4 months on

I've just arrived back online after almost 3 months of being offline and thought I would drop in.

First of all, I want to say welcome to the new faces and I'm happy to see some of the old faces still around

In May of this year, I was sat here, very confused, very frightened and very upset. My world had just collapsed and I was asking the very same questions some of you are asking right now. What I will say, is that the advice and support you get from other members and staff on this site is second to none and they deserve a lot of praise for the advice they share.

Shortly after arriving back in my own country, I was hit with what I thought was an extinction burst. However, it was a little more than that. The more I remained NC, the nastier the messages got but I stayed with it. There were moments of weakness and times I almost gave in but the support offered on here kept me going. My ex turned her attentions to my job, who were fully aware of the situation and the final straw came when they told her I was overseas. Not believing what they were telling her, she actually flew over to confront them and me, simply because I wasn't responding to her e-mails. Realising the severity of the situation, my job sent me abroad for the past 3 months where I could be offline and not give in to temptation.

I'm now back in my own country again and see things through a very different lens. I took with me the lessons given on this site, the advice from others at different stages and the most important part of all, I looked at my own issues. Then took steps to address things from the inside out. It's the first step to overcoming what you guys are going through, look inside yourself and start working on that first, everything else will fall into place.

There were over 1000 e-mails waiting for me from my ex when I got back. I have started to read through them because I have a daughter left behind, just in case there is anything that relates to her. However, I'm in a position where I can read through the e-mails and delete without it affecting how I feel. Well, not strictly true. I do feel sadness towards my ex, because each e-mail is proof now that she will never overcome her disorder as each e-mail follows the same pattern. I hate you, everything is your fault, please talk to me. Her trip to my country was dangerous for her and put her life at risk medically. One such e-mail blamed me for the fact she was risking her own life. That is a lightbulb moment in itself. Another was asking me what her password was for her computer which she then got really angry because I never responded. Another one blaming me because she had issues on her phone which meant the automated response she gets each month for childcare didn't show on her phone. I read all of these now and laugh at how insane it all sounds. However, several months ago, I still would have been taking responsibility and feeling guilty for things that had nothing at all to do with me.

Some of you guys are in a very difficult position right now and regardless of who tells you that things will get better, it seems impossible to believe. What I will say, is that things can and do get better but that you have to want them to. Only you can take back that control of your own life, work on the things that you identify through using this site and as each day passes, you will feel more confident and happy as you start to see those changes in yourself. Be the person you want to be, live the life that you want to live and do it all for you. Where you are right now is a very difficult and dark place and you will have a lot of questions running through your brain. Some of those you will find answers to, others you may not, some the answers might come several months down the line. Either way, finding this site is perhaps the most positive step forward that you will make. Where it takes you and what you do with it is entirely in your hands. You cannot fault the advice that the staff here offer because it is the most valuable and sound advice for making your way forward. There is light at the end of the tunnel, just keep taking those steps forward, no matter how small or large or however long it takes you but I wish you all a peaceful and bright future ahead.



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