First post in over a year here...

[bunnylake]

It has been such a long time since I have needed to come to this board, but here I am again now.

I moved out on my own about 2-3 years ago (I'm so bad with time) and my BPDm made my life hell over it. She calmed down, got over it, and was fine for a long time at least to me. She even behaved at my wedding in May!

She lives with my younger sister, but she is such a child that my sister no longer wants to or should support her. My mother has always said things like "I'll let you go off and have your own life someday" and "I just need you to take care of me till I'm back on my feet". Meanwhile she does NOTHING, and I mean literally NOTHING to help my sister, to contribute to anything, NOTHING. It's been this way for YEARS.

My sister lost her longtime boyfriend to a drug overdose a few months ago, and my mother is so insensitive about it. Any time my sister smiles or goes out with her friends and has a decent night out, my mother says things like "I see you're over that pretty fast". She's so cruel and then claims she doesn't remember saying anything.

She has wanted to break away from our mom for a long time now. She never wanted to get an apartment with her in the first place, but mom manipulated and guilted her into this situation when there were better options.

When her boyfriend was alive he told her she needs to "just leave, don't look back, and don't give a F", but she was always scared to go through with it. His death gave her the strength to finally take action and try to regain control of her own life, and my mom is KICKING AND SCREAMING. What a surprise.

Our aunt (moms sister) is willing to take mom in. She's coming from out of state to pick her up, even. Mom is refusing to go because "it's the worst place on earth". Um, she'll be living for free in a beautiful rural area overlooking a bay. "Your father has someone there waiting for me and they're going to rape and kill me". "You have to wait until I feel better because I won't survive this now". "You don't really care about me if you send me there." WHAT? I couldn't believe some of the things she said to try and weasel her way out of this. My sister and I are really hoping she will go live with her family because she literally can't take care of herself. She's not rational. As mush as she has put us through, we don't want to see her end up on the street. The very idea of that makes my sister feel physically sick, and I must admit I can't fathom it either. We want her to go where we know she will be safe and cared for.

So I tried to reason with her calmly but she pushed me and pushed me so we ended up fighting. Then, for an entire week, she was fine. Happy. Like nothing's going on. Yesterday, my aunt called her and I guess that set her off again. She was so hostile and nasty that my sister asked me to come over and help her with the situation, so I did, and it just turned into a huge fight again. My sister ended up coming back to my house for the night. She was in tears, saying she wishes her boyfriend was still here, and that she doesn't know how much more emotional/mental abuse she can take. It was like a flashback to when I moved out. I cried with her and just told her that we'll make it through, she'll be okay, and this will be over eventually. The call she got from her boyfriends mother the night he died haunts her, and she is afraid that she will go home to my mother lying dead on the floor or something crazy like that.

So today, mom is not responding to our texts/calls/facebook messages. This is a major issue for us because she has threatened suicide in the past, and is in very poor health from prescription drug abuse. I told my sister she's probably ignoring us with the intention of making us worry. Punishment, I'm sure.

I just heard from her. She's fine. Duh.

My therapist says that my sister and I have lived our whole lives taking on responsibility for our mother, and we need to let her be responsible for herself now. She is right, and even though I am much more emotionally detached from her than ever before, it's still scary for me too.

I've told my sister about this board but she has zero privacy right now, my mother is constantly hogging the computer, and she has very little time any way. I just wanted to come here and vent. Thanks for reading. Any advice or support is really appreciated. Wish my sister luck... . :/ I can't wait for this to be over. I just don't know how extreme mom is willing to get in order to make things go her way.

[GeekyGirl]

My therapist says that my sister and I have lived our whole lives taking on responsibility for our mother, and we need to let her be responsible for herself now. She is right, and even though I am much more emotionally detached from her than ever before, it's still scary for me too.

That's a good point, and it's very normal that you're scared.   It's easier said than done to detach and let your mother take care of herself, given that you've emotionally taken care of her with your sister for so long.

How is your sister doing? It's great that she has you for support--it sounds like she is working through some very difficult things.

Are you concerned for your mother's well-being right now? Is there someone who can check on her for you and your sister?

[bunnylake]

Our mom is fine, actually she's now pretending like everything is just dandy.

I am pretty much all my sister has, and I feel very "motherly" towards her. She's doing okay, but very stressed.

Thanks for your support and concern