Hey there everyone; I'm posting on here because I just ended a relationship with a person who I suspect may have BPD. I never really considered it prior to the break up, but after I gave more thought to the volatile and completely out of the blue way things ended, and did some reading up on BPD, I really think that my ex may be suffering from it... . maybe someone on here could just confirm that this individual has a personality disorder, because I think at times that maybe I'm the crazy one,
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Long story short, I met this person over a year ago. We started out as friends on a social networking website, and I had actually met them in person prior to that through a mutual friend. Initially, we would chat online about things... . our day, our jobs, personal things we were dealing with... . and I didn't really give much thought to having any feelings for this person at the time. Over about a month, we really started to open up to each other... . I was going through the end of a divorce, and it turns out she was going through a break up with her bf of several years. So we stared meeting on weekends for lunch and what not to chat and to kind of be there to support one another.
We traded phone numbers and started to txt pretty regularly and from there things really took off. She shared with me that she had a trouble past... . she came from an abusive home as a kid, dealt with rape, had a mother was suffered from bi polar disorder and her father had committed suicide when she was younger. In a lot of ways, I felt like I could relate to her because I grew up with an alcoholic, abusive father. My parents divorced when I was 13 and I haven't seen him since. I went to counseling for years as teenager to learn to cope with things, and so I really felt like she and I understood each other, as far as abuse goes and the fallout that occurs because of it. After we shared that, things moved pretty quickly... . she started to tell me how she thought I was "amazing", how she would "daydream" about me, how she thought of me as her boyfriend, and wanted me to be once she moved out into her own place (she was still living with her "ex" bf at that time, but had gotten an apartment and was slated to move out). We started to date. I met her step father and would regularly go to bonfires on weekends with her that he held at his place. We txtd everyday, and say each other a few times a week... . dinners... . movies... . things like that.
This all happened over the course of about 2 months. We went to the movies one night on a date; had a great time, and she said she couldn't wait to see me again that week. The next day, she was very distant. Sent me a txt saying she felt confused and that something was bothering her. I was really shocked by all that since we had been having a great 2 months together, and was even more shocked when she said she thought she needed some space. She hadn't quite moved into her apt. yet, so I thought maybe she was dealing with a lot in trying to end things with her "ex", move out, etc. We still txtd though, albeit much less than before, and we went from seeing each other a few times a week to maybe 4 times a month... .
She eventually did move out and into her apt. her credit is shot, so she kept saying she needed to try to get some furniture... . i ended up letting her use my line of credit at a store and she furnished her place with it... . she would ask me what types of pieces I liked and kept hinting at the fact that I'd be over there a lot... . she even did go with a color scheme for her furniture that I liked, although in retrospect, I hardly went over there at the time... . by now, we had been talking for about 4 months... . 2 were intense and great... . the other 2 we were kind of sporadic and hit or miss with each other (despite the fact that she ordered furniture I liked). Another month passed and I met her best friend... . turns out, her best friend is a guy, who she has known for 10 years. She claims they have never dated or anything like that, but he apparently is a pretty constant presence in her life... . so at this point, she had her male best friend, her "ex" boyfriend that she was still talking to and seeing so she could get "closure", and myself in her life (we were supposed to be dating and seeing what would come of it)... .
Things drug on for another month, and I eventually stopped talking to her... . she would send me a txt here and there asking how I was, and I would respond vaguely or not at all, but things seemed to have ended... . 2 months went by and she contacted me out of the blue one night. She said she missed me and really wanted to see me. I ended up meeting up with her at one of her stepdad's bonfires and we hung out. When we were leaving, she told me how happy she was I went and she ended up kissing me... . from there, we started to talk again... . txt regularly, we started to date again, and things got more and more serious. I started to spend nights at her apartment, we developed a sexual relationship, etc. Dating lasted about 3 months with her and then I became her official bf. She introduced me to her family, told her parents I was the "one", discussed how we were going to move in together down the road, save up money and in two years get married... . I met her friends and went out on double dates with her with them... . she met my family... . the funny thing is though, in all of this, is that she was still in the process of "completely" breaking it off with her ex. I found out they would still txt... . she would "have to" meet him at times to wrap certain things up... . but there was no clear indication really that she and he were ever going to totally end things. and she still had her male best friend in her life that she fully expected me to be okay with her hanging out with a few times a week. Looking back, I realize now that as long as I supported her in still seeing her "ex" to try and get "closure" and being okay with her wanting to hang out and included her male best friend in things, everything was great. In fact, as long as I completely put her needs above my own, everything was great... . this included my moods too... . one time I was depressed over some news I had gotten about something personal I was dealing with... . she actually got angry that I was feeling a bit down about it and told me that she "feeds" off my energy so when I'm down, she gets down and I shouldn't do that to us... .
We were officially a couple for a little more than a month, and she told me one night that she had to go meet her ex over dinner to have their final discussion... . this was their like 5th "final" discussion by then... . I protested and told her I didn't understand why they had to keep talking, why she couldn't just stop talking to him since she said she was over him, and that I thought she had an odd understanding of love and relationships.
She took that comment hard... . very hard... . (she has made it very clear before that she does not like to be judged or criticized by others)... . the rest of the week, things were different between us... . she seemed increasingly distant. Sunday of that week, we were driving back from a family function of hers, and she exploded in the car, out of nowhere really. She said she felt like she was losing her independence (which is odd because she was the one who had intensely pursued me), she said she felt that I didn't understand her (even though I complied with her still txting her ex and seeing him while they got the "closure" they needed), and that she needed space and felt I didn't respect her.
I tried to have a conversation with her and discuss things, but she was like a completely different person. And she had zero empathy during the entire conversation (which hurt so much, because I had been constantly putting her needs before mine own, down to supporting her financially). She broke it off with us. Suddenly, I went from being the man she was going to marry, to nothing at all. I ended up going home that night, and she txtd me to ask how I was doing. When I explained to her how hurt and confused I was, she said that I did this to "us", it was my fault entirely, and that I didn't believe her when she said she needed space and I should have listened to her.
We have now been broken up for over 2 weeks. The funny thing is, she still txts me... . she says she doesn't want to get back together... . that once she is intimate with someone and has a falling out, it's as though an internal switch is hit to "off" and she can't change how she feels. At the same time though, she keeps txting me and will do things like suggest she and I get together for dinner to talk and then IMMEDIATELY cancels the plans saying things like "nevermind, it's too far"... . (this morning she even called to invite me to dinner and then instantly changed her mind, said her dog made her mad and ruined her mood and that she didn't want to go anymore... . this was almost in the same breath)... . but she is still maintaining contact with me... . with her ex boyfriend... . with her male best friend... . so, I guess I need to know... . is she a bit off? does any of this hint at borderline personality disorder? I just need to make sure I'm not crazy... .
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