Parading new relationships

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I just found out that my Ex boyfriend is now bringing his new girlfriend to the animal shelter I've been involved in since end of 2009. I invited him to volunteer while we were dating and "just friends" these past two years. I've been volunteering years before him and have put a lot of time and love to helping these dogs get adopted. I was annoyed that he was coming, because there are other places to volunteer, but to bring a new girlfriend there is really disrespectful!. The same person (EX) who told me he didn't want me to be in his life after I ignored when he was reaching out to me in texts, even though I told him I couldn't be friends. I said "It didn't work last time."

I'm assuming this is a control thing, I mean seriously if the roles were reversed I would find another animal shelter and make new memories with my new boyfriend. I don't understand why you want to bring a new girlfriend to a place that your ex frequents, really? I don't know who she is but I know I wouldn't feel comfortable, especially since I have a good relationships with a lot of the other volunteers and they would support me. I actually, told one of the woman I'm cool with, just so she wouldn't feel awkward if they saw them together and that I knew already. Sorry, I am starting to ramble and this is becoming like my old post. So my real question is.

Why do they have to parade their new relationships? If you want to have a healthy relationship, you start in fresh not in old haunts, right? I guess they want us to know they've moved on but that just shows they haven't!

[Findingmysong723]

I just found out that my Ex boyfriend is now bringing his new girlfriend to the animal shelter I've been involved in since end of 2009. I invited him to volunteer while we were dating and "just friends" these past two years. I've been volunteering years before him and have put a lot of time and love to helping these dogs get adopted. I was annoyed that he was coming, because there are other places to volunteer, but to bring a new girlfriend there is really disrespectful!. The same person (EX) who told me he didn't want me to be in his life after I ignored when he was reaching out to me in texts, even though I told him I couldn't be friends. I said "It didn't work last time."

I'm assuming this is a control thing, I mean seriously if the roles were reversed I would find another animal shelter and make new memories with my new boyfriend. I don't understand why you want to bring a new girlfriend to a place that your ex frequents, really? I don't know who she is but I know I wouldn't feel comfortable, especially since I have a good relationships with a lot of the other volunteers and they would support me. I actually, told one of the woman I'm cool with, just so she wouldn't feel awkward if they saw them together and that I knew already. Sorry, I am starting to ramble and this is becoming like my old post. So my real question is.

Why do they have to parade their new relationships? If you want to have a healthy relationship, you start in fresh not in old haunts, right? I guess they want us to know they've moved on but that just shows they haven't!

[Aussie0zborn]

You are reading this 100% correctly. It is totally disrespectful but some  people have no shame. it would seem that as you rejected him reaching out to you he simply wants to get your attention and show you how happy he is and what you're missing out on.

Expect them to present the perfect picture of a loving couple.  The message he is sending is, "that could have been you".   How is this going to make you feel?

[Findingmysong723]

Aussie0zborn

I just found out today that he was bringing someone to events, it does upset me some, but really just pisses me off!  It actually makes me lose respect for him and any of the lasting feelings I had are going away fast! I think it's really pathetic actually. I mean I think the first time I see them together, if they do go to the same events as me, it'll be hard to see but after the initial shock, I think I'll just shake my head in disbelief! Even if I don't see him at an event with her, he knows that the people at the Shelter will tell me, since I've cool with all of them. It's kinda like his last text to me, it just proves I was right to stop contact with him, that he is really not emotionally mature. The quality of a person shows not so much in the relationship (and that had many problems) but when the relationship ends and how someone handles themselves, he failed with both! When I move on, I won't be parading him around, I'll go along with my life privately sharing it with my friends and family not like he is.

Luckily, I'm cool with most of the other volunteers, so they might not be mean to him and her but they will have my back!

[LetItBe]

i know it's futile to try to read his mind and why he does what he does, but yes, I do wonder what in the heck my BPDxbf's intentions are when he's parading around with his new gf in front of one of my best friends.  He started going very obviously out of his way to do this, and my friend would let me know about it so that I wouldn't be caught off guard when I ran into them.  He's been doing pretty dramatic things to get my friend's attention, including stopping to make out w/his gf right in my friend's line of sight (not to mention in a place where I might run smack dab into them myself), so it would be impossible not to see them.  My friend thinks my ex is using this woman and is doing this just to get a reaction from me, to try to get me to want him again.  If that's what he's hoping to accomplish, it's backfiring.  After this, I am clearer than ever that I made the right decision to exit our r/s (even thought I doubted myself for awhile).  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the emotional immaturity and the lack of consideration for my feelings, but it is hard to grasp that someone who once professed his love for me would go to these lengths to... . get revenge?  Hurt me?  Or is he blind and can't see it's hurtful, and he's solely trying to make himself appear okay?  Who knows... . I can only look after myself and keep moving forward.

[Findingmysong723]

LetItBe,

I agree his behavior is making me lose any respect that I had for him and any remaining feelings are going away fast! I think it really makes him look bad, because I think most people realize how disrespectful it is. Also, I've known the shelter staff and some of the volunteers for more years and are closer with them than he is. I mean, I would think he would feel uncomfortable hanging around at all... .

This situation makes me wonder what really happened in all those past relationships, he admits one of them was dysfunctional because they were both doing drugs but I think they all were. He said the ex before was cold and now I'm thinking it's probably because she chose to get away from him. He told me that she told him she wasn't attracted to him anymore and that she collected all his belongings for him to pick up, she told him this on the phone supposedly after he had done work on her house. I remember thinking how heartless but now I think maybe that was the only way she could make him go away... . guess I'll never know.

Maybe he'll just hang around enough for me to see them together and then move along, but I decided that I'm not going to pay any attention to them if I do have to be in their presence. I know how he likes to be ignored! haha

[Findingmysong723]

LetItBe,

Yea, it will be nice when we are both in healthy relationships and we'll just shake our heads and realize how great we have it now! Also, when we are in healthy relationships, the only showing off will be us just being happy with our partners. We won't need to show them off to our exes, because we won't care what they think by then! However, if they do find out that we are in happy healthy relationships then good, they can just be jealous because someone is truly happy!