Why oh Why

[scuba02]

After a very long night and multiple dreams of me BPDex i woke up and had to check if she unblocked me from Facebook... . Come to find out, yes she did... . This is all so very confusing to me and my heart speed up... . Its been three weeks since she started no contact and blocked me... . At that point she was already in a new relationship and told me "i'm done with you forever" If you contact me again i'll call the cops"... . She has since moved to Australia to study abroad for six months and assume she is feeling alone... . No boyfriend, no me, nothing... . If she hated me, i treated her so bad and her new boyfriend is amazing than why unblock... . Does she figure i would look at her profile and want me to see her in OZ to rub it in? Did she want to see my profile and what i'm up to? I've read here that they never think of you again when they move on so i'm confused... . Why do i do this to myself?   

[scuba02]

Also if she has split me black then why would she do this? I'm i truly split black?

[ObiRedKenobi]

Your beating yourself up. You might as well try and predict the way the wind will blow next as predict why someone especially someone with BPD does what they do. My ex would get mad at me unfriend me on facebook hide her relationship status just because she thought it would get to me(She would always change it back when she calmed down). When I left I just deactivated my facebook rather than leave her a tool to mess with me. I'll reactivate it when I'm in a better position to deal with things.

[momtara]

"I've read here that they never think of you again when they move on so i'm confused... . "

Not true.  Many of them recycle or want you back when they are lonely or when the relationship with the next person falls apart.  It's unpredictable.  Well, you are a good person.  Hang in there.  Feel however you want about this.

[xandrew245x]

My ex doesn't want anything to do with me when she is fine, but when she is lonely, or upset about something, she would do whatever it took to get love and affection from me. She was with another guy before she even wanted to divorce, so that show quickly she moved on. I know though, when this relationship fail, either because he gets tired of it and leaves, or she finds someone else once again. She will try to come back to me an manipulate me back into her twisted hell.

[ScotisGone74]

You are going to have better luck finding the answers to these questions by writing them on paper and putting it in a bottle and sending it out to sea.    The more you try to squeeze out answers for stuff like this the more  confused you are going to be... . honestly I did the same thing for a while and ended up being in more mental turmoil.  I don't care what my exBPD looks at of mine or whatever they do/or post, there is nothing mine can do or say at this point to shock or hurt me in any way.  They are sick and will continue to be sick until they get professional help, no new guy/relationship/marriage is going to fix mental sickness. 


Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions. - Dalai Lama

[copingwithhim]

Hi Scuba,

Yes, there was a post claiming that they leave and never think of us again.  So then why so much about recycling?  Why the stalking?  

My stbx uBPDh left while I was at work 1 1/2 years ago.  And two months later, when he informed me that he filed for divorce, I told him that I never wanted to see or speak to him ever again.  I've held true to that.  The divorce is high-conflict (a lot of money is missing) and he was sent a Letter of Restraint; one week later he sends a 'friend' request on Facebook.  Huh?

It's a mind warp, as they are physically and intellectually, adults.  However, emotional development was arrested at a young age (pre-teen?).  So, can you remember how you behaved when you were that age; the games and crushes?  

She only wants to make sure that your still out there, just in case.  It's not easy, there are sad moments, but remembering the gas-lighting, lying, cheating and stealing brings us back to reality.  And like a child, they are incapable of being a 'complete' adult.

Be compassionate, most especially to yourself.  Learn from this hard lesson and be thankful that we all have the capability to do this... . they do not.  Stay the course.

CopingWith(Out)Him

[bpdspell]

After a very long night and multiple dreams of me BPDex i woke up and had to check if she unblocked me from Facebook... . Come to find out, yes she did... . This is all so very confusing to me and my heart speed up... . Its been three weeks since she started no contact and blocked me... . At that point she was already in a new relationship and told me "i'm done with you forever" If you contact me again i'll call the cops"... . She has since moved to Australia to study abroad for six months and assume she is feeling alone... . No boyfriend, no me, nothing... . If she hated me, i treated her so bad and her new boyfriend is amazing than why unblock... . Does she figure i would look at her profile and want me to see her in OZ to rub it in? Did she want to see my profile and what i'm up to? I've read here that they never think of you again when they move on so i'm confused... . Why do i do this to myself?  

Scuba,

Perhaps she's leaving the door open for you to invite yourself in and it sounds like you want to take the bait. It sounds like you aren't ready to fully accept that she's mentally ill. You're tempted to go back for more pain, hurt, confusing and punishment. It will be a recycle and you will see her BPD on full display and she will treat you the same and be the same person who's disordered in her mind and heart.

It could very well be possible that she wants to see if you're going to make that next chess move and chase her. Three weeks is a lot of quite and now she's taking your temperature to see if you'll take the bait... . boyfriend or not... . her ego wants to know if she still has control of your puppet strings... .

It's ok if you aren't fully accepting of who she's shown herself to be. The real question you need to ask yourself is what do you want? What do you want from her and what do you believe she will give you? What need do you have that you believe only she can fulfill?

Spell

[jdcthunder14]

I was recycled not too long ago... . not a standard recycle, we didn't get back together, but one were she wanted to show off her recently born daughter... . anyway in response to your comments... . Many in this thread have already told you that logic cannot be factored out of an illogical situation. Believe me we all do it... . killing ourselves to try and understand their actions.

Mine blocked me from Facebook too but then after a while started posting things publically so I could see them and she knew I could because I told her, but she kept on posting, still is 16 months after our breakup.

The question of course is why? My personal feeling is that the more stressed she gets the worse her disorder gets. Do I think all of her behaviors are about me, no. She contacted others in her "recycle tour" so how could it be.

The truth I have had to face is that I was just a long line of guys that have come in and out of her life, no less nor more important than the others... . just one of the many. So I don't take it personally and neither should you.

As to the point on this forum of them never thinking of us again... . not mine, she has kept every email and every text I sent her after our breakup so I know I am on her mind quite a bit. That isn't a good thing however, because that alone will not change who she is, a very mentally ill individual.

[scuba02]

Thanks everyone for the reply's... . I know there is no solid or sure answer to the things these people do... . And i'm only beating myself up with the unknown... . I just find it funny how three weeks ago she was so happy with her new boyfriend... . If she was so happy and in love why would she make this move? Does she not have any respect for him? I know if and when I do move on there will be no more looking into what she's doing... . As the TV show goes "these are the days of our lives" and i want them to stop

[willtimeheal]

Scuba02,

There is no answer except they don't think logically.  My BPD started seeing someone else and then broke up with me.  Realized the grass wasn't greener on the other side and begged for me to come back.  Had the nerve to twist the story into me leaving her... . she left me and to this day she will not admit she left me (she sent me a text message no less saying she was done).  This new guy moved to this crappy town and left a great job to be with her and is head over heals in love with her.  She doesn't love him or want to be with him.  She says she thinks she can learn to love him.  Poor guy.  In the meantime she texts me and says she wants to be with me and loves me.  I love her and would jump at the chance to be a family.  But she hesitates.  My question is this... . if she loves me so much and wants me why is there the least bit of hesitation on her part?  Tell the dude you don't love him and lets get on with our life.  Why doesn't she?  Because she has no idea what she wants or what she needs.  She is a child.  One minute she wants one thing and the next something else.  And if she says ok to the ife with me she has to become responsible.  BPDs can't do that.  Scuba02 she is messing with your mind.  She is ill and is swinging bait to see if you will bite.  Just like mine.  Be careful. 

[xandrew245x]

My ex has done this as well, one minute she would tell me she loved me and wanted to be with me, I would say well then lets just be together and then she would say no we can't. Before I knew about BPD it really baffled me why she would tell me she wants to be with me then turn down every opportunity.