A line from a movie with accompanying realization.

[Ironmanrises]

This is from the movie "The Vow" with Channing Tatum(based on true story about a married couple involved in a car crash where the wife hits her head and cannot remember her husband at all and all that follows in its wake)... .

There was a part in the movie where Channing Tatums character after trying so hard to get his wife to remember him, comes to a bitter realization and tells his coworker in a heartfelt breakdown of how his wife first fell in love with him, "She doesnt love me."

Yes, i know her amnesia doesnt equate to this disorder but her behavior towards him was horrifyingly similar. All throughout the movie, he was trying to get her to remember her love for him. Made no difference. She couldnt remember.

See the parallel to what many of us nons here struggle with, including me... .

I broke down when i saw that movie the other day.

Another thing i need to add to my long list of repairs and realizations of the aftermath.

She doesnt love me.

It hurts.

I need to find a way to accept that.

Along with everything that accompanies that.

I tumble in the process. My Ironman suit is still non functional.

[Learning_curve74]

I think that is part of the trauma involved in the end of a relationship with a pwBPD, like a sudden unresolved loss. All breakups have the potential to be bad, but there is usually more communication and thus resolution out closure than what we seem to get from a pwBPD. Nons can recognize and acknowledge that they loved you but don't anymore, or at least not enough to continue the relationship.

Thanks for the interesting nite about the movie, ironman. It made me think

[Ironmanrises]

Learning,

All my relationships prior to her had a starting point and and ending point.

None of them involved re-engagements.

Although all of them resulted in me being the one left, they did try and be reasonable at the conclusion... . however much it hurt me in the process.

There was no attempt by any of them to re-ignite my feelings.

With this experience... . it is the opposite. No real closure.

I have to come to terms with finding my own closure.

I struggle with this.

She will try and re-engage me again.

I failed the first re-engagement by allowing her back in.

She knows this.

She will "remember" her love for me again... . Idealize.

I need to heal to resist such an attempt.

Otherwise i will be back in the same hell i find myself in now... . Discard.

Note, if you havent seen the movie, it may trigger.

Welcome Learning.

[Clearmind]

BPD relationships do have a starting point and ending point - its the ending point we have a hard time reconciling... . closure comes if you look hard enough - its likely to be found all the through the relationship - there is a part of us that really does not want to see it - because we needed to be needed and needed to be loved.

Idealization is not love its need.

Why do you keep going back for rounds Ironman? What is it about you that needs to go back?

[Ironmanrises]

BPD relationships do have a starting point and ending point - its the ending point we have a hard time reconciling... . closure comes if you look hard enough - its likely to be found all the through the relationship - there is a part of us that really does not want to see it - because we needed to be needed and needed to be loved.

Idealization is not love its need.

Why do you keep going back for rounds Ironman? What is it about you that needs to go back?

I saw more then enough the second go around to know that it was never in my best interest to have allowed her back in. That sunk in when she left.

Its all the other consequences stemming from that, that i am trying to digest... . but seem to vomit back up.

I honestly do not want to go back... . i know what awaits me. Me being hurt.