Been Walking on Eggshells my Entire Life

[Leprechaun #9]

I was talking to a therapist friend about my sister, and she suggested that it sounded like my sister had BPD. Reading some of the info on this site, I tend to agree.

I'm 50, and my sister is a few years younger than I am. She has always been a little "off". She gets very angry and violent at the slightest provocation. She has abused her siblings (there are four of us altogether) the men in her life, and accused whomever of starting it (It's always someone else's fault!). She also drinks, which only makes it worse. She's always remorseful, but never really admits how horrible she's been.

She is now living at my dad's house. He is not doing well health-wise, and has finally agreed to sell the house. We are now looking for a way to deal with my sister, by getting her to move her stuff out of his home, and move herself, with out rocking the boat too much. My dad is afraid of any confrontation with her, because he doesn't know when she'll snap.

What can we do?

[Octoberfest]

Hi Leprechaun #9, and



I went ahead and edited your post- we find it better that personal details such as your name, names of family members, friends, or the person with BPD in your life not be posted.  

I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble with your sister, and also that your father is not in good health.  That certainly does not make any of this any easier.  Fortunately, this board is awash in members who have been and are where you are and willing to support you through this!

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

Additionally, you may find the following links helpful-

Supporting a Loved-one with Borderline Personality Disorder

TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth

I hope that you find this information useful- and please share more of your story.  We can better help you along whatever path it is that you choose when we have a more complete understanding of the challenges that you are facing.

[DreamFlyer99]

Well, THAT does not sound like fun!

My husband has had some of those traits that left me t i p p y t o e ing around, not wanting to start the onslaught (more like "onslaughtERED" right?) So i feel ya on this one! Also, someone with these traits does not want to hear what you think of their rages and abuse. i think a lot of them feel somehow justified in doing it--at the moment. i know for my husband, it comes from a deep, hurt part of him and reacts out of that much of the time, but to situations that don't warrant it. i don't know what the case is with your sister. But that "it is always someone else's fault" is pretty darn common, and so hard to live with. 

i know it isn't a romantic relationship you're dealing with, but i found the Lessons in the right side bar on the STAYING board to be a good start since it goes thru steps of helping you understand what's going on with them and works through some effective ways of communicating with someone who wants to be the sole "communicator" (in other words, doesn't listen so super well!)

If you select the tab above that says "boards" it will give you a list of the various boards. You'll find the Lessons i'm talking about on the right side of the STAYING board. And if you click around the different boards you find there you'll find people with similar stories to you.

One thing about this site that eased my mind tremendously was finding out i was not alone in the struggle!

Look around, check out the sidebars on the different boards, see what looks helpful. It's really helped me to feel more in charge of my life while dealing with that same kind of communicating your sister is so fond of.

And