(I have yet to put a back story of my dealing with an ex BPD'er and I hope my post here comes across as cohesive.)
I've read on several (meaning a good dozen or more) sites that a borderline will try and initiate contact with their ex when it suits THEIR needs. It may take weeks, months or even years. While it isn't a certainty that it WILL happen, you're in their mental Rolodex so the possibility is likely they may try and contact you. Will my ex BPD'er try and contact me when she feels she needs something? No, and here's why... .
My 43 year old ex BPD'er and I (I'm 45 but we were both a year younger at the time of all of this) had a 3 month relationship that was extremely torrid and tension-filled. She claimed back in 2010 she'd slept with another man to get back at me (we weren't ever in a relationship at that point but I spurned her for another woman a year earlier and for whatever reason, she was still intent on getting back at me). This was, unfortunately, something that dictated our relationship because I was so stung by the fact that someone would go out of their way to hurt me and her stories never seemed to match up, which led to my heightened sense of skepticism that maybe this guy didn't exist (but a man did and I mention him later). Fights were the norm, most of which were started by her either right then and there or carried over from the previous day. Sometimes, she she would bring up an issue I had no idea even bothered her - and this issue took place days before! The jealousy over women on my Facebook friends list, her bullying me into taking some women off and keeping me from talking to, in any type of capacity,one woman I was 'with' after her (but the man she was with in 2010 was never mentioned and he stayed on her list. I never knew about because she knew if she mentioned it I'd twll her that what's far is fair and he needs to go, too.) Insults were hurled at one another constantly and personal information was used against me as often as it could be (I'm guilty of that as well, although I did my best to refrain from it). I was diagnosed with a mild form of bi-polar depression last July which she found convenient to sucker punch me with when she felt the need to. The medication I was on was causing me sexual side effects and that, too, was ammunition for her. I, in turn, told her she was no better than me since she has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I was completely appalled and disgusted she would resort to go that far to try and one up me in a fight. I'd get texts back to the tune off 'F*** off' and 'Go to hell' regularly. I'd send texts back that read 'Take your piece of garbage self and get out of my life!' and 'No wonder your stuck in a loveless marriage!' This was verbal and emotional abuse at it's best and all done mostly through texting (her excuse was that, due to her 'living situation', she didn't want anyone knowing her business so she rarely called). I take great pride in being a team player but this woman was the furthest from that. She was out for herself. I changed my phone # close to a half a dozen times since January after failing to have her see that this text messaging wasn't at all normal and too many text were being interpreted wrong, which in turn led to a lot of conflict. She said I wasn't the man she fell in love with. Late March I changed my # again with the intent that I needed to get away from this thing and get my head together and try to find the man I once was for the good of our relationship (it should've been for the good of ME, but I'm co-dependent
- no joke). She completely and freaked and after 3 days worth of 'Why the f*** did you change your # again?', 'You know what it does to me when changing your #!' and 'Fine! You changing your # means you don't love me anymore! I'm f***** done!'. I explained that I wanted more phone calls. Not every day, not every hour, we didn't have to even be on the phone for hours at a time - just some voice to voice interaction! I didn't think I was asking for the planet, but to someone who I believe was hiding me, it was to big of a task for her.
After the relationship ended (by text message, of course) I felt it was time for me to give back what I'd gotten. 15 to 20 minute emails I send are met with one sentence responses. I told her I put my heart and soul into these emails and she should at least give me something with more substance, to which she replied 'Well if that's your heart and soul then you should know why it didn't work with us' and another response being 'I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. sorry to bother you, won't happen again.' I sent more emails to her explaining that I wasn't the sole person to blame for the demise of the relationship, that she needed to take responsibility for the things she did wrong and I put it in writing what exactly she contributed and failed to contribute. I was as thorough as I could be and while I had and still don't have an problem admitting my faults, I expected her to admit hers and plainly explained what they were. I said she needed to look in the mirror and take a good, hard look at herself and those in her mother-in-laws house (her husband, whom she says she hasn't had any sort of emotional connection to since 2004, her daughter and her sister-in-law all live there also).
After a few days, I finally had enough. I figured I'd say what I was feeling at the time. I layed into her with no regret. Said she was lazy and a parasite (she doesn't work nor drives and doesn't want her mother-in-law driving her to work because 'I don't want to have to listen to her mouth to and from work', said she was a drama queen and a control junkie, a below average mother, that she was sick, a cutter (she cut her leg and sent me the picture), told her she was either an alcoholic or close to being one, reminded her she had all these plans for us to have weekend getaways and she made promise after promise to introduce me to her daughter AND her family but all we ever did was go to the local bar and have sex in my car or a motel room and she turned the relationship into me being her FWB, she had the characteristics of someone with borderline personality disorder and she should seek psychological counseling and perhaps medication (she claims she takes a 'cocktail' of meds but as far as I know they're for her heart and maybe her PTSD and if she's taking this 'cocktail' of meds AND drinking, I'd say she's playing with fire).
