I have given up on Karma

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I just wanted to get that out there!

Karma cannot afflict anything noticeable enough to register in the mind that already carries a bigger than we can imagine affliction!

As far as karma target practice goes, BPD's have Batfinks wings of steel, and karma's tickling stick just ain't gonna make it!

[Moonie75]

I just wanted to get that out there!

Karma cannot afflict anything noticeable enough to register in the mind that already carries a bigger than we can imagine affliction!

As far as karma target practice goes, BPD's have Batfinks wings of steel, and karma's tickling stick just ain't gonna make it!

[Mr gaga]

Well after my exBPD fiance started seeing another man behind my back, her mother was killed in a car accident 3 months later so I think karma is still active and it isn't to nice to people who treat others wrong, you just have to wait for it to come back around

[Surnia]

  Moonie

Sounds like you are in a tough place right now. 

Perhaps you can tell us what happened?

[johnnyonthespot]

Of course there is no such thing as karma... . silly concept. Just visit a children's cancer ward, and you'll know that. What did they do to 'deserve' their punishment?

Besides karma is passive, while justice is active. I think, for me, that's the more difficult struggle. Should there be justice? Should we seek that? Would we feel better?

Not sure. So have taken the high road. Mostly I'm glad I did... . but I do feel insecure about my 'turn the other cheek' approach at times. If nothing else, I'd just love to tell people the truth from my perspective.

[Moonie75]

I'm at work at the moment and believe me, my story's a beaut!

I wouldn't wish Karma to deal out a death, not for anything that didn't kill me.

Until I've got time later after work to explain I'll just say this... . I'm hard working, conscientious & a decent, helpful loving person. And I'm sick & tired of watching somebody who robbed me of so much of being a good person, living a thoroughly charmed existence!

It really beggars belief. (Well anywhere else it would, but here on these boards trodden by the damaged it's certain to be believed).

[bpdspell]

I'm sick & tired of watching somebody who robbed me of so much of being a good person, living a thoroughly charmed existence!

Moonie,

A thoroughly charmed existence is a long ways off from the true narrative of a narcissist borderline. I'm in no ways defending their behavior but they live the wheel of return by their actions. They may smile and have access to material things but they are in a great deal of pain and suffering. Having a compartmentalized identity, wearing a mask, and your soul living in a purgatory of vast emptiness is extremely painful; mentally ill or not.

My ex runs through women, gets cars, and many people aren't aware of the Dr. Jekyll that lives inside of him because he is that good at the game of pretend. But I got to know the stranger that hides his mental illness well and I know that the true him lives in pain and shame. My ex's overinflated ego and entitlement are all a part of the coverup of how they really feel about themselves... . which is pretty damn low.

I personally believe in Karma... . not because I want my ex to suffer but because I've seen it in operation. I don't fully understand how karma works but I do believe our BPD's earn a ton of bad energy... . but only they know the depths of their own karma... .

When we are wronged by them we are incensed at what appears to be a lack of justice but if anything meeting them teaching us that we need to love ourselves and that in itself is a beautiful lesson.

They are not happy and they are not skipping off into the sunset of bliss. We feel this way because we are feeling the sting of the loss and the abandonment pain. But for us we have a real shot at healing; for them the odds are not that great. So yah. I cooked, cleaned, and gave my exBPDbf my money. I trusted an untrustworthy person and bore my soul to him. I gave him all the sex he wanted. And what did I get in return: I found a woman in his bed, he physically assaulted me and he bad mouthed me to anyone in our neighborhood willing to listen.

When steam was coming out of my ears I wanted karma to rain down on him in a most vicious way... . but I focus on me now. And this may sound mean to say but his karma is that he's mentally ill.

Our job is to not wait for karma to drop on their heads. Our job is to learn the painful lessons necessary to love ourselves back  to wholeness.

Spell

[Sparky2Blame?]

I'm sick & tired of watching somebody who robbed me of so much of being a good person, living a thoroughly charmed existence!

I personally believe in Karma... . not because I want my ex to suffer but because I've seen it in operation. I don't fully understand how karma works but I do believe our BPD's earn a ton of bad energy... . but only they know the depths of their own karma... .


Spell

Karma in and of itself is a bit of a philosophical concept.  What truly is Karma?  I think we could all define it differently.  I believe in it.  But I feel that its more of a case of people reaping what they sew.  And whether that's Karma at work, or simply the results of bad decisions, I'm not sure.   But negative energy and actions can definitely attract negative outcomes.

For instance, my Ex came home to her new b/f, to find him in bed with another woman.  Is it a result of bad decisions on her part (partner choice)?  I think that, yes.  Her subconsciously making that decision and ultimately getting hurt/burnt... . I think that could be Karma biting back, as well.

[hoping4hope]

You are right Moonie even should such a thing as Karma exist

it can't break through to the pwBPD's own perspective of the world.

But it sounds like karma is taking a snooze in your case... .

Nevertheless you are blessed with a quick wit.

And I enjoy it.

[Moonie75]

Well I hope Karma wakes up soon coz my exBPDgf shenanigans are beating the crap out of me. Just lately I've had more hits than The Beatles!

[dangoldfool]

Well my ex BPD GF car blew a head gasket, 2 weeks after leaving me. I think it cost more than the car was worth to repair. She left me for a registered child sex offender. She also was within a month of getting her 3 kids back into her life. I don't think she has gotten them back. At this point I don't care. Karma a bitc-. 

[hoping4hope]

The life of a BPD never rarely runs smooth dangoldfool!

I wonder why that is?

Yes of course she wants her children back, but love is blind... . and she just can't help herself ... . right?

[eternity75]

Karma exists... . it just doesn't always happen when we want it to. My BPD father spent his life abusing his family, raging on us, beating us, terrorizing us, guilting us, blaming us. We stuck by him for years and years... . tried to placate him, tried to make things better... . we were a loyal and loving family despite the torture he subjected us to. My mom finally divorced him after 25 years. My brother had nothing more to do with him after that. I was the only one in the family that felt guilty enough to maintain contact for a few more years after that. Eventually I decided it was not in my best interest anymore, even though he was no longer raging or abusing any of us, I couldn't stand his negative energy. I felt it sucked the life out of me. After this he hit rock bottom. He tried to kill himself taking a bunch of pills with a bottle of whiskey and going for a drive. It almost worked but not quite. Then less than a year later he made headlines for being wanted by police in relation to attempted child abduction. He tried to recycle me back just prior to this, saying he needed help, was in trouble etc. I had no idea what kind of trouble it was but I didn't respond... . I had finally made my decision and there was no going back. He was captured and arrested and sent to jail. He tried again to contact me from jail asking for bail money. I didn't respond. From jail he was sent to a mental hospital. I believe he is still there 1.5 years later but I'm not 100% sure. All I know is I have heard nothing in the news about his release... . and because it was a huge case, there should be something.

He is now completely alone, hates himself, hates his life, has no freedom... . and nobody gives a damn.

Now that... . is karma. Don't wait around for it to come. Just know that in time, it will.

[Moonie75]

I work hard, she does not... . I can only afford little treats now & again because I don't qualify for any pay outs from the 'Here's A Load Of cash The Local Tax Payers Have Been Kind Enough To Donate To Lazy Local Bums' office! She does qualify for said organisations help & seems to live very nicely thank you for all the effort part time work she does & I'm sure it's a really tiring ordeal to have to spend so much of the rest of the week blasting all that pay out on nice clothes & over priced coffees in those coffee bars... You know the ones, the places that charge you an hours pay for a processed $hite drink & if you're flash enough, they hit for another hours wages for some fresh home made cake, fresh from India last month & frozen till that morning!

My car breaks because it's a real car & it wears like real cars tend to, because they belong to real people living & driving in a real world!

her car does not break (never in five years). That must be because it's needed to collect the tax payers coffee donation every week... Even more importantly it's needed by that beautiful person that doesn't exist for those sneaky trips that don't happen to see men that she isn't seeing & certainly not aligning ready for her next flip out!

I NEED a car like hers because it seems very cheap to run & wow, does it ever seem to offer some amazing opportunities to meet new people who love you!

Then I live in a humble home because I have been rinsed in a previous divorce prior to meeting exBPDgf. I was left with almost nothing because I didn't play any dirty tricks in that divorce & as my old dad says, "the nice guy always comes in last". Good old Dad, he was right & I got my nice ass kicked to oblivion!  By comparison to what I've endured since, I've realized I was married to the second coming & in comparisons to exBPDgf she was an angel. She may have taken pretty much everything we had (and by any means), but she was kind enough to leave me standing penniless & without material things BUT, with my soul, dignity & mind intact.

My exBPDgf came out of her divorce with everything & then took everything from me (systematically & subtly) that my wife was kind enough to leave behind!

I work long hours between two jobs to make ends meet... I work 6 days a week 8am-6pm, and then 7pm-11pm three nights a week. Both jobs are manual so I'm not overweight, but i could look much better with a few trips a week to a gym (if I had time or energy left). I often don't look like an atractive proposition & more often am so tired I don't feel like one.

She has (due to part time job & pay out) time to check into gym 3/4 times a week & looks great, really great! Feel good endorphin's race through her body as she leaves the gym ready to give the next guy she see's the "POW" look. She'll shoot him with her eyes & he's under her spell. he might as well have been hit on by that psychedelic snake from The Jungle Book!

And there's so so so much more!

I can't take any more living honest & decent & eating the dirt from someone doing it all wrongly, immorally, and without me!  

[dangoldfool]

hoping4hope, hehe my ex BPD would always say that "love is blind, but the neighbors not". I wonder if that was my red flag clue to exited stage left. Wish I had of known then, what I know now.

[papawapa]

Karma is real and in time it will manifest. My ex left me for her daughter's BF. Later she found out that this other woman who is living with him, he told her was his sister, is actually his GF of six years. It all washes out in the end 

[danley]

I don't know if I'd call it karma per say. But I do believe that negative behavior does somehow seem to manifest it way back to them. It might not happen right away but somewhere down the line everything seems to catch up to them and bite them in the butt in one shape or form. I too do not wish my ex to suffer. It's sad to see him treat people and situations with little to no regard of the consequences or how it affects others.

So call it karma or coincidence but since our breakup I have seen nothing but not so great things happen for my ex. Things like being denied all the requests made for his divorce. Also he tried to fight it and got denied again. So he wasted a few grand more on top of the 60 grand he paid to his lackadaisical lawyer. Then he goes and wastes a few hundred more on a few other lawyers for consultation. Next month he will be in the red every single month for at least 2 years. He spent half the 200 grand he was saving because he was confident he needn't worry about losing his case. His landlord told him that he's going to raise the rent in a few months. Let's see... . my ex volunteered to pay his kids tuition thinking it would make him look like the good guy in court but that backfired and now he can't pay. And to top it all off, the ex wife wants to put them in a different school that's not his Alma mater. He applied for a higher position at work and got rejected. They chose someone who is 15 years younger and less experience. He applied for another position but got denied there too. I got a promotion out of the blue and without even applying and it seems that It's a promotion he's been wanting for years.

He said, "Why is this all happening to me? Like I'm such a jerk and I deserve this?". Hmmm... . I didn't know what to say.

Oh and on a side note, in the last two weeks I noticed that he has a bald spot on the side of his head. I didn't point it out because he's sensitive about going bald.  I used to tell him not to worry about something like that so much... . especially since there were no signs of balding at that time before we broke up. Well, I guess he can start worrying about it now.

[johnnyonthespot]

Wow Moonies, that's awful.

I am sorry; your anger over all that injustice must seem unbearable.

I have some idea.

Unfortunately though, she is likely to get away with it. She will seduce another guy, she will paint you black, and she will be going through a new relationship 'honeymoon' while you lick you wounds and learn to simply survive again.

My ex-gfwBPD (traits) is engaged. She is moving with her new beau. All less than a year after I left (I found about this guy). She took her pound of flesh, caused incredible destruction, and I know it didn't bother her for a minute.

If this one doesn't work out, she'll move on. She has done this to at least 5 guys before me... . all were abandoned for new victims. When she was with me initially, she could have cared less that she was cheating. She was completely 'switched off.' In fact, when I asked her about whether or not she felt guilt, she would get angry and viciously berate her husband to me.

In the interim, she has lived an indescribably luxurious life. She has been whisked all over the world, slept in the finest hotels, received the best gifts, and has been coddled, protected and validated.

Admittedly, she doesn't keep any longterm friends, but she always has a new social circle to adopt her.

My T simply says 'Life is unfair.'

Karma is mystical bull. In the end we're all gonna die, or have bad things happen to us, but that doesn't mean its 'karma.' Mine has been surviving as such for >15 years, and she appears to be the least affected person I know. Last time I saw her, she openly admitted that she 'just likes to have fun.'

Do I think she struggles emotionally? Absolutely. But not nearly as much as we do. From her perspective I am not special. I was just a mark. And now, I'm an inconvenient reminder of an unpleasant past. She still calls to test my emotional boudariues, and she's perfectly willing to sleep with me whenever it suits her, but its ultimately all about her.



   

[Tessaking]

Does anyone ever feel though that they wish they could just up and start a new life with no conscious or feelings like their exBPD can?

Whilst I hear and appreciate everything everyone has said here ... . I have to be completely honest; sometimes I am so weighed down by the pain he has put me through and the skeleton of a life that I have been left with, sometimes I just think ... . How is it that HE is out meeting new people and socialising and I am not! Something in the balance of it all just feels a bit off.

I would give my right arm right now to just be able to erase him and our relationship from my mind and start a new life - which is exactly what he did.

Carrying around these memories is like a ten tonne weight. And I feel like I am carrying the memories for two because he has completely wiped me and 'us' out of his life and out of his past.

[Moonie75]

Tessaking,

This is how I've started looking at it these last couple of days... .

In previous relationships I've had the absolute privilege & pleasure of feeling total trust, totally safe, totally loved back, & TOTALLY HAPPY!

They're out there socializing & meeting new people still looking for something they know of, have heard of, and still have not experienced.

WE on the other hand, have already had it, enjoyed it before... . And with much nicer healthier people than them!

[Tessaking]

Yes moonie it is incredibly frustrating. After a year since my uBPD ex left me ... . I am actually ready to move on. But you know what ... . I actually feel lonelier than ever because its just not that easy.

You can't just magic up friends or something to do. Yet your ex seems to do that just fine!

Where's the Justice? Where's my justice?

[Moonie75]

You're not going to like this, but it's said with all the best will in the world... .

If your ex is out & mixing, socializing etc, they are leaving us alone.

They are not physically stopping us from going anywhere, with anybody anymore! I found this important because it made me accept that when she's not here in my world, what I do or don't do is only my fault! I OWN THAT & blaming her for my loneliness is the easy option (so we take it), but not factual truth!

One piece at a time, one conversation a day with a new person each day will build things up at a rate you won't believe.

I'm sorry you're hurting I really am. Lots of people can help you & support you, but nobody can build it for you & carry you out. x

[Perfidy]

I am definitely not alone here. I see my thoughts and feelings in many of these posts. I get a little wisdom from some of the responses.

     Karma or no karma people that treat other people like everyone else on the planet is here to serve them will eventually piss off the wrong person. Say maybe a healthy person who will dump them on their butt when they figure out how screwed up they are.

    My ex that dumped me (after I told her to get out about a thousand times) used to tell me how she had been dumped by every guy she was ever with... . It DOES take a ton of bricks!