I need support.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Long story short, got a new phone. broke old one. had forgotten to block calls on new phone. He called and guess who answered not knowing who it was... . Me. He is in another state now. that is why he isnt served yet. He said "thank god you answered"

He starts crying. Asks me to please listen. I said after everything i was going to hang up. He says" I promise no arguing or attacking." he is sorry. he has much to say. I said I would hang up at the first sign of discomfort and proceeded to put him on speaker. I had a witness in the room. He begins apologizing for every single thing he did. Says he has cost me so much and how could he expect me to stay or trust when he tore me down and betrayed me He said he was scary and intimidating and unpredictable. He said he did everything because he was terrified of never speaking to me again. He wanted my attention and would have done anything to get it referencing his behavior this month. He said I wasnt at all the names he had called me.  That he felt horrible for what he did while we were together then  would blame me to justify his continuing to do it. Cheating lying all of it. Said that all I ever gave him was love and he never trusted it so he tore me down. He was sorry for how horribly he had treated me and could never forgive himself. I was a wreck and had to get it together and function. Now i am a wreck again just reliving it and trying to process. I know it wont last or is a moment of " please dont send me to prison"   maybe. I dont know. He doesnt know I actually got the order. I just told him I would if he continued to harass me and that was a while ago. I dont understand this at all. Not even a second of it. Im just so hurt.

He said he is clean and got employment. He is being more responsible blah blah blah. He said he knew he had mislead me the entire relationship. He said how much he wished he would be in D life but he knew he wouldnt be and she and I deserved better. I am so heartbroken. I know this wont last. I am goin on  and on.

support  please. I am back at square one emotionally. God this is so hard!

[clover528]

Long story short, got a new phone. broke old one. had forgotten to block calls on new phone. He called and guess who answered not knowing who it was... . Me. He is in another state now. that is why he isnt served yet. He said "thank god you answered"

He starts crying. Asks me to please listen. I said after everything i was going to hang up. He says" I promise no arguing or attacking." he is sorry. he has much to say. I said I would hang up at the first sign of discomfort and proceeded to put him on speaker. I had a witness in the room. He begins apologizing for every single thing he did. Says he has cost me so much and how could he expect me to stay or trust when he tore me down and betrayed me He said he was scary and intimidating and unpredictable. He said he did everything because he was terrified of never speaking to me again. He wanted my attention and would have done anything to get it referencing his behavior this month. He said I wasnt at all the names he had called me.  That he felt horrible for what he did while we were together then  would blame me to justify his continuing to do it. Cheating lying all of it. Said that all I ever gave him was love and he never trusted it so he tore me down. He was sorry for how horribly he had treated me and could never forgive himself. I was a wreck and had to get it together and function. Now i am a wreck again just reliving it and trying to process. I know it wont last or is a moment of " please dont send me to prison"   maybe. I dont know. He doesnt know I actually got the order. I just told him I would if he continued to harass me and that was a while ago. I dont understand this at all. Not even a second of it. Im just so hurt.

He said he is clean and got employment. He is being more responsible blah blah blah. He said he knew he had mislead me the entire relationship. He said how much he wished he would be in D life but he knew he wouldnt be and she and I deserved better. I am so heartbroken. I know this wont last. I am goin on  and on.

support  please. I am back at square one emotionally. God this is so hard!

[clover528]

Just want to add I know this was a feeble attempt to regain control. I also believe he may know the deep crap he is in for what he has done and is trying to manipulate my emotions so I wont nail his butt to the wall.

I just needed support because I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. I dont feel sorry for him at all. I realize my first message didnt sound that way. I feel gutted. I am angry for not thinking about the dang phone and Im mad that while distracted I answer the dang thing and dont even stop to think.

There was someting positive I noticed, (after my long cry) I wasnt shaking or fearful. Im still trying to focus on what I was feeling when I realized it was him. ( hearing his voice was a big HELLO). and them trying to figure out what my tears were for both then and now. Im working on that.

I know I am angry right now, with him for the gall of actually making excuses for his horrific behavior while attempting an apology. That coupled with the crap he has done while living it up with the new gf. And i am so angry with me for not thinking to set the new phone blocks! GRRRR! Know that is a done deal right now. I fixed that right away.

All this occurred a few hours ago. i havent gotten any messages or anything. There was no talk of speaking again or no contact. i just said, thank you for the apology. He said he was glad I answerd, told me to "Take care of you Clover" and then hung up.

I know this was about him. maybe easing his guilt? trying to soothe himself. I didnt speak the entire time. accept when he asked if I was there a couple time and I said yes then he continued. I am trying not to over think his words and focus on my reaction.

Input on my thoughts post cry?

[Learning_curve74]

Hang in there! If it were easy, none of us would be here. Be strong for yourself and your D today.  

It's okay to feel like you were punched in the stomach. It's okay and natural for you to be angry. It's probably good to feel all these things instead of being heartbroken.

You know that saying that a broken clock is still right two times a day? It's the truth but it's still broken and wrong all the time except for those two fleeting moments each day.

[Surnia]

clover

a big big  

You did the right thing, thanking him and hanging up! Just that.

And I agree with not overthinking his words and focus on yourself!  

Trust your guts, yes, it is about him, for what ever reasons.

shit happens sometimes with the phone. Don't beat yourself about forgetting to block his number.

Take some deep, deep breaths. 

And hey, you weren't fearful. I think there is progress!

Do you feel some obligation now that he apologized?

[babyducks]

Hi Clover,

   You did a great job.

Detaching from this type of relationship is a process.

You've made good progress.

And you are one step closer to where you want to be.

Yes, his message was all about him.  It was an avenue for his boiling emotions to spill out.   

I can't remember who the author is of this quote,  "Letting go is having an open minded confidence in the future.  Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving."

You are on your way.  You'll get there.   It will feel uncomfortable for a while.  You can burn through the bad times.

Go do something good for clover today.

babyducks

[snappafcw]

You have done well. Similar thing happened to me 3 months after no contact but by email not by phone. Pretty much the same story with my own ex girlfriend. Didn't really want to take ownership more hoped I was ok after everything that happened and she just wanted me to be happy but was so much trouble for me (laugh got that right) And then she told me to be happy. All i wrote back was i forgave you a long time ago and I wish you the same... . Then she wrote back with "I just don't want you to hate me thats all"

I didn't bother replying to that and that was the last i heard from her over 2 months ago now. They don't want to right what they did wrong and in fairness they don't know how to they just ease their own guilt. Proud of you for not falling into the trap.