Why is she hurting me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi all, Im so confused I met this girl over 5 years  ago,  we have txted all the time we caught up sometimes at he work she would get excited and hug me, im 46 she's 32, we started catching up in October last year only as friends we would see each other 3days a week then we could feel ourselves falling for each other she was scared about the age difference,  she told me she's had feelings for me since the day we met but didn't understand her feelings, she was now ready to give it a go, everything was going great, i spent xmas day with her family they like me and wanted us to be together as her and her family said i was the best guy she has been with.

2 days later we went out to the place where we met,  we found the spot we we 1st talked it was also the 1st time she told me she was calling in love with me, I felt amazing as I had a feeling 5years ago we would get together, she also said that when we made love it was different as it had meaning and feeling and she wasn't used to it she had tears in her eyes it felt special, 2 days later she broke up with me it only lasted 5days, I was confused anyway she text me and we caught up, she wanted to try again but we have  to go slow, so 4-5 days a week were seeing each other she texts me 15 times a day she tells me how much she likes me and misses me, I love this girl and I feel amazing, everything is going great, I do what her other bf`s don't, like talking with her buy her things and make her feel special, even though  she says she doesn't deserve it, she comes over on valentines night and it was awesome, 2 days later she goes and catches up with old friends from her teens, so I stay at hers when she gets home she seems a bit different she was a bit sad as her mum told her not to stuff things up with me then she started crying " I Don't want to ___ things up with you she said it twice so I gave her big hug and assured her she wouldn't, next morning she tried to pleasure me but i got a headache just before finishing and had to stop she stormed off seemed upset, a bit later she asked if one of her friends tried it on me would I do her,, off cause not as i love you, she said if she catches me cheating she will chop my d*ck off, then she rings the doctors to get on the pill for me, ok cool she really likes me, anyway i give her a cuddle  and go home.

later that night she texts she she's tired, get weird texts all week, when i say im getting weird vibes all she said she's changing her course, she starts drifting away now she ignores me hates me, I am not allowed to contact her next time she'll call the police and get a ro, she has devalued me and painted me so black, it hurts so much as we never fought or argued, all I done was treat her better than anyone else ever has, I don't know why she is treating me so bad, our 5 year friendship over why... .   sorry about the length, ... . I was 42 nc, but txted her hi last week in which i got a response straight away "leave me the ___ alone i'll be going to the police"  why the hatred... .

[bretto]

Hi all, Im so confused I met this girl over 5 years  ago,  we have txted all the time we caught up sometimes at he work she would get excited and hug me, im 46 she's 32, we started catching up in October last year only as friends we would see each other 3days a week then we could feel ourselves falling for each other she was scared about the age difference,  she told me she's had feelings for me since the day we met but didn't understand her feelings, she was now ready to give it a go, everything was going great, i spent xmas day with her family they like me and wanted us to be together as her and her family said i was the best guy she has been with.

2 days later we went out to the place where we met,  we found the spot we we 1st talked it was also the 1st time she told me she was calling in love with me, I felt amazing as I had a feeling 5years ago we would get together, she also said that when we made love it was different as it had meaning and feeling and she wasn't used to it she had tears in her eyes it felt special, 2 days later she broke up with me it only lasted 5days, I was confused anyway she text me and we caught up, she wanted to try again but we have  to go slow, so 4-5 days a week were seeing each other she texts me 15 times a day she tells me how much she likes me and misses me, I love this girl and I feel amazing, everything is going great, I do what her other bf`s don't, like talking with her buy her things and make her feel special, even though  she says she doesn't deserve it, she comes over on valentines night and it was awesome, 2 days later she goes and catches up with old friends from her teens, so I stay at hers when she gets home she seems a bit different she was a bit sad as her mum told her not to stuff things up with me then she started crying " I Don't want to ___ things up with you she said it twice so I gave her big hug and assured her she wouldn't, next morning she tried to pleasure me but i got a headache just before finishing and had to stop she stormed off seemed upset, a bit later she asked if one of her friends tried it on me would I do her,, off cause not as i love you, she said if she catches me cheating she will chop my d*ck off, then she rings the doctors to get on the pill for me, ok cool she really likes me, anyway i give her a cuddle  and go home.

later that night she texts she she's tired, get weird texts all week, when i say im getting weird vibes all she said she's changing her course, she starts drifting away now she ignores me hates me, I am not allowed to contact her next time she'll call the police and get a ro, she has devalued me and painted me so black, it hurts so much as we never fought or argued, all I done was treat her better than anyone else ever has, I don't know why she is treating me so bad, our 5 year friendship over why... .   sorry about the length, ... . I was 42 nc, but txted her hi last week in which i got a response straight away "leave me the ___ alone i'll be going to the police"  why the hatred... .

[really]

I wake up asking myself the same question every day.

As much as I have learnt from this site I still struggle with that one.

My advice.   Walk away.  Don't l

[me757]

Maybe its a fear of commitment to someone who she could actually commit to. Maybe thats why she probably has picked bad partners before and why you were considered the best - deep down she knows it can't work out with them and thus no commitment needed. Just my two cents.

[draft]

Why do you let yourself be treated as you describe?

[MarkMo]

This is the hardest one for me too. My wife wanted a divorce after she was cornered by her new bf. She put on this show for him so that he would see she was devoted to him. In the process, she trampled right over me for no really good reason. To the point that when we were talking I spoke a truth that I did not think was a big deal, only to have her explode.

She has since started hating me, served me with a RO, and done other things along the way to just put me down. All to stop the lies she told her bf to come out.

I sit here tonight after having to deal with another one of her attacks and wonder why she hates me so much. After she did what she did, all I could do was cry because I was so sad that she had such low regard for me now that she would even try to hurt me the way she is.

Just as really said, even with all the help on this site, her hatred of me is the hardest thing to handle right now. I am thinking of eventually moving, of course after a court battle, just so I can get away from her destructive and hateful behavior. 

[bretto]

Thanks guys, I know its best to walk away and forget her and that's all i can do as at the moment she hates me, I have to move on and focus more on myself, my eldest daughter also has BPD and looks like my 15 year old may have it too. I am curious and wonder why I am attracted to BPD's as my kids mother has it looks like 2 of my kids have it and my Last gf has it, even tough they all have BPD, they are so different, my eldest and her mother cling to old bf's while my exgf fears the closeness pushes away and cuts people out of her life she is a high functioning BPD, while my eldest and her mum are low functioning.

I feel so much better after reading so much on this illness, I know understand why my kids mother acted the way she did, I was with her for near 20 years and it was full of chaos, I broke up with her 7years ago and had 2 relationships one lasting 9weeks and one lasting 4months my Last one has BPD and looking back now in my opinion the other one does or has something similar, it is very confusing as i have so much love to give but surround myself with females who cannot accept my love,

I do now my Last gf will contact me again one day as I treated her so well and deep down I know she loves me, I also know its the illness making her do the things she is doing, so in time when she does re-connect I will have to make a decision to either take her back as a gf, friend or forget her completely, the thing is when I met her over 5 years ago I knew I met her for a reason and I know its not finished with her what ever that capacity is,

I find it helpful in writing this stuff down and reading other peoples issues with their BPD in their life, I think most of us are caring and generous people who are hurting from our past and our chaotic and confusing ex partners... . good luck to all as we all need it

[Phoenix.Rising]

It was my experience that my ex could not sustain her feelings of love and attachment, and her pushes would usually occur after closeness and intimacy. 

They struggle with regulating their emotions, and they often react on the emotional level of a child.  They are angry and hate you, and soon after they want to be in your arms. 

However, after my ex started devaluing me, the pushes seemed to get worse.  Once she started formulating in her mind that everything was my fault, I didn't stand a chance.  They seem to have a very hard time accepting any kind of blame, and they have a tendency to project their negative feelings onto those closest to them.  It is a horrible cycle, and very difficult to handle unless you have iron clad boundaries, which I did not.

[Jep]

    Hi all. I know the feeling also. My 9 year r/s has just come to an absolutely brutal end. After all that Time and commitment she dropped me like a sack.  She had a new guy lined up, which makes it so much worse. After all this time I felt there should be a little mutual respect, a little courtesy. The reality is that there is none, and that hurts.

    I keep telling myself I'm better off.  The kids are better off.  My friends and family are better off, (they sure think so!). But the pain is still there.  I need to just let go and give myself time to heal. Take care of the kids and keep contact as low as possible. Hard to do because she is out there having the time of her life while I'm in pain and picking up the pieces.

    Reality is hard to face when it is so irrational that we just can't wrap our head around it, but it is reality. I guess time is the answer. Good luck

Jp