Not sure how to respond --- if at all...

[AliveButBeatup]

I've resigned myself to move forward with my divorce from my BPD wife. We have been NC for a few days  This is after the last go round where I wouldn't let her inside my safe house (yes, I have maintained another residence).  She rang the doorbell incessantly. Pounded the doors. Pounded the windows. Yelling at me inside that I was with another woman. I called the police. They escorted her away.  A couple days later I was provided part of my belongings. Part of them were destroyed (dress shirts not useable). She also made a point of giving me her self-help BPD books with an inscription they will help me with my mental issues. They probably will, but only if I use them to whack my head incessantly as to why I ever got involved with this person in the first place.

Yesterday, the please forgive me e-mail came (I have blocked her from texting and calling me). She doesn't want the divorce. She wants to go to marriage counseling.  She says she will give my remaining items back (I kind of would like them back). If I do respond, I am not sure what to put. I am thinking of meeting her in a public place to get my items. If I don't respond, her MO is to show up at my safe house with her 10 year old daughter (I love that little girl) and try to wiggle herself into the house and my life again.

What words of wisdom do you folks have?

Alive But Beat-up

[ron7127]

I'd stick to no contact and let your attorney handle trying to get back your things. Even if you do not get them back, no contact is the way to go.

Be disciplined. Never respond to her. Let your lawyer handle this stuff.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ABB, This is blatant manipulation: She's holding your personal property hostage to force a meeting with you.  Don't fall for it.  You have very right to get your property back.  Maybe there is a mutual friend she can give it to?  Or leave it at your door when you are at work?  Or else tell her you will see her in court when you file a small claims action against her.  She's behaving like a child,  in my view.

Hang in there,

Lucky Jim

[AliveButBeatup]

Hey ABB, This is blatant manipulation: She's holding your personal property hostage to force a meeting with you.  Don't fall for it.  You have very right to get your property back.  Maybe there is a mutual friend she can give it to?  Or leave it at your door when you are at work?  Or else tell her you will see her in court when you file a small claims action against her.  She's behaving like a child,  in my view.

Hang in there,

Lucky Jim

Blatant manipulation. The story of the relationship. Right?  Thanks for the response.  I recall seeing a post from someone else about their BPD person being a project.  In my world my BPD person is a time sink. Your suggestion of the small claims action is good and one I have thought about. I get really angry when what should be a straight forward process (just give me all of my things back) becomes a court case.  Yes, she is a child in a woman's body.

[mcc503764]

Hey ABB, This is blatant manipulation: She's holding your personal property hostage to force a meeting with you.  Don't fall for it.  You have very right to get your property back.  Maybe there is a mutual friend she can give it to?  Or leave it at your door when you are at work?  Or else tell her you will see her in court when you file a small claims action against her.  She's behaving like a child,  in my view.

Hang in there,

Lucky Jim

Blatant manipulation. The story of the relationship. Right?    Yes, she is a child in a woman's body.

Sounds as if you have a good mental handle on her.  These points are SO true.  Knowing what you're dealing with definitely allows you, the adult, to make the appropriate wise decision on this one... .

Possibly try and arrange the property exchange where you don't have to associate with her?  If all else fails, let the lawyers handle it, after all, that's what they are paid for right?

Keep strong, remain NC... .there will never be a "light at the end of the rainbow," so to speak, that's just the way it is... .You sound as if you have a good grip on that one already!   

MCC

[AliveButBeatup]

An update. I went to her apartment today. The agreement was her children would be there for me to say my goodbyes, but she would not be there. My remaining items would be waiting there for me.

I got there and to my relief, she kept her word. She was not there. However not all my items were there. I had to seek some items out at the apartment.  Others she took off premise. I don't know if she is trying to force another encounter. I have written the remaining items off as a lost cause.  I spoke with the children and told them it is probable I will never see them again.  The son said he didn't want me to leave. It was heartbreaking. I still we'll up with tears when I think about it. But it is for the best. I did not create the monster within my to be ex-wife. I feel for the children. Ba no-win situation.

ABB

[myself]

That's rough, with kids involved. You say it's best for you to follow through with leaving. Keep your focus there. Don't play games, don't get bogged down, just take care of business for now. That includes making sure you're dealing with your own emotions. A lot of this is tension that has built up. Once released, there's better balance. We're not responsible for any actions but our own, and we should make the most of them.

[AliveButBeatup]

That's rough, with kids involved. You say it's best for you to follow through with leaving. Keep your focus there. Don't play games, don't get bogged down, just take care of business for now. That includes making sure you're dealing with your own emotions. A lot of this is tension that has built up. Once released, there's better balance. We're not responsible for any actions but our own, and we should make the most of them.

Another e-mail arrived shortly after I left her apartment. I haven't read it.  it is probably something negative. I am not in the mood for it.   She has sent me multiple good-bye e-mails. I am always hoping it is the last one. I think I have a way in gmail to essentially block e-mails and send an auto reply.  I have voice calls and text messages blocked from her.

ABB

[eeyore]

I think you are doing the best anyone could do given the circumstances.