If it is over how long till I move on

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Im really struggling right now.  Today would be our 3 year anniversary but a NC order was initiated a month ago.  I am having a hard time letting go of the hope.  Like many people on here I was left with just nothing, but I have been through it before.

Of course friends and family are pushing me to start dating again.  Where I am stuck is that I feel that my heart is still attached to her and I feel like I would be cheating if I became involved with someone else.  I have no desire for a rebound relationship but there is the saying that the best way to get over someone is to get on with someone else.

The problem is that there is no closure.  Is this a break or an end.

[emotionaholic]

Im really struggling right now.  Today would be our 3 year anniversary but a NC order was initiated a month ago.  I am having a hard time letting go of the hope.  Like many people on here I was left with just nothing, but I have been through it before.

Of course friends and family are pushing me to start dating again.  Where I am stuck is that I feel that my heart is still attached to her and I feel like I would be cheating if I became involved with someone else.  I have no desire for a rebound relationship but there is the saying that the best way to get over someone is to get on with someone else.

The problem is that there is no closure.  Is this a break or an end.

[VeryFree]

I don't believe in the saying that the best way to get over a r/s is to start a new r/s.

I do believe we will have to find peace first or else we will take old problems in our new r/s.

Finding peace means imho to look at our own issues. Why did we end up with an ill person? Why did we stay in this r/s? What was our own role? How to prevent being in this kind of r/s again?

It's difficult to put a timeline on this one.


How long since your r/s ended?

[Undone123]

No way to tell unfortunately... . I think my ex ended it about 9 times, but this would be for a few hours or at most a couple of days. When she ended it for "good" I obviously didn't take it seriously, just thought "here we go again"... . I'd say a month is a long time. I imagine your ex would have ended the relationship before, how long did it last? That might be able to give you some judgement.

RE closure: It's unlikely you'll get it. I chased it, and just ended up with more pain. Everything projected back. So my advice is don't chase. I never listened to that advice and wished I did.

The best thing to do, is do what ever makes you happy at the moment. If you like sport play sport, films watch films. Spend time with those who love you, but don't be pressurized into dating if you don't want to. It took me 5 months to date again, and it still doesn't feel right. Detachment is a process so just go at your own pace .