would you want to do knowing that without counselling this episode is most likely to play over and over again. Would you be emotionally capable of dealing with that? 

Take care of yourself.

[blackorchid]

Cumulus after he last dysregulated this time last year he said he would get therapy... . but then things went well and therapy went out of the window.  I know that if he does come back this time thats something Im going to have to insist on.

Hazelrah Im really sorry about your mum. I know how hard that is to deal with my dad passed away 2 years ago and its harder when you have relationship problems.  I hope that you are coping with everything ok

Simplyasian I think you hit the nail right on the head with the more you beg the more they like it.  it literally drives me insane. 

I dont know why hes now taking a friends actions out on me.  Do you think that possibly it could be that deep down he knows he is wrong and he is at some level embarassed that people know how he is behaving.  If so he would see it that I have let him down... .

I know danley that youre right that you can only depend upon yourself but at times that feels so hard