Smear Campaign

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Well, I am pretty upset. She has smeared me with our mutual friends, her family and others. I am the bad guy for putting up with three years worth of verbal, emotional, mental and physical abuse. Nice. Of course she is beautiful, charming and never lets her guard down in public.

It is upsetting as everyone looks at me as being at fault.

[Indigo Sky]

Well, I am pretty upset. She has smeared me with our mutual friends, her family and others. I am the bad guy for putting up with three years worth of verbal, emotional, mental and physical abuse. Nice. Of course she is beautiful, charming and never lets her guard down in public.

It is upsetting as everyone looks at me as being at fault.

[Reg]

Been there myself, even worse, my ex had this behavior towards her family and friends about me, and the borderline person she cheated me with, who was living in my own street, did exactly the same with me.

It even went so far I had to make a complaint at the police against her.

Only thing that has happened, my ex is now a 'lesbian in moments - it changes with the wind' hanging out with other known female borderlines, (and some with serious BPD features) which are now her newest friends, and the only result she did get from that behavior, is that the beautifull facade is crumbling down, and more and more of her old friends think she is 'crazy' or has a problem.  The facade she was always able to keep because we live 55 miles apart, is now falling, because she now can't hide it anymore with the other borderlines and all the drama which comes to her house and the locations where she goes out.

[LoneWolf768]

Fuzzy, did you ever retaliate and defend yourself? Because if you did, you had EVERY right to. If you didn't, that's okay also. Either way, she has no right to be doing this to you. My ex did the same thing to me and it got so bad for me I had to start asking people if they thought I was a psycho, if they thought I was unstable, if they ever noticed signs that I was a little off, etc. and EVERY ONE OF THEM said 'Bro, this woman really has you twisted up. Her opinion of you doesn't matter. The opinions her friends and family have of you don't matter. YOUR opinion of you matters. YOUR FAMILY'S opinion of you matters. OUR opinion of you matters. '

Ultimately that's what it comes down to. I know how it an be to lose your identity bending over backwards for these women. Its exhausting and can be scary. But remember who you are and know you're a good guy and once you're in the clear, you'll know what kind of a woman you'll want to be with. Just keep an open heart and trust me when I tell you, you'll know how to spot a borderline the next time around. Stay strong, bro!

[Aussie0zborn]

I'm sure we've all been there, Fuzzy. My BPD did that to me from day one. She showed me an email from her best friend who I met just once saying, "if he doesn't like me, don't bring him to my house again and when we go out it will only be with my husband". I asked what the hell she did and more importantly, why she did it and she said, "I don't know". I suggested you fix the mess that she created.  What I should have done is call the woman. Long story short, over seven years this woman wanted to beat my head in if she got the chance. And I've never, to this day, said a bad word about that woman.

Weeks before our split I called her out for a condescending remark she made about me when I introduced her to one of my workers.  She made up some stupid excuse which I rejected. She then yelled, "everybody loves and respects you and I just wanted to show him the other side (of you)". That's great, sweetheart but telling him your husband is a dick-head doesn't show him another side. I've known him for 16 years so he has seen every side of me and he has already formed his opinion of me so her condescending comments won't change his view. There was no answer but finally I found out why she has always smeared me - they're jealous!

The smearing my friend, has always been there and it always will be during the course of the relationship and beyond. Don't kid yourself that it will change.

If you want to stay you might set that as a boundary but it doesn't usually go down well. I hope you have good reflexes.  Good luck.

[Aussie0zborn]

Sorry typo... .

I suggested SHE fix the mess she created

[Undone123]

This is the worst part of it all... . In fact this bit makes my blood boil. The fact of the matter is, there isn't a lot you can do about it  . I feel your pain. The fact that people don't know the truth is a bitter pill to swallow, and the way they make themselves out to be the victim, and you the perpetrator is completely unjust.

All I can recommend is don't bite. Show your teeth if you have to, but don't get drawn in to mudslinging.

[Indigo Sky]

Hi and thanks for all your replies!

It is difficult to go through all the smear campaign that they have to erect to hide all the stuff they did and said.

I wish I never met her.

[Validation78]

Hi Fuzzy!

Many of us can relate to having smear campaigns waged against us, myself included. Hard and painful as it is, we must make peace with the simple fact that we cannot control it. If anyone who really knows you believes the tales that are being spun, they are not being open to the idea that there are 2 sides to every story. I used to think that I should have the opportunity to tell my side, and am at peace with not being able to do so. The way we live our lives speaks volumes about who we are! No need to defend ourselves!

It has taken a lot of faith and self control to live with the fact that I know the truth, and that's what is important. I can sleep well at night, walk tall, and face my maker in the end with the knowledge that I have not done everything right, however, always did my best. At the end of the day, it is what really matters.

Best Wishes,

Val78

[Undone123]

Hi Fuzzy!

Many of us can relate to having smear campaigns waged against us, myself included. Hard and painful as it is, we must make peace with the simple fact that we cannot control it. If anyone who really knows you believes the tales that are being spun, they are not being open to the idea that there are 2 sides to every story. I used to think that I should have the opportunity to tell my side, and am at peace with not being able to do so. The way we live our lives speaks volumes about who we are! No need to defend ourselves!

It has taken a lot of faith and self control to live with the fact that I know the truth, and that's what is important. I can sleep well at night, walk tall, and face my maker in the end with the knowledge that I have not done everything right, however, always did my best. At the end of the day, it is what really matters.

Best Wishes,

Val78

That is all that matters