After the Parenting Plan Evaluation: How much do the courts listen to the PEs

[hell0kitty]

We had the evaluation last week.  The PE was super impressed with the amount of evidence we brought to the table. She stated that the difference between ours and BPDex was that we had everything there and sorted on time and we had examples, emails, texts etc to back up every statement. 

BPDex got her stuff in SUPER late and she made a lot of statements and accusations without providing any examples or evidence to support any of it.

The PE asked "How would you feel about having 100% of decision making for activities/medical etc?"

She seems to think that due to the fact that mom has spent 100% of her energy trying to prevent child from doing activities but not actually ever having her do any on her time and that she will not allow us to take child to therapist and will only try to force DV therapy to feed her agenda, that the courts will find him the more suitable parent to make decisions.  She basically is a road block and not helpful.

It sounds amazing in theory, but is this possible?  Can one parent be the primary parent and the other have sole decision making for child?

How many of you have had the parenting eval, and how much of the recommendations are actually listened to by judges?  Dare we dream?  Not to have a fight every time we have a class or need to stop by a doctor, wow... . I can't even imagine!

[ForeverDad]

Some courts are very reluctant to grant sole legal custody to a parent, they consider it would be very invalidating to the other parent in this "You're okay, I'm okay" world.  However, joint custody won't work in some divorces where one parent is very likely to obstruct reasonable decisions and force repeated filings in family court.  So one option is to order joint custody (sounds nice to both parents) but give decision making or tie breaker status to the more sensible or cooperative parent.

Typically the officials won't suggest that from the beginning, they have high hopes of cooperation once the parents walk out of court with a divorce decree.  But if they're already suggesting it without you requesting it, jump for joy and agree that it would best in order to avoid expected impasses in the years to come.  This is a time where your otherwise great sense of 'fairness' should be resisted, it could sabotage your parenting and incur additional legal expenses in the years to come.

The PE asked "How would you feel about having 100% of decision making for activities/medical etc?" ... .   It sounds amazing in theory, but is this possible?  Can one parent be the primary parent and the other have sole decision making for child?

It would be very unusual for the minority time parent to have decision making, but I think the PE is smart to propose that as a solution.  I wonder, why didn't the PE connect the dots together and recommend that Dad get majority time?  Was that in the motion?  I wonder... . why wouldn't majority time shift to Dad if he should have decision making?  (I hate how the courts seem to view a parent as though two people in one, one who can have poor adult behaviors - working with the other parent - yet be seen as okay with parenting.)

However, strange things do happen.  I have been Residential Parent for School Purposes since the final decree in 2008.  I was awarded custody in 2011 but the GAL didn't want to change the equal parenting time.  A year later I filed for majority time, still pending.  Ex's response?  She asked to become the Residential Parent, possibly so she wouldn't have to drive 80-100 miles a day on her parenting days.  Or perhaps her lawyer's strategy is to oppose my request with an opposite request hoping the court will 'split the difference' and leave parenting time equal.  In any case it has caused our Modification of Parenting Time motion to hang pending in court for over a year.

[Matt]

I've never heard of one parent having majority parenting time, and the other having 100% decision-making.  I wonder if the PE was thinking clearly or if she is maybe not very experienced.

I would suggest focusing on parenting time, and making the best possible case for why it would be best for you to have majority parenting time.

[ForeverDad]

However, this is not to say you can't seek both maximum custodial responsibility and maximum parenting time at the same time.  Maybe the court will see they go hand-in-hand, maybe not.  Maybe the court will see a need for major change, maybe not.  The point is to get as much as you can when you are with the professionals and before the court.

Courts, and that includes even family court to a certain extent, involve an adversarial format, petitioner versus defendant, so you do have to speak up for yourself, no one else will.  Yes, the courts would prefer a settlement where a deal is made, but sometimes a judge has to make a decision and in those scenarios you want your best foot forward, so to speak.  If you don't ask for more the court will conclude you don't want more or don't care to have more.  That's why I've often written, Ask for as much as you can then add, "But if the court decides not to go that far, then I can accept and work with the court's decision."  You send a dual message that you do want to do as much as you can in your children's interests yet can work with less if necessary.

My guess is that your PE sees it might be too big a hurdle right now to give you majority time (especially if that wasn't originally requested when filed) and may only be looking at a small slice - what will keep you two from coming right back to court again next year and the year after that ad nauseum.

[hell0kitty]

I think it is because when we went to court the judge only ordered a Minor Mod of the parenting plan, meaning we can only tech ask for 2 more days per month, we told them we would love 50/50, but the rules for a minor mod are pretty strict.  Can't change majority time, but can change pretty much anything else in the PP.

But, due to BPDMom's history and the STACK of evidence, it shows that mom has never once just agreed to any of the child's extracurricular activities.  She often suggests things and then when dad signs her up, she stands in the way of letting them happen and we end up in court.  In fact, we realized that in 3 years, mom has made a lot of suggestions but child has ONLY ever actually done things that we have signed her up for and paid for ourselves outside of school activities that the whole class is already doing.

The PE said that the timeline is very telling, that they were able to get along fine and not be in a romantic relationship and work side by side for 4 years and the minute he started dating me, suddenly mom says he is abusive, files DV, and he is a terrible drunken partying bad dad etc etc.  PE also says that mom has a lot of animosity and that makes it seemingly impossible for her to make decisions.  Mom has even stood in the way of simple things like Doctors appts when child had a lingering cough for months.  Mom kept emailing saying she would take her, but never did, dad finally made an appt and took her. Mom exploded and made a HUGE ordeal calling the docs office, yelling at doc and eveyone else sending a bunch of emails stating Dad was trying to change provider etc etc. 

PE seems to think that Mom is incapable of making decisions in the best interest of child when it comes to these things.

[ForeverDad]

Hmm.  Get that report done.  Can you get the PE to include something like, "Changing custody is another option but not within the scope of this evaluation as ordered."  Some sort of hint or subtle wording to the judge that a change of custody too is not out of the question.

Messing with extracurricular activities may not be such a huge deal, but delaying doctor visits is significant, let's hope that is specifically mentioned in the report.

Judge needs to be concerned that if some aspects of her parenting are lacking and even neglectful, then her very custody ought to be reviewed, though judge may not go that far unless dad speaks up mentioning he's willing to get custody.

Be aware that if you get a good report and then do nothing and sit on it for a couple years, the court may view it as 'stale' and ignore it.  I had a sealed custody evaluation in January 2008.  Less than two years later when I sought to end Shared Parenting and get custody the court (the very same magistrate) stated it was old and would not be referenced.

[Matt]

I wonder... . just because the plan right now is a "minor modification", maybe that doesn't mean that a bigger modification is entirely off the table.

Maybe you can file a motion asking for primary residential custody, and primary decision-making, and politely recognize what the judge has said so far - "minor modification" - but then go ahead and make your case for what you believe is best, and why.

[hell0kitty]

We have a court date in October, the PE said she is going to do her best to get her evaluation in prior to the hearing so that it will be used.