I Knew It. It Was Her.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My exBPDgf dumped me 2 years ago. At first it was tough but i got through it with the help of fellow members of BPD Family.

When she dumped me she told me to:-

1) Never contact her again

2) Delete her number from my cellphone  and all other contact details i had of her.

I did the above and i told her in my final text to her that i had done so. I then went NC and have been since

About 18 months ago i began receiving silent hang up phone calls on my office telephone. The caller would just stay silent for a minute or so then i would here the click as the phone was hung up. With the pattern of the way the calls arrived  1.e on certain days and certain times i was convinced thet it was my exBPDgf making the calls, but i had no proof.

However TODAY i got the proof i needed. I had to put my office phone on divert to my cell phone.  When the silent calls where coming onto my office phone i didn't have any calller identity displaying the incoming number. Today was different, the silent call came in diverted to my cell phone and Hey Presto It was HER number.  Yes i had deleted her number a long time ago but the number sequence was such an easy one to remember that i recognised it instantly.

Why is she still doing these calls after such a long time after the break-up?  I feel like she is playing a game with me, for what purpose i haven't any idea at all.

[Willingtolearn]

My exBPDgf dumped me 2 years ago. At first it was tough but i got through it with the help of fellow members of BPD Family.

When she dumped me she told me to:-

1) Never contact her again

2) Delete her number from my cellphone  and all other contact details i had of her.

I did the above and i told her in my final text to her that i had done so. I then went NC and have been since

About 18 months ago i began receiving silent hang up phone calls on my office telephone. The caller would just stay silent for a minute or so then i would here the click as the phone was hung up. With the pattern of the way the calls arrived  1.e on certain days and certain times i was convinced thet it was my exBPDgf making the calls, but i had no proof.

However TODAY i got the proof i needed. I had to put my office phone on divert to my cell phone.  When the silent calls where coming onto my office phone i didn't have any calller identity displaying the incoming number. Today was different, the silent call came in diverted to my cell phone and Hey Presto It was HER number.  Yes i had deleted her number a long time ago but the number sequence was such an easy one to remember that i recognised it instantly.

Why is she still doing these calls after such a long time after the break-up?  I feel like she is playing a game with me, for what purpose i haven't any idea at all.

[fromheeltoheal]

Mine has done the same thing at times since we parted, and I've come to believe it has nothing to do with me.  The behavior of a BPD can seem malicious or manipulative, and sometimes it is, but most of the time they are just trying to deal with their own hell created by the disorder.  BPD is a shame-based disorder, and my BPD ex was full of shame, constantly looking for validation of her actions which she knew hurt people, mostly unintentionally, she was just doing the best she could to make sense of her life.

My thought is your ex experienced an emotion that she thought you could soothe, or just some sort of connection or attachment with you could soothe, and she was calling to take any soothing she could, not give anything to you, and not play a game, although it can easily be interpreted that way from outside the disorder.  See if that fits for you, and obviously if it's stirring emotions in you, time to change or block phone numbers.

[asher2]

Willingtolearn... . I had a very similar experience. After our breakup, odd things kept happening and I had a pretty good feeling it was her, but could never prove it. It's somewhat frustrating, isn't it? I also kept getting random text messages from numbers I didn't recognize. They would always be local numbers and when it first started occurring, I didn't think anything of it. But as I kept getting texts just said "Hey" or "What's up?" I started to wonder if it was her but again, could never prove it. I even came home one night to find what I thought was her car sitting outside my place. It sped off when my car pulled up, so I was never sure if it was her or not. It was very frustrating to have these things happen and have a hunch it was her, but never be able to prove it.

Then about a month ago, I got a text from her. I was totally floored. Seven months to the day I last had contact with her and I get a random, out-of-the-blue text from her. I was shocked as I never expected to hear from her again. I didn't respond. But one of the things that text did for me was confirm and "slam the door shut" in my mind that all of the covert things I mentioned above were in fact done by her. After that text, I didn't need any other proof. It was her. In a way, it was a very relieving feeling to know it was her and it also made me wonder what else has happened (or is still happening) that I don't know about that she was doing/is still doing.

Fromheeltoheal is exactly right. These things are not done with the intention to hurt us or manipulate us. It's done so they can survive in their own hellish minds. They have moments where they really struggle and their tendency for impulsive behavior leads to things like weird texts, sitting outside your place or, calling your place of work. They do this stuff to survive and it is a pattern of behavior they have performed quite a bit over the years. It may be odd to "us" but to them it is "normal" and necessary.

[WXYZ]

... . I began receiving silent hang up phone calls on my office telephone. The caller would just stay

silent for a minute or so then i would here the click as the phone was hung up ... .

I had exactly the same experience too.  Stalking like behaviour and I know for certain it was her.

Never experienced anything like this in my life and coming from 47yo woman was downright disturbing.

I'm so glad I got rid of her - best thing I ever did.  And so thankful the 'relationship' was very short lived.

I just shake my head in disbelief sometimes. I seriously dodged a bullet with this one. Why do they do it?

How long is a piece of string?  I guess its just their way of fulfilling a very sick need at the time.

In the end I eliminated all possible communication channels and that did the trick