the value of NC

[whirlwind]

I will say from the beginning that I have only been able to establish absolute NC just a few days ago.  I will also admit that prior to this alot of unnecessary contact was initiated by me.  But, just to give you some background, I fly across the country, from Philly to Houston, after securing an internship, to live with my ex, only to find him pursuing a new girl and ready to abandon me, although he would not admit to it in words.  I was stuck for 3 months and still had to settle debts. 

I did what I could and tried to minimize contact.  There were ups and downs along the way.  But, I noticed that every time I would come in contact with him it, the little that I gained was accompanied by necessary recovery time from the interaction, sometimes taking days.  I will add that I have some tendencies to obsess and ruminate. 

I finally left Houston, and am currently enjoying a brief stay in California before, heading back to Philly.  As long as I was in Houston, I found it very difficult to commit to a policy of NC, for various reasons.  My departure coincided with my decision to finally make the final step and commit to absolutely NC.  This decision was about me.  I do not think that he will try to contact me at this point.  This decision was about me accepting the past, accepting that I will not get the results I would like from any communication. 

But by establishing NC, I do get the time that I need to think about my own life.  I get to explore myself.  I get to allow myself to experience my life without all the stress that accompanied that relationship and trying to managing the problems that another person aught to take responsibility for.  I get to see the forest and not just the trees.

[Learning_curve74]

Good for you, whirlwind! Thank you for sharing your experiences. I've been trying to stay NC and felt bad that I tried to contact my ex a few times when I should be working on myself instead. I asked my therapist whether or not to be NC and was told that there is really nothing to say, it's all superfluous to my own healing. What you wrote here is very reinforcing, thank you!